[MUSIC PLAYING]
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) Yo, Tom Hanks
has a son who raps under the name Chet Haze.
Here he is embarrassing his dad at the Golden Globes
a few weeks ago. - (LAUGHING) Goddamn.
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) A few weeks ago.
[LAUGHTER]
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) Big up, big up.
The whole island massive.
It's your boy, Chetena, coming straight
from the Golden Globe--
DESUS: This is confusing, because I literally have
cousins that look like this.
[LAUGHTER]
Like all of a sudden, I was like, Tom Hanks from yard?
[LAUGHTER]
Tom Hanks from back a yard, oh!
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) --finna father,
Tom Hanks presenting an award.
Soon forward come.
Big up, tune in!
Yo!
The man ate one beef patty.
(YELLING) Yo, one!
My god!
(YELLING) One!
Big up! Big up!
The whole island massive.
He's like, yo, I was on a flight with Sean Paul.
[LAUGHTER]
And Don Teo.
DESUS: Chet Haze.
Yo, after his red carpet patois blew up.
Chet issued this clarification.
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) Me have to make a clarification.
[LAUGHTER]
Papi, I'm Dominican now--
Yo, the video hasn't even started,
and you can already see he's going to say, bip.
Yo, what?
[LAUGHTER]
I'm not happy with this.
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) Yo, hear me no, hear me now, check
this out, one two, one two. (NORMAL VOICE) All right,
enough's enough, all right?
Look.
[LAUGHTER]
[SCREAMING]
Yo, listen, time out.
He has Air Pods in.
Tom Hanks is on that shit.
He's like, you better fucking apologize.
DESUS: All right? [LAUGHTER]
Yeah, yeah.
He's like, listen, I've been a great white guy
all these years.
You're not going to fuck up my legacy, all right?
I've been an inoffensive white guy for over 100 years.
[LAUGHTER]
Never in a million years would I
have thought that me just goofing
around on the red carpet would have got so much attention.
But man, it's been crazy.
And one thing I'm not joking about
is my love and appreciation for Jamaica, the Jamaican culture.
Go bro.
[LAUGHTER]
All the love that I've been getting
from Jamaica has been really--
What love?
What'd we do?
Did Jamaicans, like, reach out to him?
Like, yo, we fucking with you?
We sent him like a breadfruit.
[LAUGHTER]
I hope you guys get a chance to check out the song that we
dropped today, "Harley."
The link's in my bio.
Please check that out.
My group's called "Something Out West."
And just again, thank you guys so much.
Much love and respect, Jamaica.
That's what's up.
Thank you.
He should have said big up at the end.
Yeah.
Missed opportunity.
You know what I mean?
He's now banned from every Sandals on the island.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, let's hear the song.
I was like, oh, (JAMAICAN ACCENT) he dropping a big tune.
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) Yo, a big massive tune!
[MUSIC - SOMETHING OUT WEST, "HARLEY"]
(SINGING) I remember back high school, Jenny was there.
Coke bottles in the cooler--
This is the music playing at a bar in Brooklyn, and I walk in,
and I'm like, oh, I'm not welcome here.
MERO: Oh!
[LAUGHTER]
Got you, got you.
(SINGING) On the west side and feel that snare.
Drunk out of my mind and getting nowhere.
We don't need no money.
I'mma ride up with my honey.
And I promise--
It just sounds like background music for the CW.
You know what I'm saying?
[LAUGHTER]
I was like, hold on, this is on the "One Tree Hill" soundtrack.
They didn't know I was the Gossip Girl,
Oh, my god!
[LAUGHTER]
That's a no.
Yo! That's--
- No! - Yeah, that's postman.
Nah. - Nobody--
[LAUGHTER]
Nobody's going to the DJ like, select and (YELLING) rewind!
- And rewind to Jenny! - No, no.
Yo!
It's like the fast forward.
[LAUGHTER]
Fuck outta here.
Oh, news voice.
Allegations of a violent attack in Philadelphia
late last year are sending shock waves through the city.
Goddamn.
Serious accusations against the beloved mascot--
MERO: What?
--of the Philadelphia Flyers.
A father says Gritty assaulted his son
during a meet and greet.
Can we just get like a full screen image of Gritty?
Yeah, I mean, look--
DESUS: Yo, fam!
MERO: Yo, respect.
DESUS: That's how your girl come in after brunch and shit.
Y'all want some dick?
(SLURRING) Yo, give me that dick.
I am mad mascoto.
(SLURRING) You're so stupid!
(SLURRING) Respect me.
(SLURRING) Yo, yo do they have bottles--
(SLURRING) Yo, let me see that fucking-- damn!
(SLURRING) Yo, let me see that stick daddy!
Let's go!
Let me see that stick!
Come here.
She come in the house, and she'll be at the door like--
[LAUGHTER]
(SINGING) Mero, come out and play!
Then you should say--
Why don't you try number five.
Ah!
Fuck that, just leave it in, I don't give a shit.
[LAUGHTER]
REPORTER: The 23-year Philadelphia Flyers season
ticket holder tells us it was a special event
for season ticket holders.
DESUS: Look at Gritty already looking at him,
like, yeah, he looks like-- MERO: Yeah!
DESUS: Yeah!
He's looking right.
Also, why is that Ricky Iglesias there?
[LAUGHTER]
You know what I'm saying? Just chilling--
DESUS: That's either security or Men in Black, I don't know.
MERO: Yo!
DESUS: It's Dominican Men in Black.
Hey, papi.
We are Ninos in Black.
Hey.
Papi, forget about it.
I don't-- I no have say--
I no have secret family.
Pssh.
[LAUGHTER]
Here family.
Pssh.
[LAUGHTER]
No, me and you cousins.
Pssh.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!
REPORTER: But little did he know a photo with Gritty
would leave his 13-year-old's--
DESUS: Why are they flashing it to look it mad dramatic
like he killed the son?
MERO: Yo, pew, pew, pew!
Brian is standing right here in the picture.
And when he gets done the picture,
he walks by and taps him on the head, literally just like that.
He keeps walking, and then Gritty gets out the chair,
and then lunges over and punches Brandon--
DESUS: Pow!
--like that in the bottom right-hand side of his back.
REPORTER: According to Chris, that punch
left his son injured, raking up a $300 hospital bill.
I mean, $300?
[LAUGHTER]
I thought they said $300,000.
They said $300!
Yo, can we just pay his bill?
[LAUGHTER]
That's like-- he put like four edible arrangements.
Yeah, everybody pass a $1.
Pass the collection plate around.
REPORTER: A report was filed, and south detectives
are investigating.
Wait, take that back?
Why'd she say detectives like that?
And south detectives are investigating.
[LAUGHTER]
What kind of fucking Philly accent is that?
Deta-- detactives?
So wait, if Gritty punched one of your kids in the back,
what are you doing?
I'd fuck him up.
I wouldn't do all this stupid bullshit.
Oh, you gotta give me $300.
I'm going to get 300 punches in your grill.
[LAUGHTER]
Hell yeah, I'll fuck a mascot up.
Yeah-- oh, well, not the person.
I would just fuck up the costume.
[LAUGHTER]
And be like, (YELLING) you're a liar.
Everybody here knows you're a phony!
Yo, phony, what's your real name, Matthew?
I'd rip the head off, and just like, pah,
kick that shit onto the ice.
No, no.
I would never say that I would assault a person on air.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, he says that on Twitter.
[LAUGHTER]