SPEAKING OF SHAME...
PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT JOE BIDEN'S LONG, DOCUMENTED HISTORY
OF WALKING UP BEHIND WOMEN AND WHISPERING SOMETHING INTO THE
NAPE OF THEIR NECK.
( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE, ON FRIDAY, FORMER
NEVADA STATE ASSEMBLYWOMAN, LUCY FLORES, WROTE AN EDITORIAL
SAYING THAT ALSO DID THAT TO HER AND THAT BIDEN'S BEHAVIOR, WHILE
NOT RISING TO WHAT MOST PEOPLE WOULD CONSIDER SEXUAL ASSAULT,
WAS BLATANTLY INAPPROPRIATE.
AND DESCRIBED IT TO JAKE TAPPER LIKE THIS:
>> JOE BIDEN WAS BEHIND ME.
I'M KIND OF PREPARING MYSELF TO GIVE THESE REMARKS.
IT'S THE VERY LAST DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION.
AND VERY UNEXPECTEDLY AND OUT OF NOWHERE I FEEL JOE BIDEN PUT HIS
HANDS ON MY SHOULDERS, GET UP VERY CLOSE TO ME FROM BEHIND,
LEAN IN, SMELL MY HAIR AND THEN PLANT A SLOW KISS ON THE TOP OF
MY HEAD.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: OKAY, I REALLY LIKE
JOE BIDEN, BUT I CAN SEE WHY SOMEONE MIGHT FIND THAT
INAPPROPRIATE.
GENERALLY, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO COME UP FROM BEHIND, PUT THEIR
ARMS AROUND YOU, SMELL YOUR HAIR AND KISS YOUR HEAD ARE DEAD
HUSBANDS TEACHING YOU POTTERY.
( LAUGHTER ) ♪ OH, MY LOVE...♪
MY DARLING ♪ ♪ I HUNGER FOR YOUR TOUCH ♪
♪ WHOO WHOO WHOO ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
AND AGAIN, HE'S DONE THIS PUBLICLY FOR 40 YEARS.
AND SOME PEOPLE SAY THIS IS JUST BIDEN BEING BIDEN.
AND ASKED WHY ISN'T ELIZABETH WARREN IN TROUBLE FOR HER
INFAMOUS NONCONSENSUAL PIGGYBACK RIDES?
BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAPPEN.
BUT THE VICE PRESIDENT RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING THAT HE NEVER
FELT HE DID SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE ON THE CAMPAIGN
TRAIL, AND HIS ALLIES HAVE DEFENDED HIS BEHAVIOR, SAYING.
"BIDEN OFTEN DREW CLOSE TO PEOPLE HE SENSED WERE NERVOUS
BEFORE THEY WENT ON STAGE IN AN EFFORT TO RELAX THEM."
OKAY.
SO, HE'S JUST TRYING TO RELAX THEM WITH SOME BACK OF THE NECK
TALK.
YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT A.S.M.R.
STEREO WHISPERING.
PEOPLE LIKE THAT I DEMONSTRATE ALL THE TIME, IN
MY LONG-RUNNING SEGMENT: "STEPHEN COLBERT WET WHISPERS
YOU TO SERENITY.
>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S SEE IF I CAN RE-CREATE THE MOMENT RIGHT
NOW.
I'VE GOT THIS.
THERE WE GO.
OKAY.
( CLEARS THROAT ) ( LAUGHTER )
"HI, IT IS ME.
IT'S JOE BIDEN.
AND MY MOUTH.
(CHEWING SOUNDS) I'M UNWRAPPING CRACKERS.
TAKING THESE CRACKERS OUT OF THEIR WRAPPER.
SHHHH...
THEY CAME WITH MY SOUP.
( LAUGHTER ) (EATS SOUP LOUDLY)
THAT WENT DOWN THE WRONG SOUP HOLE.
( LAUGHTER ) (BREATHES LOUDLY)
IS THAT GARNIER FRUCTEASE ( LAUGHTER )
ARE YOU RELAXED YET?
NO?
YOU SEEM MORE TENSE THAN WHEN I STARTED.
HERE, I'LL KISS THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD.
(SMOOCH SOUND) NOTHING?
I KNOW.
WHAT YOU NEED.
MORE SOUP."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NATHAN LANE.