Some stories in the news
help us understand the world we live in,
and some news stories are just stupid.
For those, we turn to Ronny Chieng.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
If you're super rich,
the only thing better than spending your money
is having other rich people see you spend your money.
And the place you do that?
Auctions.
It's the place where a guy talks so fast
that he tricks you into buying crazy shit
you don't even need.
Like, one time I raised my hand at an auction
to ask where the bathroom was,
and I ended up buying a yacht.
And the yacht didn't even have a bathroom.
You're just supposed to pee over the side like a barbarian.
So, auctions were always where the rich went to flex,
but now it's just getting stupid.
Hey, are you a fan of grapes?
Would you pay $460 to eat just one?
A bunch of Ruby Roman grapes were sold at an auction
for $11,000.
NEWSWOMAN: The grapes are prized for their juiciness,
high sugar content and low acidity.
It is the most expensive bunch
since the breed came to market 12 years ago.
$11,000 for a bunch of grapes
sold to the dumbest guy in the room.
That's $500 per grape.
And because they're grapes,
you know you're gonna drop at least one,
and it's gonna roll under the fridge.
Typical grape shit.
And the mouse that picks up that grape
automatically becomes the richest mouse of all time.
If I'm buying grapes for $11,000,
those grapes better come with a sexy man in a toga
to feed them to me and then slap the shit out of me
for spending $11,000 on grapes.
And, look, if you think spending
a couple thousand dollars on grapes isn't a big deal,
what about spending $100,000 on a lump of plastic?
REPORTER: A little piece of the Force sold for a small fortune.
A prototype Star Wars action figure fetched
-just under $113,000 -REPORTER 2: Wow.
at an auction in Pennsylvania. Oh, my gosh.
The rocket-firing Boba Fett figure was originally intended
to be part of a toy line for The Empire Strikes Back
in 1979,
but it never went into mass production.
That's because it was deemed a potential safety hazard
to children.
That's right.
$113,000 for one toy.
For that money, you could have bought all of Toys"R"Us.
And the worst part is
you're dropping 100 grand
on a toy that wasn't even good enough to be released.
And I wonder why.
Look, I don't remember the part in Star Wars
where Boba Fett captures Han Solo with a red dildo.
(laughter, applause)
This all just shows you
that Star Wars fans will buy any stupid bullshit
even remotely related to Star Wars.
And that's why I'm gonna start selling
the Luke Skywalker walker.
So,
we have $10,000 grapes and a $100,000 broken toy.
And if you're looking to blow a million bucks
on something stupid,
I've got just the auction for you.
REPORTER: Three original NASA videotapes
of the Apollo 11 moon landing sold at auction
on the 50th anniversary for $1.8 million.
They show Neil Armstrong's first step on the moon
and Buzz Aldrin planting the American flag there.
Footage of the moon landing?
This guy just paid almost $2 million
for something he could've watched on YouTube, okay?
For that money, you could buy the actual studio
where they faked the moon landing.
Also, these tapes have been sitting in a box
for 50 years, okay?
Someone must have taped over them by now.
Whoever bought this is gonna be so pissed
when they sit down to watch them
and they're just old episodes of Full House.
So I get that the tapes are valuable, okay?
But for that price, there better be a man in a sexy toga
feeding me those tapes.
So that's the world of stupid auctions
that are really stupid, okay?
-Any questions? -Actually, I-I have a question.
And sold! You're now the proud owner of a new yacht
with a lot of pee on the side!
-Yeah! -Wait, I didn't want to buy-- I don't want to--
No, I...
Ronny Chieng, everybody.