Hey! Welcome to "What in the ADHD?"
I'm Sydni, and today we're going to be talking about Parenting with ADHD.
If you have ADHD and you have a child, there's a 35-50% chance that they're also going to have ADHD.
People with ADHD are going to have a lower stress tolerance.
A LOT of things stress us out.
Am I doing this right? Am I being a good parent? Does my kid love me? Does my kid even like me?
We can't keep our shit together.
We forget things, like our child's appointment.
We feel embarrassed. We feel like we're not good enough as parents.
We feel stressed out.
"Why don't you just make a schedule or a calendar for your family?"
Do you wanna see my calendar right now? Hold on.
If you notice, the uh - August and September... *chuckles*
But - I do have some ideas that maybe would work for you.
When you go to their appointment, put it in your phone right away.
You are GOING to lose it.
Set a reminder.
An hour before, you're like, "Oh shit I'm still playing Zelda. Let's go, Jimmy!"
And then you and Jimmy make it to the dentist appointment. Probably not on time, but... close enough.
*visibly flabbergasted*
I think it's because it's always brought on by surprise.
Alexa - on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays at 6 P.M., announce:
"Quenton, you have a bath in 30 minutes."
he knows in the back of his mind, "Ok I have a bath in this amount of time. I have a bath in THIS amount of time."
But how can we make sure that our child is prepared for the world?
So, I mentioned last week that RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) comes from our childhood.
And it comes from our childhood because our parents and our teachers and our coaches and whoever -
whoever these adults are - they're constantly saying berating things to us.
"Clean your room", "Why is your room a mess?"
"Why do you always forget your homework?", "How many times do I have to tell you?", "Why don't you ever listen to me?"
Stuff like that.
Something that I have had to work on is being - like I said in my last video -
You have to be more mindful.
So, if you have ADHD - as a parent, you're going to have lots of impatience with your child,
You might have emotional blow-ups, like - sometimes the littlest things - and I feel terrible afterwards -
Like, guilt is another one.
But I feel terrible afterwards. Like, he'll be jumping on the couch, and I'll tell him,
"You need to stop jumping on the couch."
And he'll stop. But then, he'll be doing it again 5 minutes later, and I yell at him.
I'm like, "WHAT DID I SAY? YOU NEED TO STOP JUMPING ON THE COUCH!"
And that... doesn't... help.
Yes - sometimes you do need to be firm. You need to discipline your children.
I'm not saying let them run free and whatever.
But - I am saying that you need to watch your tone with your child, especially if you have ADHD, because
You're gonna blow it up into something that it's not - something bigger than it is.
Something that I've started working on with my son is - when he's doing something he's not supposed to be doing,
I give him warnings.
If he's jumping on the couch, I'll say, "stop jumping on the couch."
And I'll just leave it at that.
And then if he does it again - I'll say it more firmly, and then I will tell him:
"Next time I have to tell you, I'm yelling at you, and you are going to time-out."
So then he knows that's what's happening next time.
And then the third time - since I've announced the third time is gonna be when I yell at him and he's
gonna go in time-out - it's a little more controlled and it's not just an outburst of you screaming at your child
because they're jumping on the couch, and now they're in their room crying.
They're gonna know that it's coming.
They're going to know that once you yell at them and send them to time-out, like, "Ok yeah - I *was* warned about this."
That - kinda like with the whole scheduling and the reminders thing - they know it's coming,
so it's not going to come as as MUCH of a shock as it would if you just had an outburst and
screamed at them and told them to go to their room.
Hopefully that makes sense.
So, I know I'm bringing this up a lot, but - RSD. It sucks to have it.
I hate feeling like I'm not good enough for people.
I hate feeling like I'm annoying, or that people aren't gonna like me, or whatever.
It's been kinda difficult making friends as an adult because...
I have RBF *chuckles*
And people don't usually want to approach me. I'm not that approachable, and I'm ok with that
I've learned that. But I don't want my kid to deal with that.
He is a bright, happy soul. He's innocent.
I want him to have friends.
And I don't wanna be the reason why he... is like me...
Wow, that's kinda sad when I say it out loud.
But - I don't want him to be constantly afraid that people aren't gonna like him, you know?
It's not a good feeling, it's stressful, it drains your energy...
And at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter if people like you or not.
But I don't want him to feel like that.
So, what are some ways we can make sure that our child doesn't develop RSD?
Like I said in my previous video, before you react to any sort of emotion, you need to kind of reflect on it.
I know it's really hard to do this quickly. It's really hard to have something happen, you need to reflect on it,
think of the best approach to how to respond, and then you respond calmly and sensitively.