Okay, so there's a fine line
between having needs
and being needy in a relationship.
It's a topic that can make
or break your dating and relationship
getting faster than you can say
please love me.
When a man acts needy a woman can't get aroused by him,
because she's experiencing him
as a child not a man.
Let's take a look at the needy things
men do that turn women off
and what you can say and do instead
to keep her flame of desire
flickering for you.
If you're new to my channel, I help men decode modern women
so you can find, attract,
and keep your keeper
or simply have better relationships with women.
Welcome to just the tip.
Okay, so this video is for men and women
and I'll be using the term partner where it applies to both.
Although, most men don't want a needy woman,
women get away with neediness more often because
men become rescuers
of damsels in distress.
Meanwhile, women become bossy mommies
neither is healthy.
Now reminder, I'm not the creator
I'm just the decoder
and decoding isn't condoning.
Let's look at the origins of neediness.
Neediness stems from insecurity
often tied to anxious attachment style,
which is rooted in a fear of abandonment.
Attachment styles are largely influenced by our parents
or primary caregivers during our early childhood
and play a significant role
in shaping our adult behaviors and relationships.
Now, if you have an insecure attachment style
it's not your fault.
However, if it's no longer serving you,
you can change it.
Both men and women can have anxious attachment styles
or be needy.
However, the needy things men say
and do that turn women off
hold a greater ick factor for women
and launch them into mother mode.
There's a difference between mothering
and nurturing.
Though they do often go hand in hand
when a woman is dealing with an actual child.
However, when a woman is engaging with a man,
who's acting needy like a child
nurturing mode often gets set aside unfortunately.
Key point, women unconsciously resist rewarding behavior
that makes them emotionally unsafe.
Now, let's look at needs versus being needy.
As humans, we all have needs
yes, even rugged independent men.
Our needs guide us toward fulfillment
and satisfaction in all our relationships.
Whether it's affection, communication,
or a good old dose of
let's have a quickie,
needs are the fuel
that keep the love engine running smoothly.
But then there's needy.
The dreaded needy label
it's like the scarlet letter
of the dating and relationship world
right up there with clingy and desperate.
So, what exactly makes someone needy?
Well, picture this.
A man went out on a date with a fantastic woman
and everything went swimmingly yes, it's possible.
Then he starts bombarding her
with text and demanding constant attention,
fishing for reassurance,
faster than a rookie angler on opening day.
If this sounds familiar
my friends this is neediness.
Key point, neediness is based on low self-worth
it's validation desired from someone else
when we don't love ourselves enough.
Needs on the other hand
are based in high self-worth.
These are the standards we have for ourselves
because we do love ourselves enough.
Not in a narcissistic way,
flaws, and all.
Now, remember even emotionally healthy people
have moments of self-doubt.
The thin line between love
and neediness,
it all boils down to one word, balance.
Having needs means recognizing
and expressly communicating
what you require from your partner
to feel happy and fulfilled in a relationship.
Assuming you trust your partner
having needs is about being appropriately assertive
setting healthy boundaries
without emotional blackmail or codependency
and not relying on them for your sense of self-worth,
identity, or emotional well-being.
Being needy on the other hand
is like trying to fill a leaky bucket
with someone else's love.
No matter how much your partner pours in
it's never enough.
Being needy is about seeking external validation
to plug the holes in your self-esteem
by relying on them to fill a void only you can.
Healthy adulting is difficult
none of us came with an instruction manual.
Okay, next let's look at some examples
of being needy,
healthier behaviors, and strategies to stop being needy.
These behaviors send emotionally healthy partners
running for the hills.
Needy behaviors
both men and women.
One, constantly seeking reassurance.
The slightest shift in your partner mood
sends you into panic mode
even if it's nothing about you.
For example, you might say do you really love me?
Am I good enough for you?
Or you don't really love me,
I'm not good enough for you, needy.
Two, overly clinging behavior.
It's great to spend time with your partner,
but don't suffocate them with constant calls,
texts and bids for attention.
Example, why haven't you responded to my texts?
I miss you sooo much.
Three, making everything about you.
Don't be self-centered
with everything revolving around your emotions
without considering your partner's side of things.
Example, I've had a rough day and I need you to drop
everything and comfort me.
Four, being overly dependent.
Don't rely on your girlfriend or wife
for all your big and small life decisions.
When she feels she must make
all your choices for you
she can feel like she's carrying
the weight of the relationship.
Example, I can't decide what to do about my job
just please make this decision for me.
Okay, so just the tip
women are more turned off
by men's indecisiveness than men are of women.
Five, jealousy and possessiveness.
Acting possessive or jealous
over trivial matters can be a red flag.
Avoid stifling your partner with jealousy.
Example, why are you still at work
is there someone I should know about?
Again, if trust is not warranted
what are you doing with them?
Six, emotional manipulation.
Don't guilt trip, play the victim,
or use emotional blackmail
to get your way that's childish and immature.
Example, if you really cared about me
you'd...
Seven, ignoring boundaries.
Everyone has limits respect your partner's boundaries
constantly disregarding their boundaries
is disrespectful.
Example, I don't care if you need some space
I want to talk about this right now.
Just a tip, if your partner's boundaries
conflict with your core values or beliefs
you'll lose trust and the relationship
will be a constant struggle.
Eight, seeking validation only from your partner.
All couples need some validation
from each other.
But relying exclusively on your partner for approval
can be draining for them, don't do it.
Example, are you still attracted to me?
Maybe because your partner is tired one night.
Nine, moving much too fast.
Don't rush into declarations of love, marriage, or commitment
too early in the relationship.
If it's right trust you will get there.
Example, we've only been dating for a week
but I feel like you are the one.
10, neglecting your own life.
Don't focus all your attention and energy
on your partner to the detriment of your
own interest, hobbies, and friendships.
It can make you come across as codependent
or overly dependent.
Example, I don't need friends and hobbies I just need you,
all I want is you.
Instead, you want to focus
on healthy alternative behaviors.
Okay, what healthy behaviors look like for men and women?
Key point,
when you have high self-worth
expressing these behaviors
is not simping.
If you want your partner to do any of these things for you.
Then you must also be able to do these things for them.
One, showing gratitude and affection.
Express your love,
your gratitude, your affection for your partner
through small gestures,
thoughtful actions,
and heartfelt words.
Make an effort to nurture your connection
forever after.
Example, this morning
when you had my coffee ready just the way I like it
I was reminded of how grateful I am
for your love and support.
Two, balancing togetherness
and independence.
Enjoy spending quality time together
as well as your own
interests, hobbies, and friendships.
This gives you a chance to miss each other
and have other things to talk about.
Example, I love spending time with you
I've already made plans with friends tonight,
but let's set up a date for this weekend
or I can't wait to tell you about
the funny situation that happened in Spanish class today.
Active listening,
show genuine interest
in your partner's thoughts, feelings,
and experiences
by actively listening
and empathizing with them
without creating a list of things to hold over them in the future.
Example, I'm listening
tell me more I want to understand you better.
Four, respecting boundaries.
Respect your partner's boundaries
and express yours clearly
and respectfully
acknowledge and honor each other's limits
without pressuring each other.
It might sound like okay,
you need some space right now,
I can respect that.
Let's reconvene,
let me know if there's something I can do to support you.
Five, encouraging growth
support your partner's personal growth
by encouraging them to pursue their aspirations.
Celebrating their wins with them
makes you an invaluable teammate.
Example, I'm so proud of you taking steps toward your goals.
I'll be here to cheer you on every step of the way.
Six, trust and security.
Cultivate trust and security in your relationship
by being an airplane and being reliable, consistent,
and transparent in your actions
and words.
Example, I need to tell you about something that happened recently.
Insert uncomfortable truth
they're not going to want to hear, but should.
Seven, embracing vulnerability.
Share your thoughts, feelings, and
some vulnerabilities with your partner
in a healthy way.
Create an environment of openness
where you can both feel safe
without fear of judgment or rejection.
Example, even though I feel uncomfortable
opening up, I trust you not to judge.
Just the tip.
Men must be extra careful
sharing vulnerabilities with a woman.
Needy vulnerabilities are a turnoff.
This is such a nuanced topic
I have three other videos on it,
which I'll link at the end.
Eight, being flexible and compromising.
As long as doing so aligns with your core values,
approach conflicts with a spirit of flexibility
and potential compromise.
Practice act of listening empathy
and finding mutually beneficial solutions
that honor both of your needs and preferences.
Example, I understand where you're coming from
let's try to find a solution that works for both of us
we're a team.
Just the tip,
compromise is possible
in most situations
as long as your core values, beliefs,
and goals align.
Assuming you've chosen well
by incorporating healthy behaviors
into your relationship
you can build a strong foundation
of mutual respect,
trust, and love
that stands the test of time.
You might be thinking,
but Anna what can I do
to develop a secure attachment style
so my trauma doesn't hijack
my good intentions?
Well, let's look at some strategies
and if you're finding value in this video,
please like, leave a comment,
and consider subscribing, thanks.
Okay, how to master the art of not being needy
like the children behind my camera.
One, know thyself
take time to introspect and figure out
what you truly need in a relationship
ideally before you enter one.
What are your core beliefs, your values, your goals?
What's your primary love language?
How much intimacy do you need?
Understanding your needs is the first step
towards finding the right partner
and fulfilling your needs.
#WakeUp2Luv
Two, communicate like a champ.
Once you've got a handle on your needs, speak up.
Healthy communication is the foundation
of any successful relationship.
So, don't shy away
from expressing your desires
in a clear respectful and loving manner.
If your values, beliefs, and goals don't match
you're better to find out sooner than later
#WakeUp2Luv
Three, build a solid support system
your partner shouldn't be
your sole source of validation
and support.
Cultivate friendships,
pursue hobbies,
and invest in yourself
to create a well-rounded life,
right #WakeUp2Luv.
Four, embrace interdependence.
Being in a relationship
includes relying on each other
at least sometimes, but doesn't mean
sacrificing your independence completely
or your identity.
Maintain a healthy sense of self
and pursue your passions with gusto.
You'll get to miss each other
and have new things to talk about.
Five, trust the process.
Rome wasn't built in a day
and neither is a rock solid relationship.
Trust that good things can take time
and resist the urge to rush the journey.
Give yourself grace for not being perfect
it took you all these years
and experiences
to become who you are today.
It'll take you a little time
to become a better you.
So, patience my loves, patience.
A healthy relationship
is built on communication,
understanding, and genuine care for each other.
Balance is key
finding the sweet spot between expressing your needs
and maintaining your independence
is an essential quality
for building a healthy fulfilling relationship.
Now, if you need extra help
to work through whatever trauma
may be causing you to act needy.
I strongly recommend
you get my #WakeUp2Luv program
or talk to a therapist.
Pro athletes hire coaches to help them find
and overcome their blind spots and weak areas.
They don't waste time trying to figure it out themselves.
So, if you're struggling
to feel worthy of the kind of love
you desire
and you have already taken my wake up to love program,
you may benefit from
professional therapy.
And there's only one
online therapy company I currently recommend
that's fair to both men and women,
I'll put a link for that in the show notes.
Nothing changes
if nothing changes
if you don't want your life to look the same
in another year or five or ten,
do something different today.
Test time, what is the crucial
difference between having needs
and being needy?
Write it out in your own words
in a comment and if you forgot
this is the time stamp for that review.
Your mission should you wish to accept it
is to take the first step to change
by getting my WakeUp2Luv program
or online therapy today.
I've already taken my program maybe it's time for a review.
Now my loves armed with this new wisdom
go forth and conquer the love game
like the sexy self- assured gentleman
and ladies you can be,
you got this, lots of love, God bless.