FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT IS A VIDEO GAME SPEED RUNNER WITH
THE WORLD RECORD FOR BEATING "SUPER MARIO BROS. 3".
PLEASE WELCOME MITCH FOWLER.
MITCH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
FOR THE UNINITIATED, MITCH, WHAT'S A SPEED RUNNER?
>> SOMEONE WHO BEATS A GAME AS A MATTER OF FACT YOU POSSIBLY CAN.
>> Stephen: HOW QUICKLY CAN YOU BEAT "SUPER MARIO BROS. 3"?
>> THREE MINUTE AND EIGHT SECONDS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S YOUR RECORD.
THE WHOLE THING, SAVE THE PRINCESS AND EVERYTHING.
>> YEAH.
THAT'S ABOUT AS LONG AS IT TAKES A TRACK TEAM TO RUN THE 4x400
RELAY.
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD FINISH ALL OF "SUPER MARIO BROS. 3"
FASTER THAN IT TAKES FOUR ATHLETES TO RUN A MILE?
>> YEAH, I THINK SO SO.
>> Stephen: YOUR TIME, THE 3:08, IS ABOUT THE TIME IT TAKES
A HUMAN BEING TO COOK AND EEPT A HOT POCKET, ALL RIGHT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK YOU COULD BEAT "MARIO 3" AS A MATTER
F FACAS A MATTERFASTER THANTHAT.
>> YEAH.
I ACCEPT THAT CHALLENGE AND IT'S TIME FOR THE INAUGURAL
"LATE SHOW" THREE-LEGGED RACE!
WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO THE "LATE SHOW" "THREE-LEGGED
RACE WHERE WE PROMISE SOMEONE WILL BE FASTEST AT SOMETHING.
FOR PLAY-BY-PLAY, LET'S TURN IT OVER TO CBS SPORTS' OWN IAN
EAGLE.
IAIN.
>> STEPHEN, THANKS VERY MUCH.
WELCOME TO AN UNPRECEDENTED CBS SPORTS EVENT.
I HAVE NEVER, IN ALL MY CAREER, ENJOYED THIS MANY ADULT
BEVERAGES BEFORE A JOB.
THAT'S TRUE.
AT THE TUBE TELEVISION, WE HAVE MITCH FOWLER, A.K.A. MITCH
FLOWER POWER, THE "SUPER MARIO BROS 3" WORLD-RECORD HOLDER.
AT THE MICROWAVE, WE HAVE STEPHEN COLBERT, WITH A BOX OF
STANDARD-ISSUE PEPPERONI HOT POCKETS.
AND AT NEW YORK CITY'S ARMORY TRACK AND FIELD CENTER, WE HAVE
THE COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY MEN'S 4x400 TEAM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IS EVERYBODY READY?
>> Stephen: YES, I'M STARVING!
>> RACERS, TO YOUR MARKS.
( GUNFIRE ) IT'S A CLEAN START!
IT'S NOAH LARTEEG ON THE FIRST LEG, AS MITCH STARTS HIS GAME
AT LEVEL ONE.
STEPHEN COLBERT TEARS OPEN HIS HOT POCKET BOX LIKE A MAN
POSSESSED.
NO SURPRISE, MITCH IS FLYING THROUGH THIS FIRST LEVEL.
THIS IS LIKE A COLLEGE PROFESSOR DOMINATING KINDERGARTEN.
LARTEEG'S SETTING A NICE PACE, ENTERING THE HOME STRETCH ON
THAT FIRST LAP RIGHT AS MITCH COMPLETES LEVEL ONE.
THE VENUE IS THE ARMORY.
IT'S AN INDOOR TRACK, SO EACH RUNNER WILL ACTUALLY COMPLETE
TWO LAPS BEFORE HANDING OFF THE BATON, EIGHT LAPS TOTAL FOR JUST
OVER A MILE.
AND EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN PITFALLS TO AVOID.
MARIO COULD DIE.
A RUNNER COULD DROP THE BATON.
COLBERT COULD SET THE TIMER INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY STARTING THE
MICROWAVE.
MAKES YOU WONDER HOW MARIO WOULD DO ON A REAL TRACK.
FIRST HAND-OFF FOR COLUMBIA-- THIS IS CRUCIAL-- AND THEY
NAILED IT.
BRIAN BROWNE TAKES OVER WITH A NEW HEAD OF STEAM.
WE ARE NECK AND PIXELATED NECK HERE SO FAR.
THIRD LEVEL IS A BIG ONE FOR MITCH.
IT'S WHERE HE COLLECTS HIS FIRST WARP WHISTLE.
HE NEEDS TWO FOR HIS RUN.
WE HAVE SOME BREAKING NEWS.
STEPHEN HAS PICKED A NON-CAROUSEL MICROWAVE.
HE HAS TO STOP AND ROTATE THE HOT POCKET BY HAND.
THAT'S A HUGE MENTAL ERROR FROM COLBERT!
MITCH'S FIRST MAJOR MOVE IS THE WHITE PLATFORM TRICK, TO
DISAPPEAR BEHIND THE SCENERY.
THIS IS NO HOLDS BARRED.
HE'S PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS.
BROWNE STARTS HIS LAST LAP, TAKING THAT TURN RIGHT AS MITCH
COLLECTS THAT FIRST WARP WHISTLE.
AGAIN, THIS IS ONE OF TWO THAT HE NEEDS.
BROWNE SETTING A VERY NICE PACE ON THAT BACK STRETCH, DIGGING
DEEP.
MITCH WILL NOW MAKE HIS WAY TO THE CASTLE, AS BROWNE COMES
AROUND THE BEND INTO HIS FINAL STRETCH.
MITCH IS STILL COOKING.
COLBERT IS COOKING HOT POCKET.
THE SECOND HANDOFF IS TO RON BUSBY, WHO GRABS THE STICK WITH
NO ISSUES.
MITCH LEAPS OVER SOME LAVA CHASMS.
COLBERT, STILL WAITING FOR HIS HOT POCKET TO REACH PEAK
TEMPERATURE, APPEARS TO BE ENJOYING THE HOT POCKET, BUT IT
IS HOT.
BUSBY SPRINTING TO THE END OF THE LAP.
MITCH ZEROES IN ON THAT SECOND WHISTLE.
MITCH NOW HAS BOTH OF THE COLUMBIA IS CRUISING.
COLUMBIA LOOKING TO MAKE THE FINAL.
Y THIS IS GOING TO BE VERY TIGHT.
HERE COMES CALVIN.
MITCH, HE'S GOT TO BE CAREFUL.
VERY PRECISE SERIES OF MOVEMENTS TO TRIGGER THE GAME-WINNING
PLEDGE.
CALVIN ENTERED THE TURN BEFORE THE FINAL LAP.
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WE ARE WAITING TO SEE IF IT IS COLUMBIA, IS IT MITCH, OR IS IT
COLBERT?
IT'S THE FINAL LAP.
COLUMBIA PUSHING HARD.
MITCH TRIGGERING THE SECRET DOOR.
YELNATS CALVIN SCREAMING DOWN THE BACK TURN AS STEPHEN COLBERT
SHOVELS PIPING-HOT DOUGH AND FILLING INTO HIS MOUTH.
COLBERT WINS IT!
>> Stephen: WOOO!
WOOO!
>> Audience: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT AN UPSET WINNER.
>> Stephen: IT'S OVER, BABY.
IT'S OVER.
>> INCREDIBLE!
INCREDIBLE DISPLAY IN THE INAUGURAL "LATE SHOW"
THREE-LEGGED RACE.
>> Stephen: IAIN EAGLE, EVERYBODY.
MITCH, THANKS VERY MUCH.
IAIN EAGLE, ALWAYS A THRSH TO HAVE YOU HERE
CHECK OUT "SUMMER GAMES DONE QUICK," A 24-HOUR LIVE STREAM
FOR CHARITY, FEATURING MITCH FOWLER.
IT WILL BE THROUGH THE TENTH OF JULY.
MY TONGUE MIGHT HAVE TO BE SURGICALLY REMOVED.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY.