[MUSIC PLAYING]
Back in these digital streets ready to get back to work.
You know what I'm saying?
MERO: You know what I'm saying?
The show is back.
MERO: Getting busy out here. It's still--
DESUS: Can't wait. - --summertime outside.
Got the glizzys on the grill.
You know the vibes. - You know the vibe.
MERO: You know what I'm saying?
You-- you-- you-- you gulping them?
Gl-- glizzy gulper out here. You know what I'm saying?
DESUS: There you go. MERO: Oh, yeah.
You in these streets? Yeah.
MERO: We're in the streets, bro. You know what I'm saying?
DESUS: Listen, a lot--
I ain't throwing a glitzy out.
I'm not throwing a glizzy out.
DESUS: Listen, y'all gonna get caught out there
eating a glizzy in the streets.
You know what I'm saying?
DESUS: Don't-- don't end-- don't end up on Instagram.
You know what I mean? With the shit dripping.
Right.
MERO: You got the corners of your mouth glizzy--
with glizzy juice.
DESUS: Right.
You better-- you just better inhale it.
Two bites to less.
You know what I'm saying?
DESUS: Two bites or less.
Facts.
You got Sarah J. that glizzy.
And all you people going to restaurants, we are still
in phase thr-- two-- four--
I don't know.
MERO: Pursuit.
Listen, hookah-- why you smoking
hookah during a pandemic?
Fam, stop.
Stop going-- DESUS: What's wrong with y'all?
--stop going to bars.
Mero, talk to them.
Stop going to bars.
Yo, y'all swinging the little thing around.
Everybody-- everybody is drin-- yo, let me--
oh, let me taste your drink.
Oh, yo, that's good. DESUS: Yeah.
Oh, that's hitting. No!
Stop.
DESUS: OK?
You know, you get drunk, you with your homeboys.
You in the club having fun.
A J Cole song comes on.
You all get turned up-- MERO: You know what I'm saying?
--and start rapping along.
No, that-- that doesn't happen.
A J. Cole song comes on, you fall asleep on each other.
Now, you're not-- DESUS: There you go.
--social distancing. You know what I mean?
DESUS: Now, you're breathing on each other.
You're leaning into the shoulder.
Open mouth.
You know what I'm saying?
That's just pathogens everywhere.
DESUS: Shout out to us having--
Stay inside.
--shout out to us having consistent J. Cole slander
since day one of our career.
Like, there-- there's absolutely no damn sense.
None of his songs.
DESUS: Like people are-- people are like,
you really hate J. Cole.
I was like, I really don't even feel strongly about it.
But I see--
MERO: I don't-- I don't know.
--how-- I like bot--
I like trolling his fans, so--
That's what it is.
It's not him.
Like, there's no problems with him at all.
DESUS: It's not him. It's the fans.
The fans, yo.
Yours fans are dicks.
You know in real life J. Cole would be mad cool.
You know we'd get along with him.
It's like how we use-- we used to always
slander Chance the Rapper.
And then we met him backstage at the Woodys and he was mad cool.
Yep.
DESUS: And like, shout out to rappers
who when we joke on them, and they meet us, they're like, yo,
those jokes is funny. MERO: Yeah.
Like, Donald Glover fucked with the show.
And he knows we be--
he knows we be cooking him. - Cooking him.
DESUS: You know what I'm saying? He knows.
He sees-- he's seen all that shit.
And he says the show is funny.
So shout out to him.
Every now and then you get people
who get in their feelings when we make a joke about them
on perhaps a show on a different network, you know.
And then, you know, they make the mistake of going
and I don't know--
Getting in their bear.
DESUS: Baiting the bear-- baiting the bear
named Freddie Gibbs, you know.
Oh, ho, ho.
Oh, man.
Livingston!
Livingston.
He said, I don't care.
He's like, you're African-American rappers.
I don't-- what was that?
What did that mean?
DESUS: No, my favorite part--
When he said that, I was like, what?
--my favorite part is, like, Freddie gives
us [INAUDIBLE] wild pussy.
He's like, post your taxes.
Like, nah, nigga, that's not--
What's the correlation here?
DESUS: Show me your taxes.
You're a pussy.
Yo, I'm pussy?
Show me your taxes.
You know what?
Show me your-- show me your W-4.
Let me see that.
DESUS: Get me the 1099. MERO: Yo.
Show me the miscellaneous.
Huh?
Let me see the deed-- let me see the deed to your house.
DESUS: If you don't get your-- boy, if you don't get
your H&R Block ass out of here.
He's flipping-- he's flipping the sign for Liberty
Tax Services on the corner.
I watched the old episode we did of it.
That was such a weird way beef.
We never went at him, like--
At all. DESUS: At all.
And my man was in tears.
Like--
MERO: I was just like, yo, fam, you-- you just
don't-- you did a lot of b--
I mean, which is a fact.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, that's like, yo, LeBron dunks basketball, fact.
[BEEPING]
Academiks does clown shit on the internet, fact.
[BEEPING]
Like--
He's in the racial chat room showing tears.
MERO: Yo, showing tears.
What, what, yo.
He's hanging with a known snitch.
Did you see-- what is it August--
August Aline, whatever, that guy?
I seen it, yes.
Listen-- MERO: That was--
Mess-- messy.
MERO: --that was the messiest messy.
Yo, bro, that was--
Is it messy, though?
--that was an onion of mess because it just--
once they opened up the first layer,
it was like, all right, cool.
Everybody knows Will and Jada been-- they-- they--
they've been said it.
Like, yo, we got a open marriage.
Like, you know, whatever, whatever, dah, dah, dah.
DESUS: Yeah.
That's cool, fine.
Like, y'all Hollywood, y'all do your thing.
No judgment.
You know what I'm saying?
That's cool.
The layers become now yo, this dude comes into picture
and like, yo, he's like, yo, I was-- they fooled me.
I don't know exactly what he said.
But, like, he was basically like, yo, I fell in love.
And-- DESUS: Yeah.
--I was knocking her down.
And Will was like, yo, go ahead, do your thing, my g.
Like, and I was just like, yo, this is just like [EXPLOSION]..
Yo, that's wild.
It's like, was he like blowing Jada's back out
and, like, Will walked by, tapped him on the shoulder
like-- (SINGING): nah, nah, nah--
MERO: Hey, yo.
(SINGING): --get jiggy with it, nigga.
Yeah.
DESUS: Yo.
He said--
(SINGING); We always try to the volume of the choach.
[LAUGHTER]
(SINGING); I got one in little choach and my mom got scared.
Oh.
People were just like, yo, Will and Jada are, like,
relationship goals.
I was like, you can--
an open relationship only works if you have a lot of money.
Yeah. If you're a bill--
DESUS: Yeah.
--if you're both milionaires, then--
Yeah. MERO: --obviously it works.
All right. You can't--
MERO: Cause it's like--
--be in an open relationship where you make $30,000 a year.
And I know this. - No.
DESUS: I know this, OK?
I've tried.
It does not work.
It just gets your car keyed.
That's what happens.
Oh, damn.
How-- how you got-- that's too much.
See, that's why people want to eat the rich.
You got mad money, and you got an open relationship?
Come on, dog. DESUS: You--
Come on. Stop.
DESUS: Come on, bro.
And then the crazy shit is that like--
DESUS: You doing too much.
--the wild shit is that my man said like, he--
like, he came out-- he, like--
all the interviews he's given, it's like, he's-- he's like,
yo, I'm feeling away.
Like, he's a sensitive guy.
DESUS: Yeah.
But then it's just like also, album release is coming soon.
And then I just hear that 50 Cent--
that 50 Cent, like, voice where he's like,
seven days before your album drop, huh, nigga?
DESUS: Yeah.
When he was talking that shit about Ja Rule.
He's like, right before the album drop, huh, motherfucker,
huh? DESUS: Damn.
I was just like--
DESUS: Wow.
Are you being messy for album sales, my guy?
You trying to get on the new "Love and Hip Hop"?
What you doing over here?
But then the killer shit is that, like, so then you read,
and you read, and you read, and you
fall into, like, this vortex of like, what is going on.
And then somebody just pops up and is like,
well, they shouldn't even be worried
about that because Will was messing Tichina Arnold's man.
I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Time out, time out.
DESUS: Yeah.
I was like, nah, nah, nah.
Now, we're just getting into, like, baller levels
of, like, slander and gossip.
DESUS: People just making up shit.
Like no.
Yeah, now you're just making shit up.
Like, chill, stop.
But I love that the people make up stuff
because they feel it so hard.
And they go in.
So hard.
They're telling you facts, and they've never met these people.
MERO: Ever.
They're like, well, August feels this way because he--
you know, he's a nurturer and a lover.
And Jada just used him as a project
because that's what she does.
And if you look in her p--
I'm like, ma'am, ma'am.
If you look-- if you look at her chart.
I'm like, get this-- bitch, if you don't
get that chart out of here.
Right.
MERO: If you look at her astrological chart,
she's a Cancer moon with a Venus sun.
I'm like, yo, what the fuck?
Her birth sign was a raising action.
She was born at 1:49, which makes her a Pisces.
I'm like, what?
Yo!
No, she's just rich.
Here's a hot take.
You got to protect the top.
Like, if someone asks you what time you were born,
you have to, like, not give it to them.
Giving them that information is the same as giving someone
your social security number. MERO: Facts.
Don't do it, OK?
MERO: And your date of birth together.
They make a chart for you, and it's all over.
Like yo, I know you.
I know you.
DESUS: Yeah, I know you. Oh--
I can tell you your future.
--and then you--
and then the worst part is you'll do something,
and they'll be like, typical Taurus behavior.
Like, come on.
Why?
Yeah.
My girl told me not to fuck with a Taurus.
I should have listened.
The worst zodiac sign?
I was going to say Gemini.
But no, no.
That's weird because this is like what--
the thing is like you-- you create
a whole narrative about Zod--
astrological signs based on, like, one
person you met who was a jerk.
Exactly.
So people are just-- yeah, so you're just-- you're like,
you know mad Geminis.
You got-- you got best friends who are Geminis.
They're wonderful people.
That one person that was-- that fucked you over,
now you're like, yo, fuck Geminis.
I hope they all die.
I'm like, yo, fuck alll of y'all.
Your moon-- the moon is in Uranus.
Fuck y'all.
The only good side is Taurus.
Suck my dick.
Fuck y'all, all of y'all.
You know what?
I'm going full circle.
I'm opening a new lane on Twitter.
I am now the glizzy reader, OK?
The glizzy reader.
DESUS: I will read your glizzy to-- to tell
you your future, all right?
Yo. DESUS: I'll be like--
I'll be like, oh, OK, well, you see the burn marks
right here, that means you're going to come
into some money right here.
And I can see by the large size that you are a goblin.
So--
MERO: Yo, you could-- no, they--
they just got to eat this glizzy.
And as far as they get the glizzy in their mouth,
they bite, and then you read it.
From what's left?
Yeah.
Hey, yo.
Like, yo.
Like, yo, we have half--
half an inch of glizzy left.
So that means that you're a real go getter.
Yo.
Desus and Mero digital shoot sponsored by Hebrew National,
right?
Also shout out to Hebrew National with the wild flex.
They were like, you eat regular franks?
Nigga, we answer to a higher authority.
You was like-- - That's right.
Yo.
God makes our hot dogs
Did you shit on other franks?
Like, even when you go in the hot dog section, the Hebrew
National, they act stuck up.
They're over there.
They act like they're better than the other franks.
They're like on the-- DESUS: They're like, oh.
--top shelf and shit, like ew.
DESUS: They judge you when--
they judge you if you buy the supermarket brand.
They're like, you just hear them just like rolling.
They're like, tsk.
Ah, you broke.
Ah!
Broke boy.
Ah, fuck out of here, ah.
DESUS: Ah.
Yo, he buying regular glizzys.
You're like, yo, shh.
Ew!
You're making it hot.
Yo, he buying bunless glizzys.
He's a cool bull.
Yo, whose man is this?
You can't take the whole glizzy?
I'm like, yo, someone shut--
yo, someone shut these franks up.
Ah.
PRODUCER: Did y'all-- did y'all see Jadakiss
and-- and Fabolous battling-- - Oh!
DESUS: What is this?
PRODUCER: --on Verzus the other day?
Oh, did we.
DESUS: Yeah, yeah.
MERO: Yo, Jadakiss, yo, I love Jadakiss, and I will--
I will never stop loving Jadakiss because yo,
his whole vibe was like, yo, I--
I'm not, like, in a club.
I'm not doing a performance.
I'm standing in front of a bodega
with a playlist of my best shit.
DESUS: Yeah.
Y'all gonna hear this shit.
He even had the bodega plastic cup.
It was wild. - Yep.
MERO: Like, I loved it.
And you seen-- and that he have big drunk guy from--
MERO: He was like--
--the bodega energy.
Just like, yo.
This right here, like, yo.
DESUS: Just-- just every song is the greatest song in the world.
You gotta get a close up on your boy and be like, yo, yo.
MERO: Yo.
Yo, yo, bro, bro, I love you, bro.
No, bro.
I never-- yo, this is-- yo, we made it, bro.
And then you get drunk, you start
talking about shit in the past.
You're like, yo, bro, remember when was hustling?
Now look at us, bro.
We here now, bro.
Yo, I love you, bro.
Yo, remember when we shot that motherfucker
in the face and shit?
DESUS: Yo, yo.
MERO: Oh, shit, it's police.
Bro, I'll shoot anyone.
Yo, point to someone right now, I'll shoot them for you, bro.
Word, word. DESUS: Like, on God.
I got you, bro. You my man.
Word, word.
Like, yo, you like a brother to me, bro.
You like family, bro. MERO: Facts.
Fiick it up one time.
That's my man. - Yo, yo.
DESUS: That's my man.
Yo, we out here.
You know the vibes.
You know what I'm saying?
We out here with the vibes.
DESUS: And you drunk--
you drunk, and like everyone else--
everyone else is just kind of tolerating you.
Like, everyone is just like, yeah, this is what he does.
MERO: OK, yeah, thanks. - You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
MERO: Yeah, great. Thank you.
Go ahead, yeah.
And you-- he's like starts rocking, and you know what?
Mero, Mero, Mero.
What's up?
Mero, yo, Mero, Mero.
Member-- member-- member we was-- it was East Treemont.
MERO: Yeah.
And you had the-- you had the-- you
had the little cookies.
You had the little cookies, like the cookies.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and then-- and then the girl came through.
And she had the-- she had the thing.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Yo, I love you, man.
That was funny.
I love you, too, bro.
Look, yo, bring me a thing of water.
Bring me some water.
Yo, yo, remember Mero got cookies.
My Mero got cookies.
You know what I'm saying?
Yo, yeah, I got cookies.
You know what I'm saying?
Yo, you my guy, though. You my guy.
- You my man. - Yeah, yeah.
You my man, Mero.
You know what I'm saying?
Here, drink some water.
You know what I'm saying?
DESUS: And then like, if it's too hot, all of a sudden,
the guy that was laughing too much at the barbecue,
now he's-- he get real quiet cause
he started thinking about shit.
And he start looking at people weird.
Like, you're like, yo, you all right?
He's just sitting there like.
I'm good.
DESUS: Did-- did you see Tyler Perry is doing
a new Madea movie because--
shout out to the BET Awards the other night,
which was super Black and not on some hey, we're BET.
It was just like mad Black Lives Matter commercials.
And they had like--
they had commercials that would just
make you cry for being Black.
And I was like, this is not a fun event whatsoever, but--
MERO: Damn.
They-- they-- and then Tyler Perry has mad new movies
coming out directly to BET.
And they just kept showing it.
And he has like a new--
he's dressing up as Medea.
And it's, like, a Broadway play.
And then they made-- they made a coronavirus joke on stage.
And I was like, damn, Tyler Perry--
I was like, he don't--
he-- like, he be working.
I mean, but his movies aren't that hard to make.
But he be making money, so--
Fam, it's like-- it's like--
it's like when remember, like, when
we was-- when we was coming up and it
was like Bruce Lee was the man?
DESUS: Mm-hmm.
And like, there was, like, all the bootleg Bruce
Lee movies and shit like that. It's that.
DESUS: Yeah.
Like-- like, it's like, yo, oh, I found my little--
I found my lane, phew. like--
Well, he was saying in that show with Rashida Jones,
"Black AF."
They actually had Tyler Perry on it.
And they were-- he was there talking to him.
And he was like, fam, like, people don't like my movies.
But guess what?
The people who do fuck with it heavy.
So that's who I make my movies for.
Yep.
DESUS: And ever since he said that, I
was like, you know what?
I can't knock his hustle, nigga, shit.
Like-- - He cornered the market.
DESUS: --Madea movie--
Madea movies make money.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
You know what it is, baby.
DESUS: Shit, I know what it is.
We got to get in that lane.
We got to-- which one of us is dressing in drag?
Both of us.
No, only one of us.
Remember "Bosom Buddies"?
No.
Nigga said "Bosom Buddies."
Wow.
OK.
What some funny shit--
I'm going to stop OBS.
--we get made. Would this shit even get made--
I am going to stop OBS because--
--in 2020?
--there-- there's a law--
And wasn't that Tom Hanks?
DESUS: Yes, it was. - That was Tom Hanks.
[BEEPING]
DESUS: That was-- there's a law that
says certain references are too old to be recorded digitally.
For those of you-- do you guys all remember "Bosom Buddies",
the terrible sitcom where Tom Hanks and his friend
dressed in drag so they could get,
like, a lower rate on an apartment
or some shit like that? MERO: Yo.
And every time someone would come over,
they'd have to, like, dress up.
Dress up mad fast and put make-up on and shit.
I was just like, yo, what am I watching?
DESUS: And you want to--
you want to be like, that was wild problematic.
But don't forget, like, "Diff'rent Strokes"
was on at the time.
And at that point, like-- MERO: Yo.
--basically the premise of that
was a white guy was driving-- - Was.
DESUS: --through Harlem was like,
get me those two blackies. And there you go.
MERO: Get me those two little Black kids.
I want-- I want--
I want them.
I need two.
I want to bring them in my house.
Yo, it was-- it was the '80s, though.
You know what I'm saying?
A little [SNIFFS].
MERO: There was-- there was no pitch that was too cra--
too wild. DESUS: OK.
You know what I'm saying?
It was just a fucking giraffe at Sound Fact--
Studio 54 pitching shows like, bro, so get it, right?
It's a little Black kid with a kidney condition, though.
He's a grown man.
But then he lives with, like, two old people.
And their name is, like, Papadopoulos.
And like, his name is Webster.
MERO: Think about it.
He's cute. Think about it.
Bro-- DESUS: Bro.
--I got this idea, right?
There's this guy, right?
He's like-- DESUS: OK.
--he draws-- he draws cartoons.
DESUS: OK.
But every time he draws cartoons,
he has to put a puppet on his hand.
But then the puppet talks to him.
He talks to the puppet.
You know what I'm saying?
That's a great idea for a show, right?
Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, that's--
bro, bro, bro, listen, listen, all right, so listen.
Listen, bro.
So all right, bro, so it's an alien, bro.
It's alien, bro.
MERO: Yeah, yeah.
DESUS: All right?
He eats cats, OK?
Ah, shit.
I can't feel my fucking face. - Yeah.
DESUS: So he eats these fucking cats.
This shit is good, bro. DESUS: And he-- he--
yo, bro, this is fire.
Where'd you get this from, Peru?
This guy named Alfredo.
He's, like, just call me Alf.
Alf?
Oh, shit.
Oh, bro.
Bro, that's it right there.
The fucking alien's name is Afl.
Alf.
Alf, the cat eating alien. Bro!
DESUS: There you go.
Bro, bro, it's going to be great.
Bro.
Oh, fuck, yeah.
DESUS: Bro, bro, this is great.
Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, bro, easy on the coke.
Drew B--
MERO: We're gonna be big.
--bro, Drew Barrymore is in the bathroom.
Save her some lines.
Come on.
Oh, hey, hey, Drew, come here.
I got a shoelace for you.
DESUS: Let's go.
Yo, we are fucking wilding.
Yo!
This is the wild out hour.
Fuck happy hour.
DESUS: The wild out.
This is the new-- this is the new Chapel's
trap house, all right?
Cool, cool, cool, those fucking vibes.
MERO: Yo.
DESUS: All right.