(Whoopoosh) Top of the morning to you laddies my name is Jacksepticeye
And welcome back to Peace Death
You know, where I'm just a standard old reaper
Trying to make do, and trying to get home to my reaper wife
And deliver her some delicious food even though we're nothing... but skeleton bones
So we probably don't eat a whole lot anyway-
Just trying to get by.
Trying to afford that nice house in Cabo.
You know- I don't ask for much as a reaper
But that would be lovely
So it's been a while since I played it, again!
So I kinda forget what I need to look up-
Oooh, delicious coffee.
"Additional influence for a chosen Horsemen."
Ok. "Elevator crashed? It will be repaired immediately but only once."
Okay, yes.
How do I get my chosen Horsemen though?
Uh? Chosen Horsemen?
I don't know how I actually do that.
That's cool. I love that.
Okay, we're doing okay.
We have a couple of days left and then we're going into that-
Oh Lordilu.
Can we do it? Yes we can.
35 Clients. How many clients do we get when we get further?
It doesn't say.
35 is kinda what we're dealing with.
It was 30 at the start, now we only have 35 so we're fine. We're grand!
Agh, shit. Okay so, *groans*
I can click weapons off now as well, can't I? Click weapons off, click blood off.
Still need to look out for horns.
Still need to look out for demons. *editors note: DEMONS?! DID SOMEONE SAY DEMONS!! SAM! DEAN! CAS! WE NEED YOU!!!*
Humans.
Is that all there was?
there was weapons and there was blood
that they brought in but they also brought in
being able to click on them
and then you could then go to purgatory
so I think that that's all that I have left
and now we have a bible
Terrific!
"Well, well, well..."
Hmm...
Reaper, great news!
Today, people invented writing
and the first thing they printed is 'bible'!"
Not THE bible, just "bible."
"It's a holy book, well... you know-"
See, back then it was just called "bible."
To us it's THE bible.
Because it was like THE one!
The definitive one!
But back then it was just like: "this is bible..."
"Welcome."
Like Steve Jobs came out and was like:
"Today, we have revolutionized writing
I give you...
Bible."
You know?
"It's a holy book, well y'know
in general the new rule everyone who comes to us with this according to the custom "sacred book" will go to Heaven."
So... if they come with just that book...
If they come with that book
they go straight to Heaven, right?
Even if they have blood, even if they've horns, if even if...
see, that's what I don't get...
Your...
Oh, shit, okay.
Okay.
To Hell...
Uh, to Hell
because you're a demon,
Uhh, you're fine
Uh, you go
On you go...
Are you- are you fine?
You're fi- can't fucking see your head!
Because the stupid text is in the way!
Purgatory, brother!
It's high noon.
HELL.
Sorry, McCree! [laughs]
It a- it a high noon?
Okay, down to purgatory you go.
Uhh...
Purgatoratious, dude!
Uhh, Purgatoriorio!
That looked like fucking Brendan Fraser-
You're fine. On up you go!
Uh, Purgatory...
Ah, fucking Hell or High Water, bitch!
Purgatory, Hannibal.
"Rumors about my orientation? Haven't-" Okay, I don't fucking know-
To Hell.
[phone rings] What?
"Good nothing, buddy!" Okay, what does it say?
"Here's the description: Wants a cup of coffee. Farted loudly. Waves the hand.
Send him to Heaven?"
'Waves the hand' like a... 'hail Hitler?'
Okay. Hell!
Uh, you're fine!
You're just wearing a big ass hat-
Oh, what?!
"Here's the description: Waits for the sunset.
"Farted loudly. Clothes covered in bloodstains.
"Hiccups strongly. I think he should be sent to Purgatory."
Why is that a mistake?
His stuff was covered in blood!
And I don't even know if I can take it off!
Uh- you're fine.
I don't know what he said.
I'm missing a lot of references.
Uh- Purgatory.
Ah- Purgatory.
Ah- Hell
Ah- fuckin- Purgatory BREH!
Ah- Purgatory. Yes.
Okay we're doing good, we're doing good
We're doing fine. I fucked it up once
Okay, holy book, Bible, to Heaven you go.
Oh the EYES!
The eyes were a thing they brought in before.
Hell, you're a demon anyway.
WHAT!
"Wants a cup of coffee, gave, uh-
"Gave me a pencil. A-" No!
What!?
Shit!
"Last time we robbed-" He was covered in blood I didn't read that part
Okay well excuse me if I don't read EVERYTHING!
Oh God that should still be an A right?
You better give me an A!
Or I swear to- I swear- FUCK!
It'd already given me a B.
I didn't see that part. Shut up!
Leave me alone!
"Turn off the phone"
YES!
The best upgrade I've ever gotten!
This is the one that fucks me up all the time.
"Level is 30 seconds shorter"
...Why would I want that.
Why would anyone want that.
Oh look at this guy lifting weights with his tiny little bone hands!
[laughs]
Okay now I have 'ABAB'
Can we finish it off in an 'ABABABA'
Oh tits.
"Ah, the smell of horse manure
"Caked blood and the sound of screams during castle siege!"
"Today is a holiday, Reaper!
"and it's called Medieval Magic!
"Use your skills and don't let me down."
"Proceed."
What?
I dont- Are you just themed?
To Hell 'cause you have the red eyes.
And I ain't talking' about the flight.
Okay- Okay, demon eyes!
Heavenly Gandalf eyes!
Blessed be!
All skeletons go to Heaven apparently.
What about all dogs?
Okay you're fine.
I don't know who you people are.
Okay, Purgatory bro!
Legen- wait for it -dary.
Horns? Ah shit I didn't see.
Shrek!
-the fuck outta here!
[questionable Shrek impression] Get out of ma swamp!
Okay, to Hell with ya.
Uh- to Purgatory with ya.
Purgatory.
DEMON!
[rough voice] It's always demons, Sammy.
Uh- okay, despite looking like
a fuckin Tweety bird uh-
you're Purgatory!
Here we go uh- cool.
I'm seeing like 14 000 damsels in distress
come through here already.
Can we have less- She's super holy.
She has the white eyes and everything.
Okay we're good, we're good.
I think I'm getting the hang of this a bit faster.
You're fine.
What is this?
I don't know what this is!
I don't know what that was!
The power of faith?!
But you said a holy book!
That wasn't something I had seen before, motherfucker!
[like the game sounds] bluh bluh bluh bluh
[higher pitched] blah blah blah blah
Oh it's a hard day to be a reaper!
I don't fucking know half the things that are going on!
PROMOTED!
"Senior Judge."
Yes! "New clients"
I don't care.
Gandalf I like,
and muscle-bound Tweety Bird
I think is pretty damn awesome.
Oh Shrek was pretty cool too!
There he is.
[as Shrek] Ha, Donkey.
[laughs] That's classic shrek.
Right what are you saying.
*Jack reading*
*Jack continues reading*
*continues reading*
Jack: We're having Star Wars!
*Continues reading*
Jack:ummmm..