The only thing missing from Bayonetta 1 was a rockin’ pixie cut.
I can say that with conviction: its predecessor had ridiculously huge bosses, fast-paced,
well-controlled action, and a story that was actually interesting and worth paying attention
to, despite some timey-wimey shenanigans.
The only thing I wasn’t terribly keen on was that traffic-cone hairdo.
Made her look like she was a backup dancer at a Devo concert.
My every wish has been answered.
I didn’t have many, as the previous game did a fantastic job of satisfying every base
impulse, and I mean EVERY base impulse, especially as pertains to high-intensity, over-the-top
madness.
Among others.
So since Platinum apparently doesn’t understand the concept of “taking a step back,” we
start with our heroine just trying to finish her Christmas shopping when all of a sudden
ANGELS AND JET AIRCRAFT.
That’s never gonna get old.
A quick tutorial refresher later, and a quick snack for hair-demon Gomorrah, everything
seems to be fine… until Gomorrah goes berserk and playfully knocks Jeanne’s soul free
from her body… which cues the hands you might recognize from the Continue screen to
drag her into the pits of hell.
Lovely way to start a game, eh?
Fortunately, Bayonetta’s forgiven her for the repeated beatings in the last game, and
in a show of sisterhood heads off to the sacred mountain Fimbulventr - yes, that’s a place
name, not something Wakko Warner said during a sneeze - to walk into hell of her own accord
and pull Jeanne out.
Along the way she meets this enigmatic kid, who seems to be able to not only see angelic
legions but fight them off by throwing cards.
Also, he looks like some amalgam of Skate from Streets of Rage 2 and the Bahamut kid
from Final Fantasy X.
That’s not really germane to Bayonetta 2 in any way; I just wanted to point it out.
Anyway, here’s what you need to know about the gameplay relative to the last Bayonetta
adventure: It’s a little bit easier, and… that’s about it.
Platinum didn’t have to change much, after all, since the first game was so good, but
in good sequel fashion the cleaned up a few bits around the edges, like moving angelic
weapons to the gun button so you can still use your normal attacks without chewing up
its durability.
There’s… um… a new item that increases halo drops?
And some more costumes and alternate weapons.
That’s it.
Why reinvent the spiked wheel grinding your foes into bloody pulp, when you can put that
effort toward fleshing out the world and characters of what would otherwise be but a shiny novelty.
Others have characterized the plot of this edition as lacking, but I’m not having it.
It answered the questions I had about this bout AND filled in some of the gaps from the
last game.
The plot is fine.
Move on.
But what’s a sequel without a whole new game mode bolted on?
In this case it’s Tag Climax, which sounds like a very awkward move if you tried it in
the bedroom but makes more sense here.
Throughout the game you’ll come upon Verse Cards, which open up battlefields for online
2-player co-op missions, with the potential for wagering halos and big cash-outs for skilled
play.
You’ll need the bank, too, as the Nintendo costumes this time around have a price tag…
fortunately, almost as if to compensate for this, it comes with the Bayonetta 2-exclusive
Star Fox getup.
Which is capable of some… let’s just say… interesting alterations to already-awesome
parts of the game.
You’ve just spent several minutes with the best this console has to offer.
Consider it required reading the next time you’re engaging in skirmishes in the console
wars: The Wii U is capable of something this ridiculously shiny.
You will not forget its spectacle, you will not get Moon River out of your head, you will
likely compare every other title on the system to this.
It’s not unheard-of for consoles to update their choice of pack-in game a few years down
the road in the interest of showcasing the best and brightest it has to offer.
Super Mario Bros. gave way to Mario 3.
Altered Beast gave way to Sonic 2.
Tetris gave way to Link’s Awakening.
Hell, our British chums got a Goldeneye 007 bundle with their N64s, which beats the hell
out of… well, nothing.
And the Wii U began to bundle its Super Mario 3D World, or Mario Kart 8, and there’s even
a Splatoon bundle coming up.
Bayonetta 2 probably isn’t going to make it that big, but take it from me: in a just
world, it certainly would.
Now you just have to find a just world.