A rather jolly Scammer in Ghana contacted me
pretending to be Mr Bob Williams
the senior manager for assets at an African bank.
This Scammer had found an online news article about a wealthy engineer dying in Africa.
Bob's scam format was that the dead man's assets
were languishing, unclaimed in an account with his bank.
If I would allow him to send them to my bank account in UK
he and I would split the fortune 50-50
However, Bob's scamming partner - sorry, business partner - Mr Addo
advised me that I would have to pay an administration fee of £1500 GBP
by instant money transfer before the funds could be sent.
How *could* it go wrong?
Oh, one last thing. During this call you'll hear the word ‘bombaclat’.
It’s Caribbean slang for Maxi Pad.
(I know that some people
have different permutations and different translations of it.
That's the one that I learned from my Caribbean friends in London
and that's the phrase that the Scammers seem to understand).
Hello?
Hello, Bob. I'm sorry I've taken so long.
OK. OK. I’m ready.
The name of Receiver is Mr Bob Williams.
OK. That’s good.
The city is Accra, Ghana.
OK. Correct.
The text question is ‘What am I?’
What?
The text question is ‘What am I?’
‘What am I?’
Yes, sir.
OK.
and the answer is, ‘I am a Bombaclat’.
OK. That’s good.
Read it back to me, sir, so I know you've got the correct question and answer.
I am a Bomba Cluck! :-)
Are we correct?
Yes, that's correct, Bob.
I have the number for you, my friend. Do you have a pen and paper?
Yes.
Once you've picked up the money how long will it be before I get my funds?
It’s going to be tomorrow.
OK, my friend.
4-1-9-4-1-9-4-1-9-0
Call it back to me, Bob. Call it back to me.
Call me the number, Bob so I know you've got it correctly.
Bob, call me the number. Call the number.
Hello?
Yes. Hello, Bob.
Yeah, the number is, ehhh, you-are-a-fool.
Did you get it?
No. Call it again. Call it again.
You-are-a-fool.
OK, Bob. Call me the text question and answer so I know you've got that correctly.
You-are-an-idiot.
I don't understand. That's not what I read you, Bob.
You-are-an-idiot.
What do you mean, Bob. I don't understand.
You-are-stupid.
Why. Why'd you say this Bob? I don't understand.
Oh, you don’t understand? Oh, you will never understand.
Keep on calling me again, OK?
Bob, let's do the business.
Call it back to me, Bob.
You-are-stupid. That is it.
I don't understand. Why do you say this, Bob?
I said that the number is you-are-stupid. That is the number. You-are-stupid. That is the number.
Bob, Bob. If you take that to the office you won't get the money.
The number is 4-1-9-4-1-9-4-1-9-0
Is that the only thing you know?
You don’t know any other thing?
That is the only thing you know, 419. You don’t know any other number.
You don’t know any other number. Is only 419 you know?
Yes, sir.
That is the only one number you know. Try to get other numbers.
There are so many other numbers.
Would you like to speak with the Clerk?
Is a Bomba Cluck like you?
I got nothing to do with you Bomba Clucks. OK?
I don't understand, Bob. Why do you call me these things?
I said you are a Bomba Cluck, my friend.
What does that mean, Bob?
You making a fool of yourself?
Bob, what is a Bombaclat?
Bob.
Bob, you're not saying anything. What's happening?
I don’t think you pay for this call.
Bob, when are you gonna collect the money?
Who knows how you obtained these call units
‘cause you don’t buy it with your money.
That’s why you are wasting it.
You hark (sic) it. You hark the unit you use to call.
I hark... Yeah. I hark it. I hark...
Yeah, I will report you. You hark it.
You’re gonna report me?
Because if you are paying for it you would not be wasting it.
You don't pay for it.
You hark it. You are a Scammer.
That’s why you don’t mind calling and wasting it. You hark it.
If you buy it with your money you would not be wasting your f***ing time.
I don't think you have anything doing good.
You are just a maroon (moron). That’s what you are.
I’m just a what?
A maroon. Maroon. That’s what you are. You are a maroon
But, Bob. All I want to do is do business with you.
Well, since Bob thinks I am a ‘maroon’ no point in calling him straight back
so, I left it for 2 months and called him unexpectedly
late one night to ascertain his opinion of me.
Oh, Bob Williams on the line. Good evening.
Oh, sir. That's great. Hello.
My name is Mr Pricky and I'm ringing from the United Kingdom.
About 2 months ago, we…
Bob hangs up in disgust.
Clearly, the passing of 2 whole months has not been enough to reduce Bob's frustration with me.
I think I'll leave it a further 3 months before I call him again.
Late evenings are always the best time to disturb a Scammer.
Hello?
Oh, may I speak with Bob Williams, please?
Oh, good evening. Bob Williams on the line. Good evening, sir.
Oh, sir! Good evening.
I apologise for ringing so late but I've only just got off work.
How are you, my friend?
I'm alright, and you?
Oh, sir, I’m well. Thank you, I’m well
and I’m delighted to have got hold of you this evening.
I have some good news.
Who am I speaking with, please?
My name… is…
…Pricky
Oh, the Scammer. Pricky the Scammer?
What you mean, Scammer?
You are a Scammer, my friend. You are a Scammer. You are.
Sir, I want to do business with you.
Oh, Pricky. You don't know you are a Scammer?
Don’t you know you are a Scammer?
You are a virus if you don’t know.
A virus?
Yes! You are. You are.
Sir, I want to do business with you.
Oh, I don’t have any business to do with you, Mr Pricky, please.
Sir, I still have your email.
That has been long. That has been long. That has been long.
Sir, I have the £1500 GBP to send you.
Oh, don’t… don’t… forget use it yourself, use it carefully, OK?
Bob, we are old friends.
Ehhh… no. We are not. We are not.
Sir. Sir. We first spoke in February. We’re old friends.
I know your plans. I know your plans.
What plan? What plan? What plan, Bob? What plan?
You give somebody else phone and start telling me ‘this, this, this. That, that, that’.
Please, I am sorry, I am not ready for that.
Sir, I have the money for you here.
I don’t need it. I don’t need it. You use it for yourself. Please.
No, no, sir. You're the senior manager for assets at the bank.
Ohhh! No. No. Please, I advise you; take care of yourself with it.
Sir, you were gonna send me all this money.
I don’t need it for anything!
I can't understand why you called me “Pricky the Scammer”.
What did you mean by that?
I said, did you understand me?
Haven’t you been calling me always?
This is what you do. You are a Scammer, my friend.
Sir! That’s not true That’s a blow to my pride.
Yeah. You know what I’m saying.
OK, so now what do you want… what do you want..
What do you want with me again? What do you want with me?
Bob, I will tell you.
I have just sent the money. The £1500.00 GBP.
OK.
Can you go ahead and give it to me? (He means the money transfer number)
OK, sir. Bob, you need a pen and paper.
OK. Hold on. Let me pick up my pen.
OK, sir.
OK, I have… Yes, I have it, now.
Yes, sir. Are you ready?
OK.
OK, sir. Its £1500 GBP, sir.
It was sent cash.
OK. OK.
OK, Bob. This proves I'm not a Scammer.
OK. OK. Now, call it!
4-1-9-4-1-9-
Call it. Call it.
In hanging up. I think Bob the Scammer means ‘Please call me back’. So, I do.
This time, Bob's partner in crime, Mr Addo, takes the call. He is spoiling for a fight.
Why can't these Scammers be more peaceful?
Hello?
Hello, my friend. You hung up on me again.
I'm trying to find out how much the f***ing fees are.
Why'd you keep putting the phone down on me?
You are not serious.
What do you mean?
I've tried to tell you something. You are telling me, “F***ing now, f***ing this”.
Are you talking with a kid?
I said you should read the email we have sent you and get the information from the email.
Why are you disturbing me?
Read the email. You receive an information.
Read the email carefully.
You will understand whatever is written there
…and you are telling me, “F***ing email, f***ing that”.
Ah… what the Hell are you talking about?
Do you know who you are talking with?
You can’t pay my bill!
F*** you! You can’t pay my bill!
Check the email if you are interested in this transaction.
If you are not interested f***ing Hell with you!
Why should you tell me you can see and can’t read f***ing email?
Who are you?
My friend, I wiped my ar** on your f***ing email.
F*** you! F*** you! F*** you!