from previous roles.
This is gonna be a disaster.
(upbeat music)
I've been fighting
with blank, blank, blank behind my back.
But what happens when I'm blank, blank blank.
Okay, I think I know this.
I've been fighting with one arm tied behind my back.
But what happens when I'm finally set free?
I've been fighting with one arm tied behind my back.
But what happens when I'm finally set free?
Yay. All right.
Whew. There's no words here.
This one is, no, I'm your blank.
So, sometimes I have to blank, blank,
blank, blank, blank blank.
(gentle music)
No, I'm your best friend.
So, sometimes I have to listen
to your deepest, darkest secrets.
(buzzing for false answer)
One of my favorite pieces
of dialogue from that great buddy comedy I did called,
You've Got A Friend In Me.
No, I'm your mom.
So, sometimes I have to pick for the both of us.
Wow. I think the one I did was happier than the actual line.
I think I've purposely deleted
that one from my brain, for obvious reasons.
Room was extremely heavy.
It was hard.
It took me a really long time to let that character go
and I learned a lot from her.
But it's an interesting part of my job to have to like stare
into the darkness and the void
of humanity in ways that you wouldn't want to normally.
But it's a cool thing too.
He told me to make myself at home.
So, I went to his office, blank, blank
blank and drunk-ordered a bunch of blank, blank, blank.
Whatever this is.
My mom should not have let me say this.
Went to his office.
Printed some head shots
(buzzing for false answer)
and drunk-ordered a bunch of Hertz candy dispensers.
(buzzing for false answer)
He told me to make myself at home.
So, I went to his office, took off my bra
and drunk-ordered a bunch of quilts on Etsy.
That's not even fair.
That is not even fair.
Cut that, you're cutting this. That one.
That's not fair.
That's not even a line from a thing, that's too deep.
I would definitely, let me make this very clear.
I would definitely do a guest host gig again.
Let me know if you need any materials sent.
I've got a real learning how to like pay attention
to the clock and like commercial breaks and all of that.
It's one of those things that like,
I felt similarly when I did SNL.
You're just like trying to survive
and then by the end of it you're like, that was really fun.
I wanna wanna do it again.
'Cause now I can do it better. All right.
Switching engines from blank to blank.
Buckle up folks.
This is probably from Captain Marvel
which means it's jargon.
So, it's probably like switching engines from,
it's like vector ville to hyper speed.
Glitching engines from Scram Jet to Fusion.
Buckle up folks.
From Scram Jet to Fusion.
I think mine made just as much sense.
I think a lot of times people think
that we're being coy and we're like, I don't know,
but like I genuinely don't.
I don't know.
Like I could be in the sound stage right next
to Ant Man and I have no clue.
Like if my key card doesn't work over there.
So, my surprise is that there's no surprises. All right.
No, you don't.
That's a creepy guy.
You don't wanna be with that guy.
Blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank is in jail.
You know what I mean?
Okay. This is from Train Wreck, right?
Something like best sex of your life guy is in jail.
No, you don't.
That's a creepy guy.
You don't wanna be with that guy.
Best sex that you've ever had guy is in jail.
You know what I mean?
Good for me. Gosh, wow.
Hey, do you know when you order the salad at Barnabeez?
It's actually not hard-boiled eggs.
It's this tube of egg-colored stuff called blank.
And they also refill all of the condiments
with blank instead of Heinz and they reuse the blank.
(Brie grunts)
It's this tube of egg-colored stuff called
like egg knot or something.
(buzzing for false answer)
And they also refill the condiments with,
what would you fill condiments
with instead of Heinz,
build condiments with water instead of Heinz
(buzzing for false answer)
and they reuse the napkins.
(buzzing for false answer)
I know this is from United States of Tara.
Whoever wrote this is a genius.
'Cause I can't figure it out.
Hey, do you know when you order the salad ar Barnabeez,
it's actually not hard-boiled egg.
It's this tube of egg-colored stuff called Eggular
and they also refill all
of the condiments with generic instead of Heinz.
And they reuse the breadsticks.
Reuse the breadsticks, of course.
Beautiful. I do remember that.
There's like the boss from there.
He says, it's the little deets that make a big diff.
So, if you had done that one, I would've gotten it.
Sing out. United States of Tara was my dream job.
Tony Collette, she was my number one.
I was absolutely completely obsessed with her.
And so, when the opportunity came to do a show,
playing her daughter, it felt like it was my destiny
and I was terrified.
And also it was just the greatest honor.
I felt like I got to go to school with my hero
and yeah, it really changed my life.
Wow. I had like a sincere answer. That's cool.
Anyway. Oh, okay.
Here we go.
Make sure this one makes it in the video.
Short answer: being blank just makes you blank
than most people.
I know this one.
Short answer: being vegan just makes you better
than most people. Haha.
Short answer: being vegan just makes you better
than most people.
I was already blank when you happened
to blank, blank, blank, blank, blank.
The two events were not related.
What the heck?
I was already famous
(buzzing for false answer)
when you happened to see me on that poster.
(buzzing for false answer)
The two events were not related.
I was already slipping when you happened to punch me
in the face.
The two events were not related face.
The two events were not related.
Yeah, that's from Captain Marvel and Captain Marvel.
It's her origin story.
And so, it was fun getting to play her powers,
being restrained even though she doesn't realize
that her powers are restrained, she thinks that
this device is actually giving her powers when a reality.
It's what's holding her back.
And so, to go through this arc of training
and getting to do a lot of combat training,
now that we're further along pretty powerful.
Not that I don't have to train and know how to throw
a punch and stuff, but it's just different.
But you also get, like,
on the first movie I had like a strange sense.
You get warped in terms of strength
because you go to punch someone and it's a wire gag
so the person flies, you know, across the way.
And so, at a certain point you start to get it
in your head that like that's reality.
'Cause that's is your reality.
Yeah. I was had a rude awakening when I realized
I wasn't as strong as I thought. It's okay.
It's nothing, mom.
It's just sometimes you make me feel
like I'm living in some sort of reality TV show drama.
Is this from United States of Tara? Yeah.
Sometimes you me feel like I'm living
in some sort of sitcom, dramedy, disaster show.
(buzzing for false answer)
I'm trying to think
of what Kate would think her life was like. Anyway.
It's nothing, mom.
It's just sometimes you make me feel
like I'm living in some sort of Lifetime Lady Tampon movie.
Yes. Lifetime Lady Tampon movie.
Yeah, that's iconic.
I forgot about that.
I don't know if people know this,
but I just made like a weird character choice.
I don't think I ever told anybody that.
For the second season I decided
that she was stoned the entire show
which like no one told me to do.
I just thought it would be funny.
So, I just played it like a stoner the whole time.
That's the fun of doing a TV show.
You just make stuff up.
Well, thanks Harper's Bazaar.
It was wonderful being here
with you and realizing just how absolutely
embarrassing it is to not remember anything
from your past because you know it's all
about the present and like also about the future too.