(camera shutters clicking)
- Ladies and gentlemen of the press,
as your reigning Pokemon World Champion,
I would like to announce that as of today,
I am retired from the Pokemon Circuit.
(reporters clamoring) (camera shutters clicking)
Er, um...
Yes, I choose you.
- [Reporter] Yeah. Max Montgomery Pokemon Illustrated.
Why are you retiring?
(Ash gulping drink)
(Ash belching)
- After I won the Pokemon Championship,
I spent some time meditating
with my guru/branding expert, Gwyneth Palpitoad
in its energy barn,
and in that Ayahuasco-induced hysteria,
I found peace.
I was ready to leave Pokemon behind
and start my new journey.
- [Reporter] Sure, sure, sure, sure.
But like why?
- What do you mean? I just told you?
- [Reporter 2] Hi, Chance Broxton,
Pokeballz with a Z,
I believe I can clarify the question,
but like, why?
- Er, can you guys not hear me?
Did someone use Throat Chop on me?
- [Reporter 3] Tracy Tracington, Monster Fights Quarterly.
Let me try to help you out.
Ash, we know you're retiring, but we wanna know why.
- Er... - Let me finish.
What could you possibly do with the rest of your life?
- Oh, I have GigantiMax sized plans.
There's the... erm...
Well, I, I mean, I'm definitely going to...
Erm. - Uh-huh.
This is what we're getting at.
You've been in the Pokemon circuit
for what seems like 25 years,
and in that time you've lost your family
and all semblance of a normal childhood.
It's just been decades of Pokemon battles.
That's it.
- [Reporter 2] Don't forget the post-traumatic stress
from all the terrorist organizations
who have tried to steal from
and or murder you on countless occasions.
- [Reporter 3] Not to mention the trio
of insane Team Rocket members
who embarked on a decades-long stalking
of both you and your Pikachu.
- D-Do you have a question?
- [Reporter 4] Yeah, I have one.
Dawn Chaniels, Torracat Fancier.
Can you read?
- What? Of course, I can read.
- [Reporter 4] You haven't had a formal education in years.
Hell, you've hardly been able to sleep
in the same bed for more than two nights in a row.
I mean, is it that hard to believe that you can't read?
- I can read!
- Prove it. - Next question.
- [Reporter] Do you have any money?
- Of course I do.
I'm the Pokemon Champion.
- [Reporter] And how much were you paid for that title?
- That-That's none of your business.
What kind of questions are these?
- [Reporter] No, look, I'm not asking as a reporter,
this is not for a story.
I'm asking as a concerned citizen,
worried that the illiterate manchild in front of me
doesn't have food or shelter
because he spent most of his childhood making monsters fight
and hasn't learned any real-world skills.
- What if I said I was planning on going back
to Pallet Town to live with my mom for a while?
(swirling electronic music)
(text bleeping)
Look, I appreciate that you're all worried about me,
but I-I'll be fine.
I'm sure Pikachu has been working
on some cool business ideas or something.
- [Reporter 2] You're banking on "some cool business ideas"
from an electric mouse?
- Or something. (reporters murmuring)
Hey, I'll have you know
that I signed a very lucrative contract
with Primeape Energy drink
and Logan Pollywag is gonna set me up for life.
- [Reporter 3] So then you did read the contract?
- This interview is over.
(reporters clamoring) - Are the allegations about
Professor Oak true?
(coin bleeps)
- [Reporter] What are your plans now that Ash is retiring?
- Pikachu.
Pikachu!
- [Reporters] Aw.
- No, seriously,
I've got some cool business plans or something.
- [Alex] Hey, this is Alex from Dorkly with some big news.
Dorkly is officially independent and weekly videos are back.
We're making all-new originals
and reviving old favorites too.
And since we're independent,
we need help from you, the fans.
So consider checking out our Patreon.
We got a ton of cool stuff like exclusive Patreon originals,
behind the scenes videos, comics, giveaways, special merch
access to our Discord, and a bunch more.
Hey, remember in the first few episodes
of the original Pokemon Anime
when Ash's mom kept making sure
he was changing his underwear?
That was weird, right?
Makes me really worry about that kid going out on his own.