Why does your ex hate you, especially if you don't really deserve that level of hatred.
In this video we're going to be talking about why your ex hates you and how to get your
ex to start to let go of some of that hate plus stick around because they're also going
to be talking about something called the positive pullback, which is extremely predictable and
a happens to a lot of people in the process of getting back together.
My name is Clay.
This is the relationshipinnergame.com channel where we help you get the dating and relationship
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Why does your ex hate you?
Especially if that hatred is like way beyond what you think you deserve.
Now, sure, if we're being honest, you probably did something to deserve being dumped, right?
But it may not be to the kind of level that your ex has kind of reacting to you.
So what's going on?
Okay, so if your ex broke up with you, you have to take a step back and look at what's
going on with them.
So in order to break up with you, they need to think of their relationship with you and
they need to say, okay, you're the kind of person that I can't have a great relationship
with.
Nothing's ever gonna Change.
Things are going to be bad forever or this relationship is going to be bad forever, right?
They have to have this view of you and that's what they need in order to justify breaking
up.
Now, if they were to see you as the person that you are, they might have to come to terms
with the fact that yeah, you're a flawed human being, but you have good intentions and that's
harder to break up with somebody if you see them that way.
So they had to create an image of you in their mind, an image of you that's worth breaking
up with and sure, maybe you deserved that.
Maybe you did something to deserve being dumped like cheating or lying or something like that,
but your ex might also have had to take some things and exaggerate them to an extreme like
maybe you told one lie and they said, Oh, you always lie, or, oh, you're you.
You never make time for me, or something like that.
In which case they are exaggerating.
They're adding things to the story that aren't actually there and what they're doing is they're
building this version of you that they can justify breaking up with.
Does that make sense?
And when the two of you are interacting, when you call them on the phone, you send them
a text message.
When you interact with them, you have to understand they're not interacting with you.
They're interacting with that concept that was worth breaking up with.
That's why they might respond with anger.
That's why they might give you a complete walling out.
That's why they might just, you know, unload on you or something like that.
Be totally cruel to you.
That's why they hate you.
That's why your ex hates you.
It may not be something that you really deserve, and I'm sorry because nobody should be treated
in a way that they don't deserve to be treated, but that's what your ex is at.
Okay?
So what can you do about it?
Well, when you bring yourself to an interaction with your ex and you've hopefully changed
in some way, you hopefully resolved the reason why you broke up.
You've hopefully done something to make interacting with you.
Feel good on an emotional level, you know that's a great way to give you a damn good
reason to want to get back together with you.
But when you bring yourself to these interactions, hopefully in that way, your ex is going to
be interacting with you as the person that they broke up with as the concept of who they
broke up with.
And when you show up and you're not that person, you know, you're really consider it, your,
taking their feelings into consideration.
You're empathetic and making time for them.
You're telling the truth, you're trustworthy.
All of that stuff.
There is a split that happens because they're like, okay, what's going on?
There's this person that I broke up with and then there's this person that I saw today.
They're totally different, which one's the real one, which one's the real one, and so
they don't know and because they don't know, they often do what's called a positive pullback.
They'll distance themselves after a positive interaction with you and they'll go quiet.
They won't text you and we'll call you the one to initiate contact with you.
They won't do all the things that maybe they were doing it before, that even maybe during
your meetup and what's going on is they're trying to reconcile this difference.
They're trying to say, which one do I put my trust in?
Do I put my trust in what happened in the past?
What caused me to break up with this person or do I put my trust in the version of you
that I saw with my own eyes when we got together, when we talked on the phone when we were texting
this pullback is them trying to reconcile this difference and I don't know which one
they're going to choose after one interaction, but what I can tell you is if you continue
to bring yourself to interacting with your ex over and over and over and over again as
a different person than the one that they broke up with.
Eventually through consistency, your ex will start to put more trust in the you that you
are now.
Then the version of you that they broke up with.
We're going to start to put more trust in how you actually are than in the concept that
they hold in their mind, and this is how you get your ex to let go of that hatred.
As you consistently over time bring yourself to these interactions in a way that creates
positive interactions that feel good on an emotional level, and that's how you get past
this positive.
Pull back, so what do you do when you get the positive pull back, right?
Do you do no contact?
Probably not.
That's probably not a good time to do no contact because you have these two things in your
mind competing or your ex's mind competing, and if you have one great interaction that's
nice, it's going to cause your ex to do a positive pull back, but if you just go to
no contact, they're going to be left with the image of you when they broke up with him.
There's only going to be one interaction to compete with that, so you probably want to
do is you want to continue to show up in a way that's empathetic and understanding and
building positive interactions with your ex and over time you will eliminate that concept
of you that they broke up with.
Okay, so you probably don't want to do no contact.
Again, it might be a good time to feel into the situation and know specifically what's
going on, but don't take that as a blanket rule.
Never do no contact with you to positive pullback and you want to focus on making interaction
with they continue to feel good.
Understanding your ex is going to be confused and continue to interact with them in a way
that's going to build positive connection between the two of you.
Okay, so I hope this helped you out.
This is explained to you why your ex hates you and this has given you a little bit of
something to do to help you get your ex to let go of that hatred.
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It's been Clay.
I'll talk to you next time.
Take care.