You're both moms.
You want to be the best version of yourself for your child.
Kids who parents didn't show up for them,
they often have the belief like why am I not lovable enough.
There's messages that we all tell ourselves.
What are some of those messages you think you tell yourself?
Basically exactly what you just said.
Why wasn't I good enough?
Was I not loved, was I not wanted?
And do you feel like that still
plays into your life today?
Yeah when it comes to like my love life I struggle a lot.
You got it.
So that's what I want you to write.
(intense music)
I think what I struggle with
is maybe I'm like impatient.
I catch myself like snapping on my boyfriend
and it reminds me of her.
Like I can feel like
the way she is sometimes it like wants to come out of me.
I want you to draw that and you're gonna name it.
I low key love this exercise.
I like how it's like making me think.
Okay, that's it.
Thank you guys for doing this.
We're going to sit down with Dr. Phil
and analyze your drawings.
It's important for parents to do this exercise
with your children so they can see what's going on
and also it's important that they do it for themselves
so that they can be the best parent they can be.
I'm excited.
Thank you guys.
Thank you. Yeah.
(audience applauding)
All right Coach Mike thanks for meeting with them
and thanks for being here now.
You have a concept that you've talked about
in Best Self, Be You, Only Better,
one of the things you talk about is
best self versus anti-self.
When you're at your best self
you're being your authentic self
so our best authentic selfs
so we did that exercise.
Okay, and describe for people the anti-self.
So the anti-self is the characteristics
that we think get in the way of being our best self.
You did it with Celia and her best and anti-self
was really past versus current.
Lucki is her best self who as you can see
is so loving, trusting, loyal, strong, rational,
that's who she is at her core
and that's how she wants to be with her babies.
And at first she created her anti-self,
which those characteristics were short fuse,
snappy, aggressive, has trust issues.
And we called that Cacty.
With her mother what comes out
is she ends up feeling so over it,
annoyed, numb, infuriated, and the reason why
we wanted to do this is we wanted to make sure
that you don't pass down any of the legacy
of you know kind of how you felt growing up.
Yeah.
And you did the same thing with Ciara.
Yeah so Ciara's best self is Mama Fierce.
(audience laughing)
Right?
You know I love seeing that with both of you
and you're such a lovable person.
Thank you.
You know you can feel it on you
and empathetic, energetic, loving, caring,
funny, and this is how she wants to be with her son.
And her anti-self which really she named Eeyore, right,
and not feeling loved, not feeling like people cared
about her and really carrying over from her childhood
those characteristics that she felt her whole life
and she says even today it affects her in her relationships.
What did you think of this exercise?
I really liked it.
It felt like it was like peeling back layers.
Why do you think she's here today?
She's here because this is probably,
I told her this was the only chance you were gonna get
to have a conversation with me.
And what do you want?
(sighing)
I would like to have a relationship with you,
with you also.
If I could just jump in right here okay.
No one likes a pity party.
I know.
And you're at a pity party table for one.
(audience applauding)
You're at a table for one.
This is an empowered party.
Is it because I'm crying?
No it's because I've seen how your reactions
have been on stage and you do this thing,
and you may not be aware of it, but when you lead with
poor is me it doesn't connect with the other person.
So my suggestion to you off the bat is pull it together.
Be the mom that you want to be today.
The past is the past.
That's right.
And we can't blame other people anymore.
It's over, how your mom raised you is over.
We have right now this moment.
Right.
And this is your moment to step up.