When it comes to been a sexy goth, what is your position?
>> Teen angst, drama, I hate my parents, I hate school, I hate life,
you know, I want all that, but like, make it ho.
>> What'up this is Fat Tony and this is Thrift Haul.
A competitive fashion show with two competing who's styles
the best on a budget.
Todays episode Thot Topic.
Our contestants we'll be competing to see who's the finest goth in a goodwill.
Contestant number one actress Anna Akana.
>> Hello!
>> Contestent number two, director Mike Diva.
>> Hi. >> Y'all [BLEEP] with thrifting?
>> I'm [BLEEP] with thrifting.
>> I'm [BLEEP] with thrifting so hard.
>> Is anything you're wearing thrifted?
>> No, this is expensive.
>> [LAUGH] >> I guess we don't [BLEEP] with
thrifting.
>> Do you describe yourselves as goth?
>> No. >> No.
>> Do you describe yourselves as thots?
>> Maybe. >> Maybe.
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah, yeah.
>> Kinda.
Thirsty thot. >> I'm all over the place.
I consider it lazy but still, I kinda pull it off.
The lazy.
>> Our contestants will compete in three rounds.
A physical challenge, a shopping spree and finally,
a runway show judged by myself and guest judge Amanda Blank.
Be honest, we're looking for a sexy Instagram goth today.
Which one of y'all are gonna win it?
>> Probably Mike.
>> Probably Anna.
Honestly, we're very supportive friends.
>> And you're a very sexy man. >> Thank you, you're a very sexy girl.
>> Thank you.
>> Get ready for a very boring episode of Thrift Haul.
>> Well, we can't have any of that [BLEEP] >> Play to win guys.
>> We need some real winners.
>> I honestly hate this [BLEEP] I'm so glad you said that.
>> Yeah, your hair is stupid.
>> Hey, [BLEEP] you Anna.
>> [BLEEP] you.
>> That's not all. The winner picks an outfit out for
the loser to wear.
Take a pic of and post it to Instagram and it can never, ever, ever, ever,
ever be deleted.
>> I didn't know that.
Didn't sign up for that but okay.
>> For the shopping spree each of you began with two minutes on your clock.
If you want more time, I've got a physical challenge for that ask.
If you enage in it, you get 30 seconds added to your clock if you're the winner.
>> I'll engage my ask.
>> Let's do it.
>> Round one, I need you guys to come up with a sexy spell.
>> A sexy spell?
>> The sexiest spell wins.
Mike Diva, you're up first.
>> Man. Okay.
Eyes of a newt.
Tits of the thought, I hope being goth finally makes me hot.
[SOUND] >> Okay, that's really good.
You just pull out in your ass.
>> [APPLAUSE] >> Anna, you're next.
>> Okay. [SOUND] [FOREIGN]
>> Japanese?
>> My gosh.
>> Gothic Lolita there.
>> Just gothic Lolita cumming at the end.
>> Is that cum?
>> That was cum, yeah.
That was supposed to be cum, yeah.
>> Cool.
Cum is tight dude.
>> Amanda blank.
>> That's tricky.
>> Both are very sexy.
>> I don't really know what you said.
>> I said hey look at my feet you're entire life is magic.
>> That's good.
>> I mean mine rhymes but like.
>> Yeah.
[LAUGH] >> Yeah, I have to give it to Anna.
[SOUND] >> I blew it.
>> Anna, you get 30 seconds added to your clock.
You get to decide who goes out to hit the shopping spree first.
>> I'm gonna say Mike, he hates going first.
>> Yehay, I do.
[LAUGH] >> Round two shopping spree.
>> I need to win because Anna thinks that we're really good friends, but
really I can't [BLEEP] stand this [BLEEP].
Hey, what's up Anna?
I'm gonna win just by being myself.
And choosing good [BLEEP].
And Anna, I don't think she fully understands what a goth is.
>> Mike Dave is up first.
Are you ready?
>> I'm ready. >> Pick out whatever you think
you're going to wear and we'll see how you put together your look.
Remember you're going to be judged on your creativity.
Your overall look and adherence to the theme which is Thot Topic.
>> I've speed shopped at hot topic through all of high school where my mom was
waiting for me outside.
So I think that I've been prepped for this for a long time.
>> Mark Damon you've got two minutes on your clock.
>> I got this.
>> Ready, set, go!
>> All right This is a little fancy, I like this.
>> Very thotty.
>> Dark and thotty.
>> I like this cuz it's like Mad Max thot.
>> Ooh, yeah, that's real cool.
>> Yeah, I would go darker.
>> Definitely.
>> More angsty. >> The sleeves that he has on them.
>> Give us drama, we want drama.
Black eyeliner.
I hate my mom!
>> Okay, okay.
>> Were you an angsty teen?
>> Very.
>> I can see that.
[LAUGH] >> Les Mis.
>> [LAUGH] >> Just full of drama.
>> We got some black pants here.
That's good enough.
>> Anna, how about you?
>> Yeah. >> Angsty teen?
>> Crying all the time.
>> Did you journal?
>> I have big shelves of journals from when I was a teen.
>> I like straight up can't find anything.
[LAUGH] >> 30 seconds left, Mike!
>> This is bad.
>> Hurry Kid.
>> These boots are money.
These pants.
>> I was going to say, does he have any bottoms?
>> It's got sparkles, its kinda sheer >> Five, four, three,
two, one [SOUND] >> Mike, get back over here.
Good job. >> [APPLAUSE]
>> That's a lot of black.
>> You got a whole lot of black in there.
>> Whole lot of black.
>> I like it.
All right, let's see what Mike Diva got in his haul.
>> Right off the bat, I got something that's a little bit more dad goth.
This one was a mistake I grabbed on a whim.
It's on some Mighty Boosh [BLEEP].
I don't know, it's just a straight up dress.
>> It'll probably look good on you. Probably not.
>> I'd wear that [BLEEP].
>> This one's got like a nice salt and pepper vibe.
Kind of like Dave Navarro's facial hair.
>> Dave Navarro.
Take three.
>> Take three.
He's got both nipples pierced.
>> Daddy Navarro would wear this and that's why I got it.
This one's got some flavor to it.
>> I'd wear that [BLEEP] too.
>> A little sparkly, a little sheer.
>> That's thotty >> I got these pants cuz they have a nice
hounds tooth pattern.
>> Are those leggings?
>> I don't know.
>> They look like maternity pants.
[LAUGH] >> And
we have my Mad Max fury goth [BLEEP].
>> That's giving me like, Perry Farrell 2016, you know what I mean?
Like. >> Sad Perry girl.
>> Yeah, but very hoey.
>> I think it's a little bit harder for a man to be a hoe.
>> Is it really? >> Because you have to show more skin
when you're a hoe.
One thing is you have to have like everything really slim.
You wanna see the outline of the junk.
That's very thotty to me.
>> These boots are very like.
>> I read, shine the maniac and I watch Invaders in.
I hang out outside the theater room at lunch time and
on the weekends my mom drives me to the goth club.
>> Just like all you need is a pack of clothes and a glass red wine and
you're ready to hit the street.
>> [LAUGH] >> Will Mike Diva
become the sexy Instagram goth we're all waiting for?
>> Yeah. >> I'm really wishing we should be more
competitive.
>> Winning isn't really important to me.
Mike's one of my best friends.
I really love him so if he wins and he feels good, great!
I'm just gonna try my best, be in the moment and see how it goes.
And if anything?
We'll look really silly.
>> All right.
We got Anna up next.
She's got two minutes and 30 seconds on her clock.
Let's see what the hell she does with it.
>> I love shopping.
>> Ready set go >> She's moving slowly.
>> That's a lot of confidence with someone with such tiny legs.
>> Yeah.
>> She's picking so much dumb [BLEEP].
>> Ooh!
>> Competitive talk.
>> You got two minutes left.
>> Ooh. >> Quality sweater, I got to say.
>> Whoa. >> Strategically picking pieces.
>> That's got cats on it.
>> Picking that is not goth, making a very bad decision.
>> I'm not really sure.
>> This is cute, these make >> Thighs, very Avril Lavigne.
>> Very Avril.
And Avril, is the queen.
>> She may not be God, but she's a queen of hot tub for damn sure.
>> These are funny.
[LAUGH] >> Those aren't so bad.
>> One minute thirty seconds.
>> Okay, I guess I got some shoes.
>> Wow, look at the confidence.
The self assuredness.
>> She is chilling.
>> She's picking some boots.
Good boots.
>> Catwoman.
>> I wonder if they're her size.
>> She's got cute little feet.
Okay, very hooker-y.
>> I need her to be a little more thotty.
>> Yeah, I'm not seeing where is like the slutty ho teen pregnancy vibe.
>> Where's that section in Google.
>> To much hot, not enough thot.
>> That's my main problem.
>> Looks like my prom dress.
>> That's horrible.
[LAUGH] >> 20 seconds left.
>> Okay.
>> Got problem realness.
>> Wow. >> Woah.
>> That sparkled.
>> Five, four, three, two.
>> These are really funny [LAUGH].
>> One.
>> She did it!
>> That's the most laidback shopping spirit I've ever seen in my life.
>> I love shopping.
I just had a lot of extra time on my hands so I grabbed this just for fun.
>> Look at those pockets!
>> I'm not sure if cargo >> Shorts has got to me.
>> Not good. >> I hear you.
I hear you.
>> A staple of thotty goth sparkly skintight pants.
>> I don't know about that.
>> They might be a little too much flair.
Too much. >> I've known
quite a few sexy goths in my day and they never wore that.
>> They never wore diamonds.
>> Okay. Okay.
What about this?
It's got pink guns on it.
>> That's very angry and angsty.
>> Hashtag hot hashtag NRA.
Mini skirt.
>> I could see that paired with, like,
one of those happy bunny shirts that says, boys suck.
>> Bang. Bang. >> Mm-hm, mm-hm, very nice lace dress.
>> That could work.
>> A little matronly.
>> Okay. All right.
This is just a sheer.
>> Woah, got a full thott alert.
>> This is a variation of that.
Very tiny skirt.
>> Wow.
That's it.
>> And pair it with a Gryffindor Avril Lavigne tie.
>> Hey hey, you you, I don't like your girlfriend.
I think you need a new one.
>> Me too.
>> What a legend, wow give it up for Avril Lavigne [APPLAUSE].
>> This has cats on it.
>> I think that's ugly.
>> Anna, what the [BLEEP].
>> You know I like cats.
More sheer.
>> I didn't know Goodwill had so much sheer.
>> Floral top.
>> Very 90s craft.
>> And then got some boots.
>> I'd wear that.
>> You'd look good in this Tony.
>> Yeah definetely.
Thank you.
I'm glad you see the vision.
>> And a black tie for an option.
>> You're gonna get a lot of likes if you use any of those
outfits >> Yes.
[SOUND] >> Anna, I think that was a terrible haul
and you're gonna lose, but you know I love you.
>> I love you too.
>> You my homie, but bad job.
>> Are y'all [BLEEP]?
[NOISE] >> Amanda Blank,
you're about to hit the runway.
>> I'm so excited, I feel like it's Fashion Week in New York or Paris.
>> We're in none of those places, we're in Goodwill southern California.
Can we get Anna out here first?
[MUSIC]
>> If I could do a death drop right now I would.
>> She definitely angsty.
>> Lot of angst.
>> Lot of attitude.
>> So rude.
[MUSIC]
>> Can you tell us anything about your outfit?
>> If you don't get it then I can't explain it to you.
>> Wow, that is rude teen.
>> Being disrespected is a huge turn on for me.
So I'm a fan.
>> Okay.
>> She looks like she spend a lot of money at Hot Topic.
>> She did a Hot Topic look.
Expensive.
And where does she get the makeup from?
>> Where the [BLEEP] did she get-. >> She's add with some Harry Potter spell.
She came up with some lipstick.
>> That Japanese [BLEEP] she was talking earlier.
>> That's that [BLEEP] she was talking.
I want that outfit.
I want to go back to high school and wear it.
>> If that was in my feed, I'd DM.
>> I would save it, jerk off to it.
I would hold on to that photo forever.
Forever.
[MUSIC]
It's time to see Mike.
>> Let's see him.
[MUSIC]
>> Wow.
>> Wow! >> The midriff.
>> God damn.
>> I'm death.
>> That eye liner.
>> This is like Matrix Reloaded.
>> About to be unloaded.
>> Talk about cum y'all.
>> So gross.
>> What can you say about your outfit?
>> The look I was going for is if David Bowie from the Labrinth [BLEEP]
Jack Sparrow and made like a slutty, little goth baby.
>> You did it.
>> With more bulge.
>> I was going to say there's a lot happening and
I didn't want to be tacky and point it out.
>> It's mysterious.
>> Is it a penis?
>> Who knows?
That's part of being goth is the mystery.
>> Endroging, I love it.
>> Wow, and he made the jacket work.
>> Now, your shirt.
>> I thought that this sparkly little shear wasn't thotty enough.
So I increased the thot factor by 11.
I gave it a nice thot toll.
>> I like that. >> Which is
what a thotty teen I think would do.
>> Creative. >> They're like I hate the shirt my mom
bought me but like I'm just gona put it on.
>> Wow, he's too cool for us.
>> I'm freaking out, I wanna know what would your mother think about this outfit.
>> Maybe, I will get the acceptance I so crave from my mother if she saw this.
>> She'll be proud, I would be proud of you if you were my child.
>> Thank you so much, that means more to me than you'd ever know.
>> Mike David, thank you very much.
>> [APPLAUSE] >> Bravo.
>> Man, this [BLEEP] is really close.
>> I feel in my heart very, very conflicted.
They're both so good.
>> Anna, what do you think abour her outfit?
>> It is expensive looking >> Which is a little less Hot Topic to me,
I will say.
>> Really? >> But I guess it's kind of thotty and
Instagrammy too.
>> It was definitely thotty and IG worthy.
>> I would like that picture and then I'd unlike it so I could like it again.
It would just keep popping up.
She'd be the only person popping up in my feed.
>> She wore all black and worked in the Avril Lavigne tie, she did it.
>> She made it complicated.
I would have been impressed if she actually worked in those cargo shorts.
>> I knew she wasn't going to wear that shit.
She was trying to psych out Mike.
>> She's smart.
I would not want to go toe to toe with her.
>> Never ever.
>> I'm kind of scared of her actually now.
>> Mike Diva.
[BLEEP] Me up.
>> I'm not gonna lie.
When I saw his hall, I just gotten away.
>> So hot.
>> He came out so sultry and sexy, he's like a sexy teen,
that's like I'm gonna go to college and might get some weird body modification-
>> Prince Albert.
>> Like a lizard tongue.
>> He'd like channeled male madness to me.
>> If one of them put out a clove, a glass of red wine, I would have fainted.
>> I mean, they both smoke cloves.
>> Big clove smokers.
>> This is hard.
>> Anna, Mike.
Come on out.
Y'all are incredible.
>> The makeup, the styling.
>> The [BLEEP] outfits.
Wow.
This is probably the hardest Thrift Haul I've ever done.
There can only be one winner.
>> Mike, you crawled.
You made it ho.
You gave us so much attitude.
>> You even cried for us.
>> You cried for us.
You really actually shed a tear.
And Anna just looks like she's gonna drop out
of high school >> Anna, you really brought the attitude
we were looking for, truly teen, truly teen, truly dark.
Amanda and I talked it over >> But the winner is Anna
>> Cool
>> She is a thot so
that makes a lot of sense >> I am.
>> Anna, as the winner gets to pick an outfit for
you to wear, post it on your Instagram >> And you can never delete it.
[MUSIC]
>> Wow!
[MUSIC]
>> Well, I may have lost the battle, but I won the war.
Because I feel like with this look I've found the real me.
I feel more comfortable than I've ever been on honestly my whole life, so
thank you for that.
[MUSIC]
>> Thank you, Amanda, Anna and Mike for rocking with us today.
Comment below on who you think should have won and
what should the next episode be about?
Rejected Street Fighter character?
Cream of the meme?
Tabasko and Jamie as Pete and Ariana?
That's for the Super Deluxe Insiders.
Or baby got back to school.