(whimsical music)
(glass breaks)
(glass breaks) (cat yowls)
(glass breaks)
(energetic music)
- Now, trust me, alright?
I was in Orlando, ran into Tiger Woods, okay?
He said, see, like,
you guys are going wide with your stance,
you wanna bring it in a bit.
Bring it in a bit, that way you know where you rotate.
- Okay. - Bring that rotation around.
(exhales)
- Mmhmm. - Wow.
You know, and that was before
he got himself involved in this mess.
- Yeah, I haven't been able to
make it out to the links in a while.
My little cousin's going to this
AND1 Mixtape Tour camp
and he got crossed the fuck up by the Professor.
Knees bent, ass up, head way up.
- Nice. - Mmhmm.
- There it is!
- That looks good, dude! - That looks great.
- That was awesome stuff! - That looked so good.
- That's where it is. - It looked so good.
- Yes.
Hole-in-one.
That's what I'm talking about.
- Head down. - Pick it up.
- See this?
This is bad, that I can touch you.
- What you wanna do is, you wanna
keep your head all the way up to the last fucking second.
(speaking over each other) - You drop your head too far,
your head'll fall off, you drop too far.
You know, you had a couple too many Tequizas.
(laughing)
Tell you what, I've been
screened three times at airports
for bringing box cutters on, but it's because
I can't get into my damn luggage.
My wife puts too many locks on the freaking shit.
- Ah, yeah.
What a beautiful day to hit the old freaking links,
you know what I'm talking about?
- Absolutely.
- See you on the green, ass boys.
(lighthearted music)
Fuck my ass up!
(applause) What the hell was that?
(obnoxious grunts)
- Hey, would you mind shutting up?
- Encino Man.
Oh my God!
(pained coughing) You pull your kidney?
Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
This is for all my buddies that got shot.
- Let's go, Scott Baio.
- Let's go, Frankie Muniz.
- Everybody's on my shit, chill!
Everybody's putting pressure on me for no reason!
- Get back up off me! (applause)
- I've been watching too many YouTube videos.
(crowd cheering)
(talking over each other)
- You stepped on my foot! - Let's go!
- Apologize to me! - Let's go!
- That's you. - No, I think that's--
- Stop, you're being childish.
- You're being ridiculous right now.
- You're being immature.
- Really? - That was mature.
- In high school, I had a car!
- Kobe, right?
- Yeah.
- So, where you wanna go to school?
- Let's go, bags.
Fuck! - Fuck!
- Move, tree! - Move, tree!
- I'm gonna call the mayor.
- Meet the mayor on the phone.
- I don't care what mayor,
I got a fucking tree in my shit ass.
- Shit ass.
- Yeah, pound on this! - Pound this.
- And the golf carts? (speaks spanish)
Okay?
(speaks spanish)
- You wanna get into Dartmouth?
I'll make a call today,
you run this up to the green.
- (chuckles) You mean cheat?
- Look, I love you so much,
but why I got three putters in my bag?
- Oh my god, there's so much dirt on this.
- (Laughs) That's a funny, hilarious voice!
- Adults don't buy these kinds of bags.
Adults buy bags with a strap.
I have to carry this under my arm,
it's heavy, it sucks.
- I bought it with a strap,
but it's a Gucci strap,
and I don't trust you with it.
(cartoon noise)
- Ooh, I'm pissed off now.
You done pissed me off now.
- Hey, can I still get into Dartmouth, you think?
- Stay behind me.
He's self-destructive.
You need to watch that sand.
- This morning, I found my kid
eating a whole box of Bisquick.
No milk or nothing, just went to town on the Bisquick.
(grunts) (phone rings)
- Hold up, hold up!
Hello?
Holy shit.
- What?
- We got Osama!
We got Osama! (cheers)
(Star-Spangled Banner on guitar)
- So, you go to school, or?
- Yeah, high school.
- Nice, yeah, my daughter goes to high school.
Maybe I'll stop by, see what's up
next time I'm there.
- [Gary] That was four!
- I counted 27 strokes.
Man, you are so full of sandpaper.
- What is going on?
- Hey! - Hey!
- There's bugs in there!
There's bugs, I was trying to get the bugs out.
Looks like it's clean now.
I was trying to get the bugs out!
- You tried to put your little pecker in there!
- What's going on?
- I'm going through a divorce, dude!
- No, you're not!
- Oh, crap, I think I have gum in my hair.
- Hey, pal. - Come on, buddy.
Come on, come on.
- Actually, leave him.
Okay, let's look at the final scores, fellas.
Gary, 197!
(happy scream)
- Yes!
Love my boys, I love my boys.
- What a score, baby!
- I'm okay with me, today.
(laughs)
- I'm also fine with me, today, though.
- That's great.
- Cheers to that shit! - Absolutely.
- [Carmen] Love you, dudes.
- Love you, dudes. - Love you, dudes.
(heartfelt music)
(whimsical music)