Do you want to know
I know because I've been there
and I'm going to be sharing
with you my thoughts on the whole thing
and how you can really arm yourself
and protect yourself from these things.
That's coming up in this video.
Hey there, so I'm Rebecca Zung,
and as many of you know, I'm an attorney,
and I have written a couple of bestselling books,
and what I do here on this channel is I teach you
how to negotiate with narcissists.
And so if you haven't subscribed, go ahead and do that now,
subscribe and hit that notification bell.
And the reason why I talk about this so much
is because I have personal experiences
with dealing with narcissists on a number of different ways.
Not as a husband,
but certainly in the form of other people
who certainly were close enough to me
to make my life a living hell and wreak havoc.
And so kind of part of my journey
was that
as some of you know
I was raised in Northern Virginia,
and when I was growing up being half Chinese,
there were no other half-Chinese kids around there, no.
The only other ones I knew were like my siblings
or my cousins and people like that.
I really didn't know anybody else.
And so, as kids you don't ever want to not fit in of course,
but I had experience with bullying.
And if you want to know more about
that you can definitely check out my video
called I don't normally share this
and it's all about my own experience with that,
but really narcissists are just a form of bully.
So that was kinda like my first brush with that.
And then I grew up,
I became a lawyer and all these things.
And as I got older
and I started to have more experiences in my life,
I thought that I had healed all these old things.
And then I realized that I hadn't
because when a couple of narcissists
came along into my life,
then I realized that I still had some things
that I needed to heal,
but one of the things that I had been doing as a lawyer
as I had been speaking about negotiating
for years and years and years,
I had come up with these talks and negotiating
because I wanted to go out and try to get business
when I was a new lawyer.
And nobody really wanted to hear me
talk about divorce stuff
and I was practicing divorce law at the time.
So I came up with this talk on how to powerfully negotiate.
And I spoke to probably a 100 different rotaries,
and American Business Women's Association,
and medical associations,
and League of Women Voters, and Hadassah groups,
and literally anyone who wanted me to come speak.
I would come and speak on negotiation skills.
And I worked my way up and eventually was a keynote speaker
for the American Bar Association
and I spoke to Ellevate
which is a large women's networking organization.
And I started to get more
like national types of gigs for negotiating.
And so that's how I ended up coming up to writing the book,
"Negotiate Like YOU M.A.T.T.E.R."
And Robert Shapiro offered to write the foreword for it,
was a big deal and I'm super excited about it.
And honestly, my plan was to start teaching on negotiations.
I was going to develop courses on just negotiating period,
and maybe do some YouTube videos,
maybe teach at a university or something like that.
That was the plan, until...
until I realized that I was dealing
with a couple of narcissists
right in my space, in my space.
And one of them was in a business type of setting.
And I realized that this person
was a covert, passive, aggressive narcissist.
And I talk all about that type of narcissist in a video
called the Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist.
You can definitely check that out if you'd like.
But that was when my eyes started opening
and I started realizing that hey, I can actually apply
what I've learned about narcissism
to what I've learned about negotiation,
and that's when I started seeing movement in my cases
and that's when this whole thing was born
where I started teaching specifically
on negotiating with narcissist,
but the reason why I have such passion for it,
is because I've had to deal with it,
I've had to live with it, I've been there.
And the one thing I want you to know is that
I mean, they say like one in 10 people are narcissistic,
or have narcissistic traits or tendencies.
I've also heard a statistic
that is like 16% of the population.
Let me just tell you, like,
if you are a person living on this planet,
unless you like never leave your house,
you've had to deal with them.
Really pretty much everywhere.
And the ugly truth of dealing with them
is number one is that
They use anybody because they just look at it
as like an opportunity
for how can I get narcissistic supply.
And so people are really just pawns in their game
of how they can get supply.
And the ugly truth is they even use their own children.
And so if you are dealing with a narcissist
in a situation with a custody situation
you know that they have no problem using their children
to get what it is that they want.
I mean, they will stop at nothing to get what they want.
And they will use the children if they need to,
to hurt you, as a pawn in the game,
whatever it is that they need to do,
and that's super, super sad.
But that's why I teach this in part
because I want everybody
who always is dealing with narcissists
to have the tools that they need
in order to get what it is that you want
and in a peaceful way,
in a way that you don't end up feeling beat up
throughout the entire process.
And the second ugly truth is that
even if they act like they do.
And that's kind of a sad thing too, right?
I mean, because you start having all these thoughts about
what is it that our relationship actually was,
did they ever love me?
Was it all a lie?
And let me just tell you, don't go there.
Don't, don't, don't go there.
That's not going to help you going forward.
Just know that what you thought was real, was real,
and whatever wasn't, wasn't, and it's fine,
and it happened, and you're going to learn from it,
and you're going to move on,
and you're going to be a way better person for it,
and in some ways it'll end up being the best thing
that ever happened to you
because you will learn and you will grow
and you will never let this ever happen to you again,
and you're never going to not see the signs again,
and maybe you'll even use this as an opportunity
to do good things for people just the same
as what I decided to do for you guys, okay.
So that's the next thing.
Another one that is
an ugly truth about dealing with narcissists is that
I mean, I don't know that they're necessarily smarter
than other people,
but they are certainly highly skilled at reading people.
And so you have to be very careful.
You have to just make sure
that you're two steps ahead of them.
And that's one of the reasons why in my S.L.A.Y. program
I talk about strategy and leverage,
and then the A stands for anticipating what they're going to do
and being two steps ahead of them.
They are extremely predictable.
That's the good news about them.
Is that they are extremely predictable,
but they are highly skilled at reading people.
And if any of this is making sense to you so far,
give me a
Okay, and then another ugly truth is that
even things they don't need to manipulate.
And even to their own detriment sometimes.
I've seen, we have a narcissist in our family
and my husband and I talk about this all the time
that it's like, gosh,
if the person had just been straight forward,
had just done the right thing.
Instead of constantly trying
to manipulate every thing and every situation,
it would really have actually worked out
better for that person at times.
But it's like that's just how they operate in the world.
They don't think that they can get what they want
by just going for it.
They have to constantly be manipulating the situation.
And they lie.
I mean, they lie about stuff
they don't even need to lie about.
They lie about stuff that's readily verifiable.
It's like insane, but it's just their way of being.
And if you can start realizing that,
it'll actually start to go much more smoothly for you.
When you start to just see them for who they are,
your life actually starts to get easier and better.
And the last thing I want you to know
as far as an ugly truth about narcissists,
is that
And I had to see that as well.
And even if it means taking credit for things that you did,
stealing your ideas,
stealing your intellectual property,
or whatever it is that they need to do,
they're usually not very good
at coming up with their own ideas.
And so they want to make it look like they did.
So they take things from other people.
Super horrible.
They're totally energy vampires.
They suck and drain the life out of you.
They literally like a pod that comes down
and sits next to you and just drains the life out of you.
I know that's how I felt when I was dealing with them.
I know that's how all of you feel.
And that's why I'm on this crusade and this mission
to make sure that you all have the right tools.
And that's why I provide all of this free content
to make sure that it's accessible to anyone.
And so in that vein,
I want to make sure that you know
that I do have a Free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet,
make sure you grab that.
And if you want to join my free private Facebook group
feel free to do that too.
That is Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
And if you liked this video, give me a like,
and make sure you share it.
If you think that anybody else is dealing with this,
if you're dealing with narcissist, somebody else is too.
So make sure that you share it
so that other people can learn
about the ugly truths and dealing with narcissists.
And if you haven't dropped me that comment,
drop me a comment, just say, totally,
or let me know what it is that you've been dealing with,
with the narcissist in your life.
And if you haven't subscribed to my channel,
now's a great time to do that.
Subscribe and hit that notification bell.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
And I know that you're suffering.
I know that you're in pain.
And I want you to know that we are here for you,
I'm here for you.
I'm providing resources for you.
Don't give in, don't give up.
Wherever you are now, that's the jumping off point
to wherever it is that you want to go.
There are resources here.
So make sure that you use them
and remember the today is a great day
to start negotiating your best life, okay?
I'll see you all in the next video.