[YMS] Hello everyone I am
*coughs*
just recovering from BROVID
Uh😓
but I will try my best to talk about some things I watched recently.
One of them was the Halo television show.
Now I am a fan of the original games:
the first one is probably my favorite game ever,
and there's plenty within the original source material
that you could easily adapt into a show or film.
There's a lot of cool stuff to work with: The soundtrack is amazing,
but uh paramount decided that they did not want to include anything
that made the original games special,
they merely tacked on the name "Halo" to a generic sci-fi television show.
It's pretty obvious that the creators of this show do not care at all about Halo or
the original source material
which is fine if you want to make something that's not Halo,
just don't call it that!
Just make a different sci-fi thing and call it something else!
It feels like this show is made for boomers,
who will be scrolling through
I guess paramount plus.
The five people who have that streaming service.
And they go
"oh my grandson used to play Halo!"
🤪
"Now it's a television show let's see!"
I tried getting through the first episode,
it was a gigantic slog,
it was very difficult to pay attention to anything.
I was not really getting the full experience of it...
*stammers*
I was struggling!
Okay?
I was... I was... very much struggling
to pay attention to this really boring show.
Fast forward to a couple weeks later and I decided to try again,
but this time live streaming my reaction,
to help motivate me to continue
watching through the show.
And it worked! And I was actually able to pay more attention to it.
It made it a more fun experience,
being able to riff on it
and uh... yep I finished the show...
Surprisingly enough this is getting relatively positive reviews
from critics and audience members...
And when I think about it it makes sense: for people that don't love Halo,
this is just an average science fiction show.
There are some cool designs and compelling concepts here and there
and for people who are familiar with Halo,
those things were already apparent and nothing new was brought to the table here,
but for people who have never seen Halo before they might be going
"Wow that's a cool design there!" or "Oh this! I like this character!"
Now when I say that "detached" from its source material this is an average science fiction show,
you should remember that the average science fiction show
is a colossal piece of shit.
There's so much bullshit playing on television that most of us are not even aware of,
there's plenty of really bad shows that exist that people watch and they get renewed for more seasons...
think about how much awful bullshit there is on cable television...
You can flip through hundreds of channels for hours
and still not find ANYTHING interesting to watch!
This show feels like it's made for people who actually still watch cable television...
like compared to all of that bullshit, I can understand someone coming across this
and being like "oh this is kind of interesting"
Especially on a streaming service that has like three notable titles on it...
Anyway, as much as I tried to separate the original source material from my own experience,
it was kind of impossible....
The more of a Halo fan you are the more this show is bound to piss you off....
there are so many annoyances sprinkled throughout the show
where it's clear that they just don't give a shit about the original source material
and they're unfamiliar with the games
I'm like "Why would you use the covenant door sound effect on a UNSC ship!?!"
"Since when do jackals have swords!?"
like it's so obvious that the people who made the show just looked at the jackals
and they're like "well they got shields so I guess they have swords"🤷‍♂️
some of these annoyances are pretty inconsequential and some of them stick out like a sore thumb.
One of the funniest parts of this show is that every character
just constantly decides to remove their helmet
even though they all have completely different armor and they have a number on their chest
telling you who they are
they just remove their helmet so that you can see whose face it is I guess
they remove the part of their armor that's protecting their BRAIN,
often times during scenes of physical conflict...
It's like a punch line it would make for a good drinking game,
it's pretty funny they also made it so that the AI known as Cortana is
not on a chip in Master Chief's helmet
but an implant into his BRAIN?!
And this is so Master Chief can spend most of the show without his helmet and
Cortana can continue yapping in his ear.
So, Cortana is an AI based off of a brain scan of Dr. Halsey
and in the original lore, I'm pretty sure it's just as simple as that,
but in the show instead of scanning Halsey's consciousness into the AI
they create a "clone" of Halsey
and kill the clone to scan the consciousness into the AI...?
They just add some extra steps for no reason, it's pretty funny...
In this show cortana has the same voice actor as the games
and also I guess windows phones...
But they made Halsey "British", which is weird because now they have two different voices
even though Cortana is based off of a brain scan of Halsey so
when they boot up Cortana she says
"I am an AI, and my looks and voice were engineered to be pleasant towards the experience of the viewer and listener"
So the show is just flat out saying that British people have annoying voices,
which is also very funny...
There are some fun action scenes here and there kind of but uh,
it's also very clunky in how it's presented...
Most of the show is dialogue and most of the dialogue doesn't feel important
There's a lot of characters that I do not care about,
it uh... it's really lame...
Anyway the show was pretty bad
but it was the perfect thing for me to watch with twitch chat and make fun of.
If you missed the live stream
it is now uploaded on the new "YMS Watch-Alongs" channel
link in the description.
These are not replacing the YMS commentaries or Adam and Pals they're their own thing.
I was gonna try and watch this show anyway to talk about it on my podcast
and this was just the best way to do it so yeah depending on the movie or show,
I might just be watching them like this so expect a lot more content there
and if you want to catch one of them live follow my twitch channel, thank you!
Anyway, this Halo show was like an average run-of-the-mill sci-fi channel nonsense boring dumb television show,
so if you're a fan of halo do not watch it!
There's certainly worse things out there it didn't ruin my life,
and detached from the original source material it's just kind of "yeeeaah whatever"
it's just... just kind of bad anyway I'm giving this one a FOUR out of ten...
thank you.
I also saw Chip'N Dale: Rescue Rangers, a Disney Plus film...
A lot of people seem to be really enjoying this and uh....
Yeah, not my thing...
It's honestly really confusing to me because this movie is just a bunch of references
and nothing more. Sure it's meta and they make a bad joke and then one of the characters says
"wow that was a bad joke!" But, that doesn't make it not a bad joke...
When it comes to observational humor, I would prefer if they were actually saying something.
Like, you can't just look at the camera and say like "Yo, this is a movie am I right?!"
It would be interesting if what they were saying wasn't just solely surface level nothingness...
"Hey guys! This is a nostalgia bait movie that's what we're doing right now..."
OKAY...?
Uh...😓
SPOILERS for Chip 'N Dale: Rescue Rangers, I guess...?
If you've been on the internet, then you already know that they used ugly sonic in the film,
which might have been a little bit funny if it was in the background or something,
but it was so in your face and unfunny...
[stupid voice] "Hey guys remember it's 'Ugly' Sonic??? That was a thing that was on... the internet!
"It was on twitter because uh...in the movie that uh... 😓 they made they bad a bad design that they changed it,
"and YOU were on twitter and I was on twitter and that was a thing that happened 'n you SAW it on the internet!"
[YMS] "Yes I know I... I was on the internet thank you... uh... you reminded me of that..."
[stupid voice] "Well do you still remember that this is a thing?? That is Ugly Sonic, it's STILL happening and I'm STILL reminding you of it!"
[YMS] "Yes you just reminded me of it, thank you...😒"
[YMS] And there's nothing more to it! The reference in of itself is supposed to be the joke!
I thought we were PAST THIS!😫
Is this SERIOUSLY what we want?!
Do we SERIOUSLY want to reward Disney for just REFERENCING other things that exist?!
Is that ACTUALLY what we want movies to be?!
Even if you ignore the reference "HUMOR" (which is like 90% of the movie by the way), the other elements of the film are just so poorly executed!
With the exception of J.K. Simmons, the voice acting in this film is UTTERLY atrocious!
John Mulaney and Andy Samberg are genuinely terrible voice actors.
There's scenes in the film where their characters are supposed to be sad,
and without the animation there would be ZERO indication.
I am not kidding! If there were no visual reference that these characters are supposed to be sad, you legitimately wouldn't be able to tell...
The animation is also very poorly executed,
which is sad because in concept it's really interesting.
Basically, they're combining a bunch of different animation styles,
plus live action. One of the characters has a 3D makeover and the other one stays "2D"
But, the 2D character isn't 2D, it's just cel-shaded 3D,
it's a really basic 3D model where they've cell shaded it and lowered the frame rate...
So, essentially the entire movie they're just telling you that it's something that it isn't...?
like, "Oh, look at my character, I am 2D! I have not had the 3D makeover! I am the original style of the original Chip 'N Dale Rescue Rangers show!"
But, it doesn't look convincing at all, it's very annoying and distracting!
And when watching the original show the frame rate isn't this distracting,
whether or not it's because of the "3D Cel Shaded Nature" or the fact that it's in a different environment that doesn't have that frame rate,
it doesn't matter it's distracting, it looks like shit.
Every time the cel-shaded characters pick up objects that aren't cel-shaded it looks really weird...
Near the beginning of the film they hold things in their hands, but the objects that they're holding don't match the frame rate of the characters themselves...
It looks very annoying and distracting... I don't like it...
Even when they actually 2D animate characters in this film, the quality is just so dramatically worse than the original source material that they're referencing...
like "hey yeah guys this is totally flounder from the little mermaid"
even the 3d models that are being honest about what they are look like shit!
Many of them look unfinished and this movie has the audacity to criticize other animation styles and genres and time periods...
there's a character played by Seth Rogen that's used to poke fun at the Robert Zemeckes like... Beowulf Polar Express style animation... like
[stupid voice] "haha that's so uncanny valley am I right?"
[YMS] But your animation is also creepy as fuck!
This movie is constantly insisting self-awareness, but it doesn't have any!
It's just references and surface-level meta observations!
And as it's telling you what it's doing it's simultaneously pretending to be something it's not!
Yeah this is totally 2D animation guys...😒
[stupid voice] "Hey, do you remember Robert Zemeckis animated movies those were totally creepy guys"
[YMS] The way that both 2D and 3D characters were placed into the environment of many live-action shots just feels so uncoordinated.
There are parts in this film where the proportions of the characters will just shift dramatically over the course of a single shot,
It feels very sloppy and poorly executed...
There's also a muppet character that they pretended was live action when it wasn't.
JUST FILM A REAL MUPPET, IT'L LOOK BETTER!
I get it it's easier to have computer-generated models interacting with other computer-generated models in computer-generated environments, I get it.
It makes more sense that way from a practical perspective, but for what this character is, even if it looked a bit silly it would have had so much more impact if it were just live action.
Just film a real muppet!
Stop pretending to be something you're not!
One of the characters in this film is an old and washed up Peter Pan.
He is portrayed as a miserable alcoholic piece of shit whose life fell apart because he grew up and couldn't get as many acting roles after Peter Pan.
And I don't know if they were trying to comment on the actual original voice actor for Peter Pan,
but that seems like really bad taste...?
Search up the story of "Bobby Driscoll" if you want to be depressed....
So, if they weren't directly commenting on Bobby Driscoll, then we have to admit that this movie ISN'T self-aware, right?
Because, if that's what they were doing then they're kind of pieces of shit for doing that, right?
Anyway, this is the type of movie that is so obnoxiously insistent on its own meta self-awareness, that people will just attribute intent wherever they want.
I'm sure there will be plenty of people saying
[YMS... FANS?] "No, Adam the bad animation's supposed to be bad because it's a meta self-awareness de jaga ba ba bergh bergh begh beh..."
There's a part where Seth Rogen's character from this film interacts with Seth Rogen's character from the LION KING 2019
*hysterical laugh*
*coughs*😵‍💫
It's poison!
[Clip] -What are you looking at?
-Honestly? You're weird dead eyes, they ARE weird...
[YMS] -And there are seriously many people who think that this is a joke directed towards the Lion King 2019.
Like, they actually think that the "joke" here is that the film is saying "pumbaa has dead lifeless eyes."
That is not what is happening! They are criticizing the dead and lifeless eyes of the Robert Zemeckis style character!
Earlier in the film they specifically pointed out his dead and lifeless eyes!
That is what they are still doing...
The only reason that Pumbaa is there, is because the joke is that pumbaa is a character in another film, played by Seth Rogen!
This is why mantis from Kung-fu Panda and whatever character this is from Monsters vs Aliens shows up
in the same shot those are also characters played by Seth Rogen!
That is the joke! It is surface-level!
They do NOT have the self-awareness or the BALLS to criticize the current version of the Lion King that they are right now making a prequel for in the same style... Like
[stupid voice] -Hey guys this movie that we're still trying to capitalize on at this very moment
uh...😓
-it's bad, am i right?😅
[YMS] -Give it another 15 years and they'll have a new version of the Lion King and then they'll make fun of the previous version being like...
[stupid voice] -See? We knew it was bad the whole time, guys...
🤤
[YMS] -Do not give this movie credit where it isn't due!
A movie isn't self-aware just because it insists it is!
A bad joke doesn't suddenly become a good joke just because they say "wow that was a bad joke" after making the bad joke!
[sarcastic] -But I guess there's NO way to tell at all, and my entire review and channel is just some metacommentary on something that you're all too stupid to understand
and that what I'm saying isn't ACTUALLY what I'm saying and I'm in on the joke and you're not, hee hee!
This review was actually a meta commentary on reviews!
I am making a statement about internet media and criticism at large!
Everything I say is to be taken literally or satirically, depending on what I say at any moment and how much charitability you want to give me...
Guys, this is actually genius... 🤔
I am smart you are stupid! You don't understand!
You don't get it okay? Stop pretending you get it, you don't!
IT'S NOT POSSIBLE!
YOUR BRAINS TOO
SMAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!
[YMS] -Anyway, yeah uh... this movie was great uh...three out of ten...
Guys, that was totally a YMS vi... video... am I right?
*stammers*
That was a review on the ch uh... channel uh.... YMS made
hooa hoooa 🤤
You remember Pumbaa?
I remember Pumbaa...
Bye bye Pumbaa....
[Adum] -and Master Chief is deaf and can't hear that this is happening...
oh now- he's not even looking- oh now NOW he looks!
Now he turns to look....
He's a dumb piece of shit.