- "INFJs claim to be mysterious and rare."
Don't think I've ever said that.
Oh, wow, what a really mean tweet.
"ENTPs think they're the smartest people in the room."
Boring!
Do you guys have like, a mic that I could drop?
(upbeat music)
"ENFPs are all rainbows and unicorns
until you ask 'em to stick to a plan.
Sorry, we can't all live in your magical fantasy land,
#WhimsicalWhirlwinds."
Okay, you know who also stuck to a plan?
Voldemort.
Look how that turned out.
Not good, folks.
"INTJs are the kings and queens of sarcasm.
If only their social skills matched their IQ,
#DarkLordsInDenial."
Oh wow, what a really mean tweet.
You should change the title of this segment
to the most hateful tweets ever,
because I'm totally destroyed by that one.
"EFTJs are walking, talking rule books.
Maybe they should try living a little
and ripping up a page or two.
#ControlFreaksAnonymous."
Okay, look, I tried living a little once.
It's not for me.
"ISFJs are so nice."
Well, thank you.
"Too bad they never have any fun stories to share, #Booring"
Oh, boring.
"Boring."
Hey.
"ENTPs think they're the smartest people in the room.
Their favorite way to start a sentence is,
'Well, actually', #KnowItAlls."
Okay, well, actually
being the smartest person in the room is not my goal,
it's just a pleasant side effect of being me.
I just started that sentence with,
"Well, actually," didn't I?
"ENTJs love giving orders,
but have you ever seen them try to follow directions?
It's a disaster. #Fail."
I don't follow directions,
directions follow me.
Do you guys have like, a mic that I could drop?
I think that would be like, a good visual to end my line.
There's like, this mic here.
What about this?
- [Camera Operator] No, please don't touch that mic.
Don't, sir. Sir! - It'll be fine.
Drop the mic. - [Camera Operator] Okay.
Jeez, okay.
- "ESFPs live for attention,
which is probably why they're always hogging the spotlight.
Can the rest of us have a turn please? #DramaQueens."
You call it hogging the spotlight,
me, I call it bringing joy and laughter
to the snooze fest that you call your boring life.
"ISTPs are so laid back, they make sloths look hyperactive.
Show some enthusiasm guys. #LowEnergy."
No.
"INFPs always follow their hearts,
even if their hearts lead them
to live in their parents' basement forever."
No, I live in my own secret realm
where imagination reigns supreme.
Plus, my parents' house doesn't have a basement.
I'm just in my childhood bedroom.
It's pretty cozy actually.
"ENFJs are great at giving advice,
but have you seen their own lives?
Drama Central, folks. Fix your own mess,"
with clapping emojis.
My life is like a game of whack-a-mole,
but I'm the mole and drama keeps hitting me over the head
with a big old mallet,
and every hole I pop out of, bam, there's drama.
"INTPs are too busy overthinking everything
to actually do anything.
Someone please hit the start button.
#PerpetualProcrastinators."
It's a common misconception, but we're not procrastinating,
we're perfecting the art of thinking.
So give us a little time
and we'll amaze you when we get around to it.
"ISFPs are so sensitive,
a mild breeze could trigger an emotional breakdown.
Bring tissues, folks. #WalkingTearFountains."
Emotional breakdown?
More like an emotional breakthrough.
But for real now,
how did you know that the soft summer wind yesterday
made me weep uncontrollably?
Donald Trump tweeted that,
I thought they banned him?
"ESFJs always claimed to put others first,
but let's be real, they secretly love playing the hero."
That was my emphasis.
"#AttentionSeekers."
Okay, you could have been a little more creative with that.
Look, fam, playing the hero is my superpower.
I can't help it if it happens to draw attention.
People just like seeing a good looking guy
humbly offer his assistance to those in need
and save the day.
It's simple supply and demand.
You know what I'm saying?
It's the law of attraction.
It's cause and effect.
I'm so sorry, I just dropped your phone.
Do you have like, an OtterBox case?
Okay, good.
It's okay.
"ISTJs are like calculators,
they're great to have around for doing your taxes,
not so fun at a party. #RobotVibes."
Okay, I may not be the life of the party,
but when the pizza delivery guy shows up
who's the one figuring out the correct tip on the spot?
This calculator.
I mean, this guy.
"INFJs claimed to be mysterious and rare."
Don't think I've ever said that.
"The only mystery I see
is how they can solve everyone else's relationship issues,
but it's rare for them to ever go out on a date.
#CupidChallenged."
What I see in this tweet is a lot of projection.
I guess that this person is probably chronically single
and struggling a lot with self-esteem issues.
So I'd suggest that they sign up for a club or a class
so they can meet like-minded people.
Wait, that's not the kind of response that you wanted
for this segment?
I thought this was a dating advice show.
"ESTPs have no concept of personal space.
Back off, buddy. #BoundariesExist."
Okay, so shaking a man's hand is okay,
but putting him in a friendly headlock is not?
Giving a woman a two second hug is okay,
but putting her in a friendly headlock is not?
It's not a boundary until I cross it.
♪ They say a stranger's come to town ♪
♪ They call him Mr. Frank James ♪