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[laughs] Really, the irony of doing an episode on FOMO...
...is going to make people think of all the things they're missing out on...
...that they could be doing instead of watching a YouTube video...
...nobody's going to finish watching the video. [stifled laughter]
It's FOMO.
♪ [intro music] ♪
So I did this vlog recently about how nothing is a waste of time.
And what some people commented in the comments...
...was "okay, maybe you get something out of everything you do."
"BUT there could be something better that you get out of doing something else."
There's something else you could be doing instead.
There's this kind of opportunity cost.
And that is true.
However, there is a bit of a danger in thinking that way about too many things.
Opportunity cost is definitively something I'm concerned about...
...in terms of things like treatment for ADHD.
If you're doing things that aren't working...
...that does cost the opportunity of putting time and effort and energy...
...into things that actually would work.
But here's the thing: sometimes things in our life are working...
...but we still have that kind of fear of missing out.
And that fear of like
If this is good, what else is out there?
What could be better? What else could I be doing?
We run into a bit of danger there, of missing out actually, ironically.
Our fear of missing out makes us miss out.
Because what we're missing out on is the good that's in our life.
If you're always thinking about what else I could be doing...
...where else could I be?
I mean, I'm getting to do something really cool right now.
I am shooting a vlog for my YouTube channel...
...I have over a million subscribers, I love what I do...
You know what else I could be doing?
I could be on a yacht right now, drinking champagne and partying.
But here's the thing.
I don't know if that would make me any happier than what I'm doing right now.
And then I would be missing out on this.
No matter what we do in life, we're going to miss out on things.
I think wondering what else is out there...
...when we're not satisfied with what's in our life...
...is perfectly normal and natural.
But if we've got a pretty good life...
...and we can't stop thinking about how it could be better...
...because we're afraid of missing out...
...that is actually how we end up missing out.
So if I don't want to miss out, the best thing I can do...
...is be present for the things that are in my life.
To be present for the life that I am living.
There's some cool research on this...
...about being mindful in your life, in all of the moments, good and bad...
...actually contributes to greater life-satisfaction.
So me thinking about all the things I could be doing instead...
...is actually taking away from my ability to be present in this moment.
Which is taking away from my life-satisfaction.
No matter what our choices are, we're going to miss out on stuff.
I think the key to it, at least for me personally...
...is thinking instead of what am I missing out on...
...what am I being present for?
What is in my life?
Are the things in my life things that are fulfilling and make me happy?
Do I feel good about them?
If not, then maybe they don't belong in my life.
Because we only have so much time, we only have so much energy.
So if my life contains things that I don't like doing...
...that's taking space away from things that could be fulfilling for me.
If you look at the things in your life one by one.
And go "How do I feel about this? Is this fulfilling?"
Is this something that's right for me now?
Or is this something I'm holding on to?
That I thought I wanted a long time ago and just haven't let go of.
I don't think we can make it so we don't miss out on stuff.
What we can do is to make it so that things that are in our life are fulfilling.
And if they're not, cut them out.
And make room for things that will be, or might be.
At least to try them out.
We won't know until we try.
Also, Brains are really bad at guessing what's actually going to make us happy.
Sometimes the things we think we really want end up not making us happy.
And sometimes the worst, most miserable situations...
...we actually find happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment...
...by navigating those.
That's the other thing: we can
...
It can feel like a waste of time in the moment.
But years later, that turns out to be exactly the experience you needed...
...for something else that is fulfilling.
I did waste a lot of time, money and energy...
...on acting classes for a career that didn't pan out.
But you know what? Now I'm comfortable on camera.
Now I can sit still in a chair.
Which actually took a lot of effort, you guys.
As somebody with ADHD, learning how to sit still in a chair...
...so I don't move around so much that the camera can't keep up with me.
That's not an easy thing.
But those years of acting classes trained me to do things...
...that maybe weren't fulfilling at the time, but they really are now.
And I'm glad that I did it.
We can't necessarily know what is worth doing and what isn't.
Because really all we can do is guess.
There are a couple of strategies though.
There's one that someone taught me, which is "rocking chair".
Imagine yourself at the end of your life and you're sitting in a rocking chair.
Like you're 95 years old and you're looking back on your life.
And you're happy.
It was a good life.
It was a satisfying and fulfilling life.
And you feel good about it.
What did you do? What are you reminiscing about?
It can be one way to figure out what's really important to you.
When I did this exercise, I said I wrote a book.
I'm going to miss out on a lot of things.
Writing a book. It's going to take a lot of time, a lot of energy.
I don't know how it's going to pan out.
But I do know that when I'm at the end of my life...
...I'm going to look back and say "I wrote a book."
That's going to be fulfilling for me.
Even if it means I have to miss out on things in the meantime.
I just learned in a storytelling class that I'm taking...
...about the concept of "best life" life moments.
What's your "best life"-life?
It came from a story where...
...the teacher was hanging out with a couple of girlfriends...
...and celebrating New Year's.
One of them was getting real drunk on champagne...
...and started stumbling away, holding this glass of champagne...
...and going: "I'm living my best life--
So they came up with this concept of "best life"- life moments.
The value in thinking about the moments...
...where you feel like you're living your best life...
If you think about the times in your life where you felt really happy.
Where you felt really good. Like "I'm glad I'm here!"
If you think about what those moments are...
...and what surrounded them, what was going on...
It's a way to figure out what your values are.
A lot of times they have something in common.
If all your "best life"- life moments are intimate one-on-one conversations.
Than that's a value for you.
Maybe I could be on a yacht drinking champagne...
...but I'm not going to care as much about that...
...as I am sitting and talking to one person, having coffee.
If all your "best-life" life moments that you can remember...
...as a parent or with your kid...
...that's what's most important to you.
So that's a great use of your time, even if you could be somewhere else.
There's a lot of tricks for figuring out what your values are...
...and what's important to you and where your time matters.
A big one for me too is
There are some things that I did that felt like...
...no matter how much effort I was putting in...
..it wasn't really getting me anywhere.
Or it wasn't really feeling good to me.
I did probably put a lot more years than needed into those things.
If we want to have the life that our FOMO was telling us we could have
...one of the ways to do that is look at what we're including in our life.
And making sure we're present for it.
'Cause that's how we can actually enjoy our life.
Is by being there for it.
As I'm moving forward, instead of thinking about...
...what I could be doing instead or what I'm missing out on...
...I really do focus on what I have in my life.
What I choose to put here.
Because we do have a choice.
This is so cheesy, you guys.
I try to correct my language when I'm like "Oh I have to do this today!"
"Oh, I
Or "I
Because it is a choice.
There are times we have to do things and we don't have a choice...
...but most of the things in our lives...
...what job we do, where we live, whether or not we have a pet...
...there are a lot of things that were our choice.
All the obligations that come with it, that's our choice.
And there are costs in making different choices.
But it's still our choice.
That being said, if anybody who commented...
..."yeah, but there's something else you could have been doing instead"...
...was experiencing FOMO, I hope this video was helpful.
If not, again, I get things wrong.
Thank you either way for challenging me.
Again, these are vlogs. I'm going to get stuff wrong.
I like to be educated, I like to be corrected.
And I can't have all the experiences.
That's the whole point of this. No-one can.
Your experiences are valuable too.
And your experiences add to my understanding.
So thank you so much for commenting.
This video is sponsored by Fabulous.
Which I started using last year...
...as I was trying to build routines for myself that I could actually follow.
I completed the first journey which helped me set up my morning routine.
I learned to take care of myself before starting my day.
By working out, meditating. And those habits have stuck.
Even when I stopped using the app every day.
Now, I'm starting a second journey.
To learn how to get a good night's sleep.
Sleep is one of
And it's also one of the most challenging.
The first thing the app had me commit to...
...was no electronics for half an hour before bedtime.
At least three days this week.
Instead, they suggest winding down with something else.
That won't tell my brain it's daytime.
In my case, a book.
The first night I was surprised how hard it was to put down my screens.
I was kind of angry about it, actually.
"Fine! I'll get better sleep and read!"
And I was kind of angry with how much better I slept because of it.
I ended up waking up before my alarm even went off.
This journey is going to be more challenging for me.
But I'm excited to see how it goes.
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Thank you to my Brain Advocates and all my Patreon Brains...
...your support makes it so that I don't have to miss out on doing what I love.
Like, subscribe, click all the things.
And I will see you next video.
Now I'm going to go get some ice cream.
Bye Brains!
♪♪