The fad that's been sweeping the nation
for the last few years: gender reveal parties.
Every day, they're getting crazier and crazier.
Explosions, alligators,
shooting sound waves into a woman's belly
to see if there's a penis.
This shit is crazy now.
But over the weekend,
One gender reveal in Texas may have finally gone too far.
TV REPORTER: The excited parents-to-be on the ground
as the plane approaches.
A crop-dusting plane dropping 350 gallons of pink water.
-It's a girl. -(cheering)
But minutes later...
TV REPORTER: It all goes terribly wrong,
crashing into this mangled heap of metal.
The plane was carrying two people
but only designed for one.
Wow.
That seemed more like a pilot reveal party.
Guess what, guys? I'm actually not a pilot.
Or maybe this was the parent's way of revealing
that the baby was an accident.
Maybe that was the whole thing.
I'm actually glad. I'm actually glad
that everybody survived, because that is wild.
And can we agree on something? Can we agree on something?
These gender reveals, you know you've gone too far
if your gender reveal planning sounds the same as an ISIS plot.
All right? If you're walking around like,
"All right, we need some gunpowder and an airplane.
That's what we need."
Seriously, it's getting out of hand.
I remember back in the day when "gender reveal"
just meant some guy in a park would walk up in a trench coat
and reveal his gender to you. Those were simpler times.
-(laughter) -So simple.
So simple.
(cheering and applause)
And finally, in technology news,
if you got dumped this year
because your ex said you didn't communicate enough,
it might not have been your fault.
If you received a mysterious text message this week
from someone unexpected, you are not alone.
This happened to a lot of people yesterday.
They reported they received messages
that appeared to have originally been sent
on or around Valentine's Day this year.
One person tweeted...
(reading):
NEWSMAN (laughing): Oh, no.
Man, this story is crazy.
Apparently, a bunch of text messages
sent on Valentine's Day
only got to people's phones now.
Yeah. It's a huge glitch
that affected thousands of people.
Nobody knew about it, and now it's in the news.
And I bet a lot of guys are using this as an excuse.
Like, "Oh, wait, wait,
"you didn't get that giant bouquet
"and that diamond necklace that I texted you?
"Oh, my God. AT&T, man.
AT&T."
(applause)
But, yeah, a bunch of Valentines texts
didn't go through, and it sucks, but I'm gonna be honest.
If your relationship ended over a missed text,
maybe that was the best. You dodged a bullet.
'Cause I don't care what anybody says.
Texting is supposed to be casual.
It's not about an immediate response.
That's why this isn't a problem for old people.
They still send love letters in the mail.
You know, be like, "Dearest Gertrude,
"I can't wait to tap that tight bran muffin of yours.
Respectfully, Harold."
(laughter)
The craziest part of the story-- and this is completely true--
the craziest part of the story is that some people
got text messages from people who have since died.
Yeah. That has got to be
the most awkward booty call ever.
Can you imagine? Just, like, your phone is like, "You up?"
You're like, "Are you up?!"
(laughter and applause)