Do you want to know how to help a child analyze their own behavior?
It is a crucial skill to understand if you want them to be self governing. And after all,
this is the teaching self government channel. I'm Nicholeen Peck, I teach all over the world
about self government, and good parenting. And in this video, we're talking about analyzing.
In this video, we're going to talk about analyzing, how crucial it is to problem solving, we're going
to give you some don't do's, and then some do's some things you definitely want to do in order
to help your child analyze themselves. So self government is being able to determine the cause
and effect of any given situation and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors, so that you can
control them. So that means you have to analyze your own behaviors, and you have to analyze cause
and effect. That is a lot of analysis. In fact, before a problem can ever be solved,
it first must be analyzed. If you don't take time to analyze it, you might actually get emotional
about it. And that doesn't mean emotions are bad. But it could mean that you respond in a way that's
non productive, or that you actually feel like was not the way you wanted to respond. The whole
idea on self government is we try to stay front brain, that means we stay in the analytical part
of our brain, that is the prefrontal cortex. If we go to the emotional part of our brain,
which is the middle, or the back part of our brain, that fight or flight part of the brain,
then we start making decisions and behaviors, we start doing behaviors that we end up regretting.
So we definitely don't want to go to that place. That doesn't mean we can't feel anything. There's
whole other videos about emotions. So I'm not going to get into if emotions are good or bad,
because they actually are a vital part of who we are. Please see other videos, if you want more
information about emotions, but in this video, what we're talking about is how to help them
analyze themselves, because many children because their prefrontal cortex is, are very small. And
because they may have a habit associated with a certain thought pattern or behavior, they have
a hard time seeing past it. And they don't know how to analyze themselves so that they can make
a change. Because before you can ever make a change, you have to analyze, we're gonna get
into what to do to create that perfect analysis moment for the child. But before we do, click the
subscribe button now, this channel has so much great content on it designed to help you and your
family, learn more self government. All right, we're going to talk about the what to dues those
important do do. But before we have to talk about the don't do. So what should we not do? Well, I
think the no brainer is Don't overreact, okay. If you want to help your child analyze what's going
on, you cannot be emotional, you must be calm. And I hope you stay with me all the way to the end of
this. Because at the end, I have a special gift for you that will help you with your calmness,
what should you not do and that is get emotional, dump your emotions out on other people or as the
parent, think about how it relates to you how it's taking your time, your energy, how you have to
handle one more thing. Those are all negative and selfish thoughts. I hate to say the word selfish
to a parent, but it's true. I know parents who give, give, give everything do not like to think
of themselves as selfish at all. But we can all be selfish. At any given time, we can be too tired,
and then we get selfish, we could be frustrated from a whole day at the office, and then we could
get selfish. So there are many reasons why we can get selfish, every person has to be on the lookout
for selfishness all the time. So that is probably one of the most important don't do is don't be
selfish. Don't think about yourself. And don't get emotional stay in the logical part of your brain.
Think about caring about them, understanding them, and helping them know what they need to do. Next,
we're going to talk about how to do that. But first, another don't do is don't pass the buck and
blame something on somebody else. When your child has done something, whether it started with their
action or not. Do not blame somebody else. Help them analyze their action in every circumstance.
Even if something happened, that somebody else did. Somebody did something to them or something
was not their fault. Still help them analyze how they thought about it, how they felt about it,
what they did, because of it. One other thing you don't want to do is just ignore it and say
nothing. That doesn't help at all. How is a child going to analyze anything if you ignore it, in
fact, anything that you ignore you show acceptance of it? If this goes for videos, you know, movies,
books, anything, language, if you ignore it, if you say nothing you show it's okay. A child cannot
have the full capacity to analyze if they don't hear what things they could think, at the time. So
what are my options? Could I accept that as normal behavior? Or if I don't, why would I not they need
to have another perspective, parents are there to give the perspective, parents help train the
prefrontal cortex so that the child knows there's other options besides what just happened, and they
know how to handle a problem, maybe they are in front of a bad movie, if the parent turns off the
movie and says, You know what, we can not watch this movie because, and then they explain why
and relate it back to their family's standards, or their morals and beliefs, then the child has full
understanding. But if the parent just turned it off and said, That's enough for tonight,
the child has no idea why the parent thought that that movie was not okay to see. In fact,
they might just assume that the parent just wanted to be mean and go to bed at a really awkward time.
But no, there was something deeper in there. So explaining why discussing more, being sure that
you do the corrections and the praises, also help with analysis. So let's talk about analysis. What
are some of the key things that you can do to help a child analyze Well, number one, praise praise a
child six to 10 times for every one time that you correct them. If a child is praised more often,
then the child gets the opportunity to recognize that good equals good, which is another side of
the cause and effect and helps them learn that they want to make that same decision again,
for good reason. But also in order to help them understand and analyze situations as they come,
it's important that you do corrections as well. So any type of feedback that happens after an
action or a thought or a feeling is a place where they can analyze. So corrections or praises all
are useful feedback. Now, there are better ways to do corrections than others. We'll talk about
that in just a moment. But first, let's talk about another thing that helps with analysis. Before you
even get to the praise or the correction or that feedback, it's always good to prepare, the key way
that I do preparation is by doing something called pre teaching. Now, there's three different types
of pre teaching, I don't have time to get into all of them right now. But the concept behind
pre teaching is to prepare a person ahead of time for what is going to come. So if you analyze an
upcoming circumstance, and talk about what they could choose, in these upcoming circumstances, or
what could happen, based upon a particular action that a person might make, then that prepares the
child for the most successful interactions, or actions that they might choose. See, often we make
mistakes, because we didn't think it out ahead of time. So instead of just analyzing afterward,
how about we analyzed before, all of my books and courses have the component of analysis in them,
because analysis is one of the five keys of self government. In fact, it is one of the
most important keys of self government because you can't have self government if you're not willing
to be honest with yourself. But in this book, parenting house united, I lay out how to teach
a person self government, the analysis way, how to help them learn to make plans for themselves. Now,
in your family, you'll want to create a family vision that's talked about in here, you'll create
a family mission statement. That's also analysis that gets talked about in here as well. Also,
you'll create a family standard. That's a plan for going forward with the family. You'll teach
them the four basic skills of self government so that they can have them for their lives and
learn self mastery over themselves. You will also teach them the five teaching styles that
parents use to help correct problems when things go wrong, and how they will help them get back to
a place of self government. Also, in this book, there is something called a sodas exercise. A
sodas exercise is a problem solving exercise for developing self government and it's all about
analysis. They analyze situations, options, disadvantages, advantages and solution. Also,
there are meetings when a person has regular meetings with their family or individually
one on one with their parent or as a couple. We have three meetings we talk about how to
do great couples meetings, family meetings, and individual mentor meetings. Then those are also
times of analysis. Not only that, but it teaches you how to do all the corrections in it as well,
which is another way to do analysis. Now I know that I promised to tell a little bit about how
to do a correction. And I'm going to do that. Now. When you correct the last thing you want
to do is react, you definitely want to stay calm and have the right words prepared to say when
a person is choosing to correct someone else, they should start with a descriptive statement,
instead of a reactive statement. Reactive statements or statements,
you don't want to use my include things like what are you doing? Or what were you thinking?
Stop it, why are you doing that? Or I don't care. Those are all reactive statements very non
productive. Do not use any of those statements. That's a no, no, no. Right? So what statements
do you use instead, when someone does something that needs correction, you use a statement that
describes, I always start with a timestamp. My favorite timestamp is one that says just now,
because usually I'm going to correct something right when it happened. But if it happened earlier
in the day, I might say earlier today, which would be my timestamp. This reminds me to tell a story.
So I say just now I gave you an instruction, and you looked at me, but you did not keep a calm face
voice and body. When you don't keep a calm face voice and body, you actually get yourself in a bad
mood, what you should have done was kept a calm face, voice and body, and then all five steps to
following an instruction. That's one of our four basic skills that everyone in the family knows,
they know that's a baseline skill. If you can't or won't follow an instruction,
then we need to do some intervention. So that is the beginning piece of a correction, what
you just heard there was a description, and then a rationale which matter to them for why they would
want to change the behavior, because they don't want to make themselves get in a bad mood right
or feel bad. Then I told them what they should have done. So I described that to them as well.
Then we move on from there talking about what they've earned. So what negative consequences and
there's some that are better than others, then we practice doing things the right way. There's other
times of praising that happens in there, we do some pre teaching within the corrective teaching,
they get the opportunity to earn their extra tour, which means to actually go and do it and then they
get praised after that to during one correction, I usually praise them like five or six times.
It's a very positive thing. There's nothing negative about it, whoever thought or proposed the
idea that a correction has to be negative, just doesn't understand that a correction is just words
leading back to principles. There's nothing in them about having to be emotional at all. In fact,
everyone can learn that home is the safest place to make mistakes. And they do that by you teaching
them exactly how they will be corrected. I want you to learn more about corrections about the
four basic skills and you can do that in my next video, which is a full length class called the not
so known secret for parenting success. So click on the link to that video now and I'll see you there.