We all have a story that's not written down,
but inside our heads and woven into every aspect of our lives.
This story called Narrative Identity, is the ongoing account
of who we are, where we've been, and where we're heading.
Understanding this narrative identity is important because it deeply influences
how you feel about yourself, how you respond to life's challenges,
and how you relate to others and how you anticipate the future.
Let's uncover your narrative identity.
I'm Dr. Tracey Marks, a psychiatrist, and I make mental health education videos.
Your narrative identity is a psychological concept
that refers to the internalized story we tell ourselves about who we are.
It's not a fixed story, but a dynamic one that is continuously written
and edited by ourselves based on our life experiences.
These changes can be in a positive or negative direction.
How do you unpack your story and then modify it will divide
the process into three steps.
I suggest you write these in a journal so you can reflect on them.
It's generally
too much information to keep in your head, and when you write things down,
you can write them as things come to you and then reorder them later.
Let's think of these steps as chapters.
The first chapter is the foundation.
The second chapter, Key Life events.
And the third chapter is forward view.
Let's break this down.
The foundation is your early life and early influences.
These would involve early
memories, childhood experiences and formative relationships.
It explores how these early experiences contribute
to the development and core beliefs and values.
It considers how family dynamics, cultural background and initial life
experiences start shaping your identity and your perceptions of the world.
Here are some examples of prompts to get you thinking about this.
You can start by exploring your early memories.
What is the first memory that you can recall?
How does that memory make you feel now?
Does it bring up certain themes that seem significant
or recurring in later experiences?
Then reflect on your family dynamics.
How would you describe your family environment growing up?
Who were the people who encouraged you and praised you?
And how did they do it?
Was it with words versus something that they did?
Who made you feel bad about yourself and how did they do it?
Who was your biggest fan and how did they express their admiration of you?
Answers to these questions can be very revealing
about how you view yourself and how you relate to others.
These early relationships set the foundation for what you value,
and they model how you treat yourself and others.
There are a lot more things that you can ask yourself
and if you really want to dig deep with this.
I have a workbook for you with several prompts
for each of these sections or chapters of your narrative identity story.
It's called Unlock Your Story and it will be linked
to this video and in the description.
The second chapter is key Life Events, Challenges and Achievements.
This section focuses on significant life events
that have played a role in shaping your identity.
These include educational achievements, career milestones,
significant relationships, as well as personal challenges and setbacks.
The emphasis is on how these events have influenced your self-perception
led to personal growth or even served as setbacks for you.
Necessitating changes in your outlook or behavior.
A prompt for this section is looking at proud moments.
Identify a moment or achievement in your life that made you proud.
Why does that moment stand out and how did it contribute
to your self-esteem and self-image?
Who did you share this moment with?
You may think about this and say, I'm not really proud of
anything I've done because I haven't done anything.
This could be true, but the significance of accomplishments is relative.
It's all in your head how much something means.
So if you feel that you haven't done anything worth talking about
or writing down, it may be because your bar is set unrealistically high or
no one has really been proud of you, so you don't even know what that feels like.
Working through these thoughts can help you uncover some negative assumptions
you have about yourself or life in general.
The third chapter looks at your forward view, goals and aspirations.
This centers on your future outlook.
It involves identifying current
goals, aspirations and how you want to continue to develop.
This chapter encourages reflections on what aspects of your past
narrative are helpful or hindering in achieving future objectives.
It also includes setting intentions for personal growth and envisioning
how your story might evolve moving forward.
A prompt for this section is looking at legacy and impact.
What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?
How do you want to impact the lives of others, your community or the world?
And those are just a few prompts to get you thinking about this section.
So what do you do with this information?
As you work through some of these questions, you may notice
patterns like you don't have much of a cheering squad.
Maybe because you're always the strong person that people look up to.
But that kind of self-reliance may leaving you feel very alone.
By recognizing this,
you can consciously choose to rewrite this aspect of your narrative
by actively reaching out for collaboration or companionship.
This action broadens your support network and enriches your personal
and professional life by introducing diverse perspectives and experiences.
Another thing you may realize is that there are things that you don't do
well because you didn't get those things yourself.
For example, let's say you don't compliment people much.
If you like something, you don't say anything.
But if you don't like it, you don't hold back the criticism.
A partner or associate
may point this out to you, looking at your narrative identity.
You notice or realize that you didn't get many compliments or praise,
and you didn't observe other influential people in your life giving praise.
So it was never modeled for you.
But you can change that.
Chances are some of the collateral damage
from the lack of praise may be that you're also self-critical.
So to have the capacity to authentic praise others,
you'll need to start with showing your self compassion
and appreciating your value.
It's like that cliche saying that you can't give much from your cup
if it's empty.
At this point in your development, you can't rely on others to lift you up.
You have to change the script to one of self-love and self appreciation,
and then you can pass that kindness on to others.
So in essence, as you reflect on your narrative identity,
consider how these patterns have served you till now
and how they might be adapted to better serve your current and future self.
The key is to maintain a flexible and growth oriented mindset.
Being open to rewriting parts of your narrative
that no longer align with who you aspire to be.
Then use insights from your past and present
to guide your future actions and interactions.
This exercise of creating and revising
your narrative identity is gold when it comes to understanding yourself.
Why you think the way you do, do the things you do,
and what you want your future to look like.
If you're not very self-reflective, a therapist or life
coach can help you uncover some of this.
You can also check out my Unlock Your Story digital workbook
that you can use to walk yourself through this.
It includes eight to ten self-discovery prompt questions for each chapter.
A list of milestones to consider, and some tips
on how to pull the information together.
I think you will find it a very useful guide.
You can find it in my Mental Wellness Store, and in the link in the description.
Your narrative identity affects your boundaries.
If you think you have loose boundaries, watch this video for more on that.
Thanks for watching today. See you next time.