- This is pretty (beep) up.
I'm Heather Dubrow.
- And I'm Terry Dubrow.
- And we are here playing Expensive Taste Test with Cosmo.
Do we have expensive taste?
- Do dogs have fleas?
Big time.
- Ours don't have fleas.
- Yeah, they do, they're scratching all the time.
- No, they don't.
They take the--
- Why are they doing this thing?
- They don't have fleas.
- She has expensive taste AKA the money flush.
(upbeat music)
First of all, this is totally unfair.
(Heather laughing)
Champagne and you?
I mean, it's like asking our children's middle names.
I have no idea.
- What's Katarina middle name?
- Alexandra.
- Yes. - Yes.
- What's Coco's middle name?
- Kennedy.
- Oh, you do know. - All right, so far so good.
- Let's see after you drink a little bit.
Cheers. - Cheers.
(glasses clinking)
Versus that, by the way, that's low budge champagne.
Even I can tell.
See, this is better champagne, it's sweeter.
Maybe because I'm low budget,
that's the way I think.
By the way, she would send both of these back
because they don't have enough bubbly.
I can just tell you that right now.
- Don't do that while I'm drinking.
- She'd need a fresh bottle.
So, already--
- Well.
- This is the better glass of champagne, obviously.
This is what we like to refer to as--
- Limo champs.
- Cat piss.
- No one calls it cat piss.
- Oh, I don't drink champagne--
- We would call that limo champs.
I have to tell you they're both actually very nice.
They both taste like a Brut champagne to me
and I enjoy them both.
And just because something is more expensive,
doesn't necessarily mean it's better.
But I'm gonna go with--
- This one.
This one's better.
Or maybe it's sweeter, and lower budget,
and for people with no discerning--
- No, I'm gonna go with this one.
- Yeah, this one.
- As the more expensive.
(buzzer ringing)
- By the way,
the most expensive cat piss on the planet right here.
- (laughs) That is so gross.
Stop saying that.
Just keep it, yeah, for sure.
- [Crew Member] You can keep them.
- We'll keep both. - I'll take the Perrier, okay.
(upbeat music)
- There's a design flaw here.
Do you know what I'm gonna say?
- The spoons are too big.
- No, the spoons are metal.
So, when you have a metal spoon, it turns the caviar.
That's why it has to be made of a different material.
- Or it's like a porcelain.
- You can use wood.
You can use mother of pearl,
is a typical caviar spoon.
But if you eat it with metal, it turns the caviar.
Now, this is a little greener,
but here's the thing.
Petrossian has this new, it's like pretend Beluga,
and they call it Kaluga or something like that.
- Kaluga?
By the way, 28 an ounce is cheap by Heather's standards.
I can tell you, fish eggs,
if you haven't had caviar before--
- I can already tell you that's the expensive one.
- Disgusting, so.
- This is--
- Whichever one isn't in my mouth is the one I like.
- Yeah, that's the $6 one.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- What is it? - It's Heather Dubrow.
I'll take the cat piss to wash it down.
- Would you stop saying that?
That's not funny.
- I'm sorry.
(upbeat music)
- I don't smell truffle in this one.
- No, you can smell truffle in this one.
As bougie as we are, we hate truffle.
- Hate.
So, this one is more truffly.
So, this has gotta be more expensive.
- This one looks like those yummy chips that we liked,
the salt vinegar ones.
- This is like truffle oil was poured on it.
- No, but you know the vinegar and salt ones that we like?
- Yeah.
- That looks like that.
I'm gonna say these are the more expensive ones
and these are the cheaper ones.
This looks like a bagged chip to me.
This looks like a crafty chip.
Yay!
We're very fancy.
- The truffle thing is, to me,
one degree separation from stool, to be honest with you.
- There's a lot of excrements we're talking about.
(upbeat music)
You know I love an Oreo.
- By the way, you can kinda tell looking at them.
This seems to be the higher quality.
- Why, why does that look higher quality?
- Because this looks like it's made poorly.
It's manufactured without any kind of attention to detail.
- You know what I used to do when I was a kid?
I would open the Oreo, and slice off the middle,
and make one big cookie.
I still do that when I'm drunk sometimes.
- This is the more expensive one.
It's tastier, it's constructed better.
- I can already tell, this looks like a Trader Joe's.
- Yeah, this is, this one's low budge.
Chocolate, look, it's even just the way,
you can just tell looking at.
- I gotta tell you though, that low budge one is tasty.
I like that.
I think this is the expensive one,
but that one's very good too.
Yay!
- This is the more expensive one.
- This is a good plan too, watch this.
- This is a little bit of a.
(air whooshing)
Sort of a Oreo, not an Oreo (beep) sandwich. (laughs)
Meaning it's not good unless--
- Are you telling who's fancy and who's not fancy now?
- I grew up in the Valley.
What do you expect?
- By the way, honey, try it.
- Mmm, that's good.
(upbeat music)
- Well, is this New York City tap water?
'Cause New York City tap water is--
- That's why the bagels are so good.
- It's good.
- There's no evidence that bottled is any better than tap.
- Yeah, that's tap water.
That's bottled water.
- You know what it tastes like?
- Water? - Water.
(Heather laughing)
So you think this one's.
- No, I just take that back.
This is the bottled water.
- This is the bottled water, yeah?
(bell dinging)
You.
I don't drink too much water
because it kind of dilutes the alcohol, so.
- He doesn't like to be hydrated.
(upbeat music)
I can already tell you that's from the drug store.
Oh, it's La Mer, Creme de la Mer.
- Which?
- This one.
And this is like.
- This one looks more expensive.
- Eucerin, Creme de la Mer.
(buzzer ringing)
(gasps) No way.
Yeah, that, by the way,
that one is the one that smells like it to me.
I failed.
But you know what?
Thanks for the hand cream.
(upbeat music)
I've seen this candle before.
I don't remember where though.
(Terry sniffing)
I don't know, but that, to me, looks like an Ikea candle.
- What makes a candle more expensive than another candle?
- I don't know, the way they, the scents.
I remember one time we bought candles
from a really low-end place and we had a party,
me and my sister.
And the next day, everyone woke up with soot,
black soot in their noses.
It was so bad.
- I'm gonna say.
- Well, I mean, this has a wick thing on the bottom,
which is more expensive.
But I feel like that design looks more expensive to me.
- This looks like an awkward sexual position.
- (laughs) You wanna try that later?
- Yeah. - Yeah, okay.
They're both kind of ugly.
- This one is more an object de art.
- But that's why I think it might be more expensive
because it's more complicated.
That looks like a machine that they can just.
(mouth clicking)
This looks like something one has to create.
- Okay, you convinced me this one is more expensive.
- We'll go with that one.
(bell dinging)
(Heather laughing)
(upbeat music)
- Oh, gold chains.
By the way, if you can't tell the difference
between these two--
- He's never buying me jewelry again.
- Never getting expensive jewelry--
- This is pretty (beep) up.
- This looks more expensive and nicer.
It's gotta this one that's more expensive.
- They're both very nice, actually.
- This one looks nicer.
- Yeah, I'm gonna go with this one.
I say this is the more expensive.
- But jewelry's a scam.
- I say that's the more expensive one.
(bell dinging)
- This one, I'm gonna say this one.
(buzzer ringing)
Oh, she knows, okay.
- By the way, thanks.
No, let me tell you how you can tell.
- Tell me.
- First of all, it's the weight.
So, you feel how that one's lighter and that one's heavier?
- This one feels heavier.
- No, it doesn't.
This one feels heavier.
And then, also you can just tell,
it's a better looking gold.
This looks, it just doesn't look real.
- Neither of them are appealing to me,
to be honest with you.
- Oh, I think this is actually.
By the way, I think this is super cool.
You could layer this.
I love to layer.
Just layer this with a whole bunch of necklaces.
- We'll steal it, just don't tell anybody.
I can put it in my back pocket.
- Wait, wait, we won't tell anyone.
(upbeat music)
- Men's cologne.
This one. - Here's what we're gonna do.
- This one.
- We're gonna put them.
Wait, let's look at the bottle first.
Oh no, they're covered, so we can't even tell.
- Okay, so one's half price.
- But they're both expensive.
No, that's plenty.
- Don't you spray it and then walk into it?
Isn't that--
- No.
That's if you wanna wear it.
I know that scent.
It's like, what's that one that all the guys wore?
Obsession for Men.
That was back in my day.
- Oh, that one smells like fungus in the closet.
- So, that must be expensive.
- I don't know, this is like--
- No, it smells like Tom Ford.
- This one is more, more palatable to me.
This one is more like,
this is something went bad in the refrigerator.
- No, it doesn't.
- No?
I'd say this one.
This one's nicer.
By the way, I don't wear cologne.
My natural smell is so good.
- Well, I'll be the judge of that.
I actually like that one.
- This smells like cleaning fluid.
No, you reach under the sink.
Wipe off the counter.
Dog pooped on the floor.
You pull this out.
It's this.
- This, to me, is like when a guy puts on cologne,
and then hugs you,
and you're wearing his cologne for the rest of the day.
You hate it 'cause you don't really know that person.
- I like this one.
- So, you don't wanna wear their scent.
Very, very strong.
I honestly don't care which one is more expensive.
- By the way, you better not be wearing--
- But I don't like that one.
- Some other guy's scent anytime soon.
I like this one, this one's good.
This is cleaning agent.
- It's that one.
(bell dinging)
- Geez, is there anything you don't know?
If it's more expensive, Heather knows.
(Heather laughs)
- I feel like I still won the champagne.
- Right. - Quite frankly.
- You did because you're so discerning
that you know what champagne you like
and you know champagne.
- I think I was going with more what I liked better
versus what was more expensive.
Where's my prize?
- I'm your prize.
- Oh.
- You scored.
Lunch, expensive lunch.
- Oh. - On me.
- That was so fun.
- Well done.
- Well, this was so fun.
Love doing the Expensive Taste Test here at Cosmo.
Don't forget to watch "Real Housewives of Orange County"
on Wednesdays at 9:00 PM on Bravo,
and listen to Heather Dubrow's World Podcast, that's mine.
Anywhere you get your podcasts.
Bye.
(upbeat music)