so I received a bunch of messages Trisha Paytas just came out with two videos
alright and there's so much to learn from this and I have no problem covering
this but I want you guys to realize like we need to reflect on ourselves and
there's there's so much that we can find insight to by watching this whole thing
play out what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired so where we talk
about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel
my channel is all about mental health sometimes what I do is take different
topics going on in the YouTube community to try to see what we can personally
learn from them to improve our own mental and emotional well-being so if
you're into that stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification
bell and I'm going to keep driving this home like just quick just real quick
thing something that bums me out is I just posted a video with a world famous
psychologist I know 90% of you watching this video have anxiety he and I spoke
about coping with anxiety during this tough time
his name is dr. Judson Brewer his TED talk has over nine million views and I
had the honor of interviewing him on my channel so please for the love of God
after this video go check that video out all right
like I discussed the YouTube stuff to see what we can learn but when I bring
an actual professional like just just do me a favor go check it out I guarantee
it'll help you alright in rant so anyways let's discuss I I
checked my Instagram DMS like I'm a gun this many messages like in a row in a
while and people are letting me know they're Trisha Paytas just released not
one but two videos alright so I'm gonna break it down into a few sections okay
and again like there's so much that we can learn from this so the first thing I
want to just touch on real quick regardless of what you think of Trisha
Paytas regardless of what your opinion is of her like the over-the-top nasty
comments are not cool they're not necessary I hope nobody
from my audience ever leaves those type of comments for example here is an
example of an email that I got yesterday I'm not gonna read it out loud because I
hope my video stays monetized but just take a look at this email
alright so just so you know like it's not cool and I think maybe some
youtubers are able to just empathize with one another when it comes to those
types of comments but yeah like Trisha Paytas discussing like the passing of
her uncle in that and as many of you saw in the disclaimer in the beginning like
I'm not a licensed professional all I have is assumptions and theories based
on my own personal experience but if I was talking with somebody if this was a
friend of Trisha Paytas was a friend of mine with all this stuff going on with
dissociadid and Anthony Padilla I would ask
I feel like do you think this has anything to do with the grief that
you're experiencing right now see a lot of times who try to escape these
difficult emotions that we're going through like human suffering is just
inevitable and this idea that we're ever gonna reach this place where we have
this perfect life it's just unobtainable we're going to experience loss we're
going to experience tragedy but the worst thing that we could do is try to
run away from it so I'm I'm wondering if this is a distraction for Trisha Paytas
rather than processing this type of grief you know what I mean but again I
don't know but if this is something that you're struggling with like just pay
attention a lot of people have very self-destructive behaviors after
experiencing a loss in their lives sometimes you know it is the loss of a
friend or family member but sometimes it's a relationship or the loss of a job
like a lot of us will just go into this ethic mode and completely self-sabotage
alright so the main thing the main thing I'm going to talk about something really
interesting called attribution bias in a little bit but the main thing I want to
talk about in this video in this video is Trisha Paytas multiple times in this
video discusses how she's been told by multiple mental health professionals
that she shows traits of borderline personality disorder she has talked to
friend therapist the psychologist they have talked about her fear of
abandonment and if you remember when we discussed the symptoms of borderline
personality disorder it is this very intense fear of abandonment all right
oftentimes it is an imagined fear right and it can turn into a self-fulfilling
prophecy okay but you combine a fear of abandonment this intense fear of
abandonment with poor emotional regulation you get what they call BPD
rage I discussed this in a video a few days ago many ways she discusses health
therapist of you know discussed her borderline traits and I've suggested
things like dialectical behavioral therapy but something Trisha mentioned
in that video is when she starts going through therapy and doing the work it
brings up a lot of terrible emotions and memories and everything like that and
then then she's done and this is something that I could relate to a lot
okay so in 12-step programs I'm seven and a half years clean 12-step program
saved my life I had no money no insurance these were free and I went to
them and there's something known in 12-step communities that some of you
might have heard of before we call them the 1-2-3 steppers okay
like the first three of the 12 steps in Alcoholics Anonymous Narcotics Anonymous
they're pretty like smooth sailing right admit you have a problem you know
believe in this higher power that can restore you to sanity turn your will in
your life over you like okay I got this I I'm doing I'm getting this momentum
but a lot of people duck and run once they get to the fourth step all right
the fourth step involves so much introspection it involves looking at
your past and worst of all it's looking at the people who have harmed you
throughout your life like from childhood until the place you are currently at and
if somebody who has done a fourth step it is so mentally brutal but you get
through that four stop and there is a great chance that you're gonna stay
sober okay but one-two-three steppers they work stuff 1 2 3 boom
and here's the thing that we need to understand like again we got to learn
from Trisha Paytas experience one of my favorite quotes comes from this amazing
meditation teacher named Shenzhen Jung and he says this pain times resistance
equals suffering okay let me repeat that for the people in the back pain times
resistance equals suffering okay pain is an inevitable part of life right
but when we resist especially the things that will help us that is what turns
into suffering right I don't like seeing anybody suffering or emotionally
struggling like Trisha Paytas was crying at about 75 to 80% of both of those
videos but at the same time we have to realize that that suffering will start
to subside when we stop resisting getting help okay something that dr.
Judson Brewer and I discuss in our video about anxiety the only way out is
through so when you go to therapy when you start working on yourself or maybe
it's a 12-step program whatever it is you have to do the hard work you have to
do the hard stuff and I can tell you from personal experience I get it I get
how much it sucks it sucks having to look at those things it sucks having to
address them like as an addict and alcoholic you know what I would rather
be do I would rather snort a bunch of drugs drink a lot of booze and just not
have to deal with it but it spirals into this thing where it destroys my whole
life and it feels like we see that with Trisha Paytas avoiding the work and then
causing a slew of her own problems and we need to recognize that when we're not
working on ourselves we start to cause our own problems
now even with seven and a half years clean I have a therapist I meditate I
journal and everything like that I can get into a messed-up headspace and when
it sounds like that like I don't go to nearly as many 12-step meetings as I
used to when I first got sober now the kind of like maintenance meetings but
when I am messed up in my head because none of us just fully recover from the
things that we struggled from mentally I get my butt into a meeting
and last year was one of the most difficult years of my life and I started
going back to meetings and something that I let them into all of you if you
have a friend who is struggling or whatever whatever it is do what my
beautiful girlfriend Tristan does like I would get back from a meeting and
there's this different thing about me right I'm in a better mood I have more
clarity all these things and she's like yeah you seem like you're in a better
mood that is what we call positive reinforcement okay so if you know
somebody like if they're starting therapy or whatever it is like give them
props like don't be like the mom or the dad like yeah you did it like don't do
that that is very condescending you know but say hey like seems that you're doing
better right and then it kind of clicks for that person like oh well maybe I
should keep doing that thing people are recognizing my improvement because I'll
let you know this a lot of us we don't notice the improvement within ourselves
so that is very it's always very important to support the people in our
lives when they are taking active steps to get better I've mentioned this before
but it was very clear it was very clear when Trisha Paytas was doing hardcore
therapy she was doing better okay like not perfect but she wasn't doing the
type of damage that she's doing now something else that I'm a huge advocate
of again Trisha Paytas mentioned how so many mental health professionals I've
mentioned she has borderline traits me personally with my mental health and
when I talked to others and they talked about therapy and get to ask me for my
advice on when I was working at the rehab I'm a huge fan of working on
symptoms rather than a diagnosis alright as you know mental illness can be
different for everybody well my anxiety might be different than
yours my depression might be worse or different than yours right so I feel
like it's more important to work on symptoms so which person hey this is
talking about her rage and having these blackouts and everything like that that
is something within borderline personality the diagnosis where it talks
about emotional regulation work on that and that is one of the main parts of
dialectical behavioral therapy right another symptom of BPD
is the fear of abandonment work on that find the traits or the symptoms that are
the most prominent with you and work on those talk to your therapist talk to
your psychologist here's what I'm noticing in my life about my personal
experience what can I do to work on these things right because if we can get
some of those symptoms under control life starts to get better as a drug
addict once I got the drugs and alcohol once I got that symptom of my problem
under control all the rest of the stuff I had to work on got a little bit easier
so the last thing I want to talk about videos going a little bit longer than I
expected it's something wonderful called the attribution bias whether you have
mental health issues or not this is a part of human nature and I hope
everybody understands it so in Trisha Paytas this video she discusses all
these things that from the outside seem hypocritical but we all do it we all do
it so she talks about how dissociated Eydie is only making videos about Trisha
Paytas for the views right she's only doing it for the views and Trisha Paytas
claims that she never does the same thing yet she has one video where she
used Anthony Padilla's name in the title and in the same video where she was
calling out to so she did on that she had dissociated its name in the title so
why do we have these blinders on why do we not see that we are doing the same
thing that we're accusing the other people of this is called attribution
bias okay it it is not pleasant for our brain it is too much of a cognitive load
to look at ourselves and realize our own faults so what happens is is our brain
starts to self justify the attribution bias is similar to or it's in
conjunction with cognitive dissonance our brain has these two fighting things
right so it's like okay I'm doing the same thing as this person right I'm
gonna call their mouth so how do how does my brain calm down and explain that
oh okay because I am a morally good person and this person is morally bad so
the only way to justify what I'm doing is to say
that you have poor intentions for what you're doing right best example I can
give you if you believe that you are not a victim of the attribution bias is that
next time you're driving okay the next time the driving be very mindful be
fairly courteous to yourself but notice all the dumb things you do notice how
many times you check your phone if you're like me my beautiful girlfriend
twisted her biggest pet peeve is how I I forget to turn my turn signal off right
I mean they're just these little dumb things that we all do while we're
driving right right like maybe sometimes you're not paying attention you spaced
out you start switching lanes for not to talk whatever it is whatever it is but
notice when somebody else does something well how many times do you look at
somebody like oh my god they're on their phone even though you're on their phone
five minutes ago that person cut you off oh my god somebody's speeding right but
when you're checking your phone it's important when you cut somebody else off
you had a good reason for it when you're speeding you got to get somewhere sorry
everybody else but the thing I'm doing is much more important than yours
this is the wonderful world of the attribution bias and the first step
towards dealing with any bias we all have so many biases and that's why I
hate when people say I'm objective about this no you're not player no you ain't
so the way we work on it is recognizing that it's there then we pause and we say
oh maybe have to cut that person some slack so I think a great example of that
is sitting Oh Church okay this is literally doing the same things that
she's accusing other people of doing but I'll finish up with this three things
get therapy and do the hard stuff okay the only way out is through pain times
resistance equals suffering okay it's gonna suck but you're gonna be grateful
for it next thing attribution bias pay attention
third thing go watch the video I did with dr. Judson Brewer and work on your
anxiety there are a ton of amazing tips it is about a 30 35 minute interview
just do your thing all of us are socially distancing right now you know
do your dishes clean the house you can play with your cat and just put
your headphones in listen to it it's a magical experience alright anyways
that's all I got for this video if you like this video please give it a thumbs
up if you do make sure you subscribe and ring that notification about and a huge
huge thank you to everybody who supports the channel over on patreon so also the
people who buy my mental health books or the rewired soul March and I look how
nice I am I'm linked the Judson Brewer interview right there alright thanks
again for watching see you next time