(snoring)
(whimsical music)
- There she is.
Miss America, in all her hoing glory.
- Are you drunk? - Yeah, you're driving.
- Oh, OK.
How are you drunk already? - You were taking forever.
So I just went down to 7-11 and made a Bloody Mary.
It's just tomato juice and vodka.
- That's a good idea.
(slurping)
You have to finish all of it before we leave.
- I mean, it's technically a--
- Oh my God, fuck. - What, it's fine.
I'll chug it. - No, dude.
I left my purse inside.
- Oh. - We have to go back
and get it. - We?
- Yes, we, I can't go back in by myself now.
(tense music)
- What, he has such a nice place.
Sorry.
I'm just saying.
Does he have a brother? - You're freaking me out.
Please stop.
- He has those tiny little pre oranges.
What is he, a rich scientist?
- Please don't eat those.
He's also an architect.
- Which means he-- - He designs buildings.
- Buildings, got it. - OK, it is a little
black bag, I don't know where I left it.
I'm gonna check the living room.
- This is our time.
I'll check the bathroom.
- Oh dear.
Fuck.
What the fuck?
(toilet flushing)
God damn it.
Jesus.
What's going on? - We have a situation.
Or should I say shituation?
- What have you done?
(tense music)
Holy shit.
Oh, that's bad, that's poo, God damn it,
it's right in my mouth.
(coughing)
Chelsea, that's bad.
- Shit, you're right. - You're out of your mind.
No good. - Sorry, I'm just trying
to freaking help.
You are really freaking out here.
- Stop eating his snacks. - Oh my God.
OK.
- I appreciate your help. - You're welcome.
- But this is one of those opportunities for you
to think before you make a move, OK?
- I hate it when you tell me what to do.
- He's gonna freaking wake up and we're gonna be--
(slaps)
- OK, I'm sorry, let's get back on track here.
- OK. - Did you check the bedroom?
- No, I'm scared. - Kate, that's the most
obvious place it's gonna be. - Fine.
(slurping)
(snoring)
- Chelsea, get out, get out.
- Is this him?
Are you freaking kidding me?
You get back, he's gorgeous.
You take your pants off right now,
you get back in this bed.
- I never took my pants off to begin with, so I'm
not taking them off now.
- Wait.
What?
(jazz music)
(choir singing)
- Kate, don't.
Not today. - Why not, the Rock?
- You're not emotionally ready for a one night stand.
- You're right. - I know.
- OK. - Night night.
- You know, I think I just want to go to bed.
- OK. - Yeah.
- Yeah, that's fine.
- Kate, he's cute. - Yeah, but he's
the kind of cute that's gonna be mean to me in the morning
so I'm beating him to the punch so let's get
my purse and let's get out of here.
- Now all guys are assholes.
- I thought that about Kenneth because he had
a Jack Johnson poster.
And look at what happened.
- Kate, you need to learn how to trust again.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Do you see this bulge? - I see it.
- You need to take your pants off and get back
in this bed.
- Get out, get out.
(dramatic music)
Hey. - Hey.
Good morning. - Good morning.
- How'd you sleep?
- Stupid. - Stupid?
- Stupid dreams, I had dumb dreams.
- Like what? - Come on.
- What's that? - No, the rain.
Looks like it's gonna rain, kind of.
- You want some coffee?
- Yeah, coffee would be, that would be great.
Sounds good. - Yeah.
Hey, don't forget, O'Leary's opens at two,
if you at two if you want to go back and get your purse.
- I left it at the bar, of course.
Fuck.
(sniffing)
- Hey, do you want like a French press or espresso?
- French press.
- Nice, French press it is.
Perfect, I like it.
All right.
Oh, wait, you know what, though?
Put on some music.
Got to start the day with some music.
- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me get my phone. - Oh, great.
(yelling)
I'm a singer.
- What? - Yeah.
Pick that jaw up off the floor, buddy.
I'm a singer.
And I guess the next logical thing to do would be
to sing you a song.
- Great, yeah.
♫ Maybe go straight
♫ Then maybe go left
♫ No your other left
♫ Oh great it's locked
♫ The door is locked
♫ Figure it out
- Yeah.
You're a good singer, that's not bad.
- Thank you, no. - Oh, oh.
- Let's play a game.
You close your eyes and then I will say
hot or cold, and I will lead you to your phone.
- Challenge accepted. - Great, close your eyes.
- Eyes closed, here we go.
Make sure I don't break anything.
- Of course, of course.
Yep.
You're going, you're going, you're freaking, oops.
Aye aye aye, eyes closed, it's part of the game.
Part of the game. - We're good.
- Yep, you're OK.
Go, go.
Warmer, go, go.
Go.
Warm, go.
Oh. - Got it.
- You got it. - Got it, boom.
- Boom.
- That was kind of fun, actually.
- You got it, so quick.
- That was good teamwork, you know?
- Yeah, yep. - All right, so I'm thinking
maybe, what if I put on some Hamilton
or maybe even some Miles Davis?
- Oh, Miles Davis is nice.
- I don't even know, what is--
- Yeah, that'd be good.
- What the hell is that?
This wasn't here. - I'm stumped.
I don't know. - That doesn't even make
any sense, whoa, whoa, whoa, who the hell is that?
- [Both] Nothing.
That's my reflection, no.
- That's stupid, that's a dumb line.
Dumb.
This is my, this is, this is,
this is Claire, and she's a surprise from--
- Do you think I look like a fucking Claire?
- Wait, what?
- OK, see what happened was--
- She's never had a one night stand, right?
- I got nervous and-- - I came in and saw you
and I was like-- - --told her and I should
have said something-- - --I think you're--
- OK, OK, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
What the fuck is going on?
- You know what?
I'm just gonna be honest with ya.
I got nervous this morning.
I don't have one night stands.
I thought you would be a dick.
I now know that you're not,
so we're just gonna go.
It's just, I tried to sneak out, it didn't work,
I'm sorry-- - No, no, OK, OK.
No, no, look, look, look.
This is weird.
But why don't you explain it to me over breakfast?
- Oh.
- That is a great idea.
And you know what?
I will drop you guys off at a great breakfast place
that I know is right down the street.
- Sure. - Yeah, Claire,
thank you. - You're welcome.
- I'm gonna go brush my teeth. - OK.
You go ahead now.
- You should not drive, but this is awesome.
- I'll take an Uber home.
- What the fuck, holy, oh my God.
- Shit, literally.
Get out of here.
No, you know what?
Fuck the shoes, fuck the shoes.
- God damn it. - We can never come back here.
- I know that.
- Can we go to Taco Bell? - I should have fucked him.
(whimsical music)
♫ Another dick left unfucked
- Don't sing, please don't sing.
♫ And now I'm alone again
♫ And I'm gonna
Drive us to Taco Bell.
(laughing)