In this video, we're going to be talking about how to tell if your ex is at the Test Drive
stage of getting back together. We're going to talk about that and what you can do to
move them forward. But first, my name is Clay with ModernLove.life, where we help you get
the great, loving relationship that you're looking for without having to play hard to
get, without having to play mind games, and without having to pretend to be someone or
something that you are not because you, of course, deserve to be loved for the unique,
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this channel.
Also, we are talking about the five stages of your ex going through these five stages
in order to get back together with you. If you want to learn more about how to help guide
your ex through these five stages, then you might want to check out our course called
the Ex Solution Program, which you can find down in the description box below this video.
So check it out if you're curious, if you're ready to sign up. Or if you're not into it,
that's totally okay too. Just sit back and watch this video.
All right. So in the last video in this series, we did talk about the Wall of Reactance. So,
you can go ahead and find that previous video right there. And so we're building off of
that and getting into the second stage, which is, of course, called the Test Drive stage.
Now, if you're at this point, you probably also know from the previous video that most
people's exes just start the breakup at the Riding the Dragon stage. But it's because
of things that we do or how we act after the breakup that we can sometimes push them back
into the Test Drive, which we're talking about today, or into a Wall of Reactance, which
we talked about in the previous video. I mean, sure, there's definitely times where you can
have this big blowout argument that ends in the breakup and then boom, your ex is right
there at Wall of Reactance. But assuming you have a nice, civil breakup where you're more
or less okay with one another afterwards, they're going to be at Riding the Dragon.
We'll talk about that in the next video in this series. But right now, we are talking
about the Test Drive. So the Test Drive stage, your ex still has a lot of that hesitation
towards interacting with you that they had at the Wall of Reactance, but it's starting
to move down a little bit, and they're willing to kind of open up and test the waters when
it comes to interacting with you. There's probably not going to be a whole lot of substance
there in their ability to interact with you, so it's probably going to be really surface-level
communication. That's one of the main ways that you can tell that they're at this stage.
It's the two of you are having a lot of surface-level communication.
You may also get these sort of lukewarm answers when you ask them a question, that you say
like, "Hey, how are you doing today?" and they respond with "Good," "Okay," or "I'm
fine." Just little things like that that you can't really sink your teeth into. And whenever
you're having a conversation, you're usually looking for something that you can kind of
sink your teeth into and say like, "Oh, you had a really frustrating experience at work.
That sounds interesting. Tell me more about that." That's like, okay, that could be something
juicy that we can turn into a conversation topic. But if you just say like, "Hey, how
are you?" and they're like, "Fine," it's like what are you supposed to say in response to
that?
So this is what you might experience if your ex is at this Test Drive stage. They are willing
to talk to you. They're not opening up a whole lot. They are not giving you a whole lot to
work with, but they are kind of just testing the waters to see what it's like to interact
with you. Or if you're coming at this backwards, maybe you were previously at Riding the Dragon
and you've kind of back slid into Test Drive, then it's like, okay, some of that warm behavior
is kind of shutting down, and we're having some negative progress here.
What you want to do at this point, I mean, it should be pretty clear. You probably don't
need my help very much to know if you're at Test Drive stage. A lot of the questions tend
to come later on when it comes to Riding the Dragon or Crisis Point or New Beginnings.
We'll get to those when we get to those in future videos. But for now, you probably don't
need my help to know if you're at Test Drive or Wall of Reactance.
So what do you need to do at this point? You need to start to gently guide your ex out
of this kind of comfort zone. Now they're kind of in their comfort zone, hiding behind
this sort of cocoon of reactance. They're kind of intentionally creating this distance
between us and them, and they're kind of hiding behind that distance. What we want to do is
we want to get them to feel comfortable moving a little bit closer. And yeah, it's great
if they can just kind of come boom, really close suddenly. But many times, many people
that I talk to and many people's exes that I know from working with these people, is
that they don't like to make these big steps. So oftentimes... And I'm totally this way
too. When it comes to doing uncomfortable things, I totally am not one of those like,
hey, let's just charge forward kind of guys.
What you do want to do is gently close that gap one little step at a time, and that's
going to help them to feel more and more comfortable, and that's going to help them feel more and
more comfortable opening up to you and being a little bit more emotionally invested in
interacting with you, which is how you get them from Test Drive to Riding the Dragon.
So what we want to do here is we want to find these things that we can sink our teeth into
in the conversation, things like where they said, "Oh, I had a really frustrating experience
today talking to my mother," or, "Oh, this really interesting thing happened at work,"
or, "Oh, I ran into so-and-so." Right? These can be obviously surface-level things that
we can talk about, but if we can start to shift it down to the emotional level and start
to uncover more of the depth beneath all of that, it gives us the opportunity to start
to connect. It gives us the opportunity to start to close that distance one little move
at a time.
And notice that both sides of my hands are moving in. That means that you have to be
willing to get a little bit deeper yourself, and that's going to invite them to get a little
bit deeper themselves. So both of you are going to have to have the vulnerability to
take a step forward here, and many times you are going to have to lead by being vulnerable
first. And this is going to show them that, "Okay, yeah, it's safe for me to open up,"
because you are committed to the interaction. You are opening up and sharing it's safe for
me to do that because... Again, nobody wants to just open up and pour it all out there
and just have someone say, "Oh, hey, whoa! That's way too much. I just wanted to ask
how you're doing so that you could say fine so that I could tick the box and say, 'Okay,
I'm a good, polite person,' and just kind of move on my way." Nobody wants to hear that.
So what we want to do is demonstrate to them that we are actually committed and we do actually
want to know by being willing to volunteer this sort of stuff first, by being vulnerable
ourselves first. So yeah, that's how you navigate through the Test Drive. And of course, we
have all sorts of techniques and strategies for how to do this. But it should be pretty
clear, if you're at the Test Drive, you should be obviously in communication with your ex.
There's not this strong pushing-away energy that maybe you were experiencing at Wall of
Reactance, but there's this kind of peeking-out-from-behind-the-wall sort of energy. Like, what's going on over
here? I'm not pushing you away anymore, but I'm not willing to fully come out and play
right now.
So if you're getting that vibe, if you're getting that sense, if that's the feeling
that you're getting when you're interacting with your ex, then that is how you know that
they are most likely at the Test Drive stage. And what we want to do is we want to show
them that it is safe for them to interact with us. It's safe for them to peer out from
behind that wall. They're not going to be met with a lot of this relationship-focused
stuff that may have driven them there in the first place, such as swearing up and down
that we've changed. I'm willing to fight for the relationship. I'll do anything for you.
Look at how much I've changed.
All of these sorts of things that can push them back there in the first place, we want
to show them that like, okay, that is not happening. I'm just here. I'm willing to connect
with you. I'm just kind of curious about what's going on in your life. Let's just talk. I
have no agenda. I just like connecting with you. And that is the right stance to have.
That's the right energy to have. And that is kind of what is going to get them to come
out and play, come out and experience what it's like to interact with you, what it's
like to open up, what it's like to connect with you. And this is how we can actually
start to have some real meaningful, emotional interactions between you and your ex. And
this is how we can actually start to progress past this Test Drive stage into the Riding
of the Dragon stage, which is going to be our next video in this series.
I have a hunch it is probably going to be our most popular video in the series. So by
the way, if you want to make sure that you don't miss that, please go ahead and subscribe
to this channel so that you can get caught up when we do post that. And make sure that
you do hit that thumbs-up button so that I get a nice boost to my self-esteem and know
that it is worthwhile for me to make that video.
But once again, my name is Clay. Thank you so much for watching this video. And again,
if you do like it, hit that thumbs-up button, subscribe, all that good stuff. We also do
have that course called the Ex Solution Program that guides you through all of these stages,
including the Test Drive stage. If you do want to learn more about the Ex Solution Program,
you can find information about that down below in the description box. But if nothing else,
thank you so much for watching this video. Please feel free to continue onto the next
video once I post it. And if you want to learn more about the five stages of getting back
together, you can find that right over here, or you might want to check out this video
over here. Thank you so much. Please take care, and I'll talk to you next time.