Quick question about a smaller story from the week.
It was revealed that, incredibly, one in three adults
sleep with a soft toy every night.
That is every third person.
So one, two...
Pervert.
OK, so, Ranganation, I'm a little bit nervous to ask,
but hands up if you sleep with a cuddly toy.
Oh, my God.
You guys have got your cuddly toys with you, apparently, have you?
So can you get them out, please?
Eco Vegan.
Hello. This is Popple.
What the fuck is that?
What's his name? Popple?
Let's just go with Popple.
It's not called Romesh, is it?
And you sleep with it every night?
I do sleep with it.
OK. And you are married, aren't you?
Yes, I am married.
OK, and... Not to that.
Technophobe, yours has got some sort of disease.
This one is what I've made for my grand-daughter this week.
And was it a conscious decision to make it look one of the most
terrifying things I've ever seen in my life?
All the little toys that I've made, like,
for friends over the year have always got wonky eyes.
That wasn't anything to do with you.
No, it wasn't!
No! Oh, my God.
That came out wrong but...
It shouldn't have come out at all, never mind wrong.
Richard, do you have a cuddly toy?
No. I don't.
But I think if you were to start a relationship with someone
who sleeps with a soft toy in their bed, you have to accept
that in 20 years' time, you'll be the first victim
on a Netflix serial killer documentary.
Mindful, have you got a cuddly toy?
Me and my partner have both had identical Smurfs for 30 years
and when we met it was brilliant that we had matching Smurfs.
But they don't sleep with us because... You're playing fast and loose
with the word brilliant there.
It didn't put me off. It was brilliant.
Well you had them... You both had a Smurf?
Separately, never met, 30 years later...
And then you went on a date,
you were, like, "You've got a Smurf? Oh, my God! I've got a Smurf!"
"This is amazing! Let's go on a killing spree together!"
Wheeler Dealer, it says that you don't have a teddy bear
but you sleep in a special hat.
Is that right?
Yeah, I've got a hat that I was given when I was born.
Right.
How big was your head?
I don't know how it's panned out, but somehow the hat still fits me.
OK, let's have a look at the hat.
Do you sleep in that every night?
Yeah, I just slip it on my head.
No, I know how you wear a hat.
Let me explain to you, Romesh, how a hat works -
you sort of get the head, and you lower the hat onto the head.
It's mainly for winter when it's cold. Yes.
You know, you need to sort of stay warm.
Sure. I know about winter.
What is going on here?
Talk to me like I'm...
I know what a hat is, I know what winter is.
You're the one that doesn't know what a bear is, mate.
Some facts for you, teddy bear fans, so just give them a little cuddle
as I tell you some teddy facts.
On average, soft toys get washed once every seven years.
80% of teddies harbour bacteria that can trigger food-poisoning.
And one in four soft toys contains traces of faeces.
AUDIENCE GROANS
OK, so one in four soft toys has got traces of faeces.
So that's one, two, three...
Faeces.