Hello!
Seiiti Arata.
If you work in consulting or deal with clients, you've probably heard the advice that you
need to put yourself in the client's shoes to fully understand what they want.
Although this advice is useful, the truth is you'll never COMPLETELY understand what's
going on in someone else's head.
Fully understanding others' points of view is impossible.
The human mind is extremely complex.
Everyone has different life experiences, influences, and perspectives.
That's why, when someone tells us 'I understand you,' deep down, we think 'no, you don't.'
However, we can greatly improve our communication with clients and others by working on our
empathy and collaboration skills.
Let's talk about empathy and validation.
They're important ingredients for any good conversation because they help create a positive,
understanding atmosphere, allowing for more productive dialogue.
Empathy helps build trust and understanding between people, and validation ensures everyone
feels respected and listened to.
This is useful for any everyday conversation with the people we love.
But there's a specific context where it's even more crucial: when interacting with consulting
clients.
A mechanical approach to connection can be alienating.
When you say you understand people, it can have the opposite effect.
As a service provider who relies on communication, it's essential to build empathy with your
clients.
You probably already know this, but the problem arises when you follow some mechanical and
superficial tip to use ready-made phrases like 'Ah, I understand.
I totally get you.'
When you say 'I understand you,' most of the time, your client will think: 'No.
You don't.'
So, the improper use of declarations that you understand people can actually cause awkwardness
and have the opposite effect.
I know this is different from what you're used to hearing, but don't worry - I'm here
to help.
It can be challenging to work on building empathy with someone when you don't fully
grasp their perspective.
There's an entire branch of psychology called positive psychology that has fascinating studies
to help us better understand how people work.
You can take part in various activities with me by visiting the link https://arata.se/happiness.
We all have our own unique experiences that shape our individual perspectives.
It can be challenging to try and bridge these differences.
That's why it's important to understand that fully comprehending someone is impossible
due to the differences in our history, upbringing, and perspective.
That being said, we can still improve communication and reduce biases through empathy and collaboration.
You can use empathy and collaboration to reduce biases and improve communication with your
clients.
Let's look at the power of empathy and how it can help you understand and connect better
with your clients.
We'll also explore why it's so important to reduce biases and improve communication through
empathy and collaboration.
It can be really tough to make our clients feel validated and understood, and this is
a common mistake you should be aware of.
Empathy is often misunderstood.
Many people think they can demonstrate empathy by being overly kind and protective.
However, this can have the opposite effect and actually invalidate the other person's
emotions, worsening communication.
The key to being empathetic is active listening and validating their perspective, as we discussed
in the previous episode of our series Hello!
Seiiti Arata [https://arata.se/hello308].
As you'll see in today's episode, you don't need to be overly protective to be empathetic.
For example, if I'm a business consultant and my client Bob says he is bad at managing
money, it would be wrong to say 'Yeah, Bob, you're bad at managing money.'
That's not polite.
It would be equally wrong to say 'Oh, come on Bob, you're so good at managing money!'
because this would invalidate the his feelings and insecurities.
This would also put me in a bad position as a terrible business consultant who can't even
recognise that I'm dealing with a client who lacks financial skills to manage his own money!
Instead, you should rephrase to make it clear that people were heard and ask questions,
for example: 'What do you think is bad about your money management?
Let's look at some examples of recurring situations in your life so I can better understand what
you mean.'
By doing this, you can gain a slightly better understanding of the other person's point
of view and put yourself in their shoes, increasing empathy, even if you have to face some difficult
topics.
There's a cliché that you should avoid negative conversations.
Wrong.
If the facts are negative, it's necessary to confront them.
When you ask questions to understand how the other person ended up in a difficult situation,
it might seem like you're encouraging them to highlight their bad habits.
And I know there's a common idea that we should try to avoid negative conversations.
It's a very common cliché in positive thinking circles.
But the truth is, if someone doesn't openly acknowledge their own flaws, they won't be
able to improve.
If there's a problem, a fact of reality with a negative connotation, it needs to be confronted.
It's wrong to pretend it doesn't exist.
Here's a classic example to explain: if I want a muscular body and have an incorrect
assessment that I'm already fit, I won't do the necessary exercises to achieve a muscular
physique.
This is also one of the reasons why, in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, people introduce themselves
by saying they're alcoholics.
If they don't recognise their current situation, they'll struggle to change it.
So, when you try to be empathetic, don't just be kind and protective.
It's important to be respectful, but it's also important to be honest.
Acknowledge the person's flaws and ask clarifying questions that help them think about their
situation from a different perspective.
Empathy isn't just about being kind and protective; it's about being real and helping the other
person see the situation from a different angle.
Sure, it can be uncomfortable at the time, but it'll help them grow in the long run.
That's why it's important to be honest and open when it comes to empathy.
Don't be afraid to ask questions and challenge the other person's perspective.
It might make you unpopular in the short term, but it could lead to a better outcome and
a stronger relationship in the long run.
Breaking through the social mask can deepen relationships and increase understanding.
Sometimes it takes more than just active listening and even getting to know someone to truly
understand them.
We're all wearing a social mask that hides our true feelings and thoughts, and this mask
is made of taboos, expectations, fears, and our past experiences.
Breaking through this social mask can be a powerful way to understand the other person,
but it takes a lot of courage and understanding to do it right.
For example, imagine talking to a retired man who's always complaining about the government
but also says he's a proud taxpayer.
If you think there's something inconsistent in this conversation, you could say, "I don't
think you're a proud taxpayer.
In fact, I believe you really hate paying taxes because you don't trust politicians
and feel like your hard-earned money is being stolen."
If you're right, you've just provided powerful validation by understanding the other person
better.
But be careful.
Knowing someone's true feelings and thoughts requires a lot of understanding, and if you're
wrong, it could have disastrous effects.
Deciphering the social masks we all wear isn't easy, so make sure you know the other person
well before trying to guess what's behind them.
Breaking through the social mask and understanding the other person on a deeper level can be
a challenging but rewarding experience.
It can bring us closer to the people we love and open up a new level of understanding and
trust with clients and business partners.
So if you're looking for a new way to deepen your connection with someone, try getting
to know them so well that you can tell what they really think and feel, even when they're
not saying it out loud.
Each person is unique.
That's why we're individuals.
We're individual.
That's why we can never have a perfect understanding of one another, but we can still build bridges
and create meaningful connections through empathy and collaboration.
By recognising the difficulties and breaking through social masks, we can build a stronger
foundation for understanding and connecting in our relationships.
There are various practical activities for you to learn to know yourself better and also
get to know the people you interact with, and you can find out more by visiting https://arata.se/happiness.