[Title: Are You Too Busy For Your Teen] Hi everybody! I am Barb Steinberg. I'm a parent
coach for parents tween and teen girls and a teen life coach and a speaker on teen girl issues.
Today, I wanted to talk to you a little bit about being a Type-A type of parent. So even if you
don't consider yourself Type-A in today's world, we are pretty busy. We have packed schedules,
you know, with our own work with our kids school, the extracurricular activities, driving
them everywhere, making dinner doing homework. It's back to back, right, doing doing doing,
and not a lot of being and hanging out and rest time or play time. So I was recently meeting with
a mom who was sharing this with me in a parent coaching session that she was feeling like, you
know, I don't feel like I'm giving my daughters the love and attention that they need or they want
or that I want to give them. And it was you could tell that it was such a strong desire for her, but
that that pull and to be productive has been drilled into so many of us, me included. She
was trying to figure out how can I let go of some of that to create some space to really
be present for my girls, and give them the love and the intention that they desire and need. We
just we're throwing around some really, you know, tactile, really tangible, easy solutions, and one
is in today's world, a lot of us work and live at home and this mom happened to work from home,
but this could translate, even if you didn't. So, we talked about the idea of her possibly ending
her day a little bit earlier, because she said, the girls come home and I'm still in front of my
computer working. I feel bad I'm not greeting up at the door. I'm not you know welcoming them home
and connecting with them. And, she came up with the idea maybe I could end work 30 minutes early.
You know so the Type-A personality (yes, again I say this because I'm recovering) was like okay
well every day I'll do that. And I thought... I threw out the suggestion what if you just try with
one day a week that you come home a little earlier or you end your day a little earlier to set
yourself up for success and to kind of ease into a little bit and make it something that's doable.
You will be successful at and you'll feel, like I'm winning at this parenting game.
One day... two day... it doesn't even matter. What feels doable for you? What could be successful.
So, we also talked about setting an alarm on her phone so that at 4:30 or you know maybe
she gives herself a 10 minutes grace period at 4:20. She's setting an alarm letting her
know okay I'm wrapping things up so I'm done at 4 30 just to have that reminder. We talked about
(I'm looking at my notes guys) We talked about you know other small ideas,
and this might not be so small... but even just like taking your lunch period
and letting your daughter know of course. But driving to the school and bringing her
lunch and you the two of you hang out in the car or you know, she probably doesn't
if she can do that if she can or if you can go to her cafeteria depending how old she is. I
know if she's in high school she probably wouldn't want you to go to her cafeteria, but you could
hang out in the car you know have Chick-Fil-A and chit-chat. It's just something like unexpected
and it shows you going out of your way to do something nice for her to connect with her.
Slowing down is hard for the majority of us, especially in this busy world. So looking around
in the moment that you're at home and you can see things needing to be done -- the dishes need to be
done. You know, we just had dinner and we talked about the idea of asking yourself -- what is more
important in this moment? Is it having clean dishes and having a clean kitchen
or working and putting energy toward my relationship with my daughter?
And, you know, we also talked about the idea of setting an intention for the day
so an intention being, you know, I am improving my relationship with my girls. I'm connecting
with my girls more. I'm showing up as a more present, fun, light-hearted parent today.
Whatever it is that those words feel right to you, but we talked about putting them on
post-it notes. It's on the bathroom mirror; it's on her computer screen, even for her daughters
to see. It would be amazing for her daughters to see those post-it notes and know that their mom
is being intentional about working towards creating more space and connection with them.
So really, in every moment that we can,
and this won't be all the time, but maybe it's once a day where you would you know straighten up
the living room or you know fold the laundry and you will or you know I don't know run out and fill
up the gas tank... whatever it might be... or go run to the grocery store, but you say to yourself,
you know what, I'm just gonna hang out with my girls tonight. We're gonna watch a show.
We're gonna watch some videos whatever it is. I'm gonna listen to the new Taylor Swift
album with her and we'll eat cereal for dinner tomorrow night. I won't go to the grocery store.
So really just checking in with yourself! What am I creating what is my intention
that I want to create in my house with my family with these girls.
And then making that choice. I'm not saying it will be easy listen.
I love a clean kitchen more than the next person, but there are times to say the dishes can wait.
I'm gonna hang out and watch this show with my kid or whatever it is...
Go on a walk or bake brownies or whatever it is. So hopefully this gives you some food for thought
to be intentional about slowing down and being present and really showing your girls
in these small moments how much you really enjoy being with them so that they can have
these memories of you being really present and then you teaching them how to be really
present in the relationships in their lives. Thanks for listening! If you want more advice
tidbits suggestions on anything regarding parenting girls I hope you'll reach out through my
website www.barbsteinberg.com. Of course, I have many online courses for parents of girls about
connecting with them, communicating with them, teaching them to love themselves,
helping them to love sorry helping them to have better friendships.