So, uh…this piece of crap was released in 1991.
Exactly one year after SEGA released the Mickey Mouse classic, Castle Of Illusion.
So in retrospect, it seems pretty obvious what was going on here.
This was the cash-grabbiest cash grab since cash came to…grab.
Make an incredibly cheap game, people will think, “Hey, another game like Castle Of
Illusion!”
Then they buy this piece of crap.
Somebody should be in prison for this.
This is, bar none, the worst platformer I’ve ever played.
Like, it’s not even a competition anymore.
Game over.
And it breaks my heart, because like I said…this is back when Disney games were legitimately
great.
And not only that, but…I mean, I just love Disney.
And to do something this horrendous with a name as sacred as Fantasia…holy crap, man.
That’s sacrilege.
So you play as Mickey Mouse.
Or I guess, as dream Mickey.
You platform through four worlds, and then you get the lamest ending in the history of
video games.
Or one of them, at least.
But by that time, your brain is so fried, you won’t even notice.
In fact, you’ll just be glad that it’s all over.
The pissing all over Fantasia.
It’s finally over.
This game’s problems are…many.
Honestly, this is one of the first video games I’ve ever reviewed…in which I don’t
have a single positive thing to say about it.
Fantasia doesn’t do a single thing well.
But the biggest problem…is the gameplay.
This game is so broken, it’s as close to unplayable as a game can get without literally
being on fire.
Controlling Mickey is, just…inconceivably clunky.
Not only is he slow, but he also does this weird pause when you try to jump.
Like, instead of just jumping when you hit the button, he bends down first.
Which to be fair, is actually more realistic.
And, you know…when you’re playing a game about jumping on magical broomsticks, that’s
what you want.
You want realism.
I’ve honestly never played a platformer in which jumping was more of a mess.
You have those weird pauses, and Mickey floats around like he’s on the moon.
There’s just no precision in this game whatsoever.
And that’s a big problem on its own.
Even without the level designs, which obviously demand precision.
So you’ve got awful mechanics, and levels that are insanely difficult.
It’s actually one of the hardest games I’ve ever played.
Which is just adding insult to injury, at this point.
This is ridiculous.
And one of the most annoying things about Fantasia…is its hit detection.
I mean, it’s like…you couldn’t try to make a game this bad.
At some point, your conscience would kick in.
So there are enemies all over the freaking place, they come out of thin freaking air.
And if you want to stomp them, you have to, like…you have to hold down on the directional
pad as you’re coming down.
Otherwise, you take damage.
But who cares?
You’ll take damage, anyways.
Because the hit detection is only ever half right, at best.
It’s a platformer that can’t tell if you’re jumping on the enemies.
That’s like being a librarian who doesn’t understand the Dewey Decimal System.
That, just…totally defeats the whole purpose.
And the presentation isn’t any better.
The graphics are terrible, and the use of color is, like…it’s seriously, like, some
five-year-old just randomly chose some crayons.
And then ate the crayons, and pooped out Fantasia.
And the music’s just as bad, which is actually amazing.
How a game could possibly make this music, this bad.
It’s unbelievable, this game.
Listen, in good conscience, I can’t recommend this game to anyone.
Not even Disney fans.
Actually, especially not Disney fans.
Believe me, it craps all over your heart.
If you want some classic Disney platforming, you have plenty of options.
And all those classics?
They still play like a dream.
Fantasia is more like a nightmare.