I'm gonna share with you guys how I PIP'd my boyfriend in real life, for
those of you not in tech PIP stands for performance improvement plan and
it's what you get put on when they're about to fire you.
>> So that TikToker has gone viral because she has put her boyfriend on
a performance improvement plan and she's been documenting it on TikTok.
So her name is Nadine and we should watch a little more of her video and
I'm curious what you think Jake.
>> So my boyfriend and I were having a lot of issues in the beginning, a lot and
ultimately I felt we weren't compatible even though we had a lot of love for
each other.
So as a last straw, we decided to a performance improvement plan and before
you come at me, I know it's kind of harsh to some of you, but he's an engineer.
And sometimes it's really hard to communicate with him without using
something that he can already relate to plus he kind of liked it.
So we had a shared note with daily and weekly tasks he needed to do and
a set of things that he needed to work on and it worked out really well.
Even now for our household chores, things that he's responsible for,
we use the kanban board that has been the only thing that has stuck and works.
Anything I need done, I just add it onto the kanban board and he'll get it done,
but if I just tell him he'll forget about it.
We also do weekly retrospectives where we check in with each other at the end of
each week to see how we're doing and that's my favorite.
>> No, no, thank you, really?
We're gonna have work like meetings in the context of our intimate relationship?
>> Yeah, sounds super romantic.
So, look, I get it, he's an engineer and
she's saying that he responds better to it.
I thought maybe the most relevant part is when she said he's into it and
I thought well, you do you boo, right, I don't know what your fetish is, okay.
But relationships are complicated things to add on top, so she says,
we have a lot of love with each other, but we weren't getting along.
But a lot of people do feel that way, right?
And so, every relationship is a mess [LAUGH] okay?
And it's a mess in its own different ways cuz it's two human beings trying to
relate to one another when they don't have the same perspective and
they're not structured in the same way, they're two different people.
So it's it's hard out there, I get it.
Having said that, hell to the no, okay, so
if somebody puts you on a performance improvement plan for
who you are, that is not the right person for you, okay?
>> By the way, I mean, I'm sure most of you know but just in case, performance
improvement plan is where your management thinks you're slacking off at work.
And so, they get you on a performance improvement plan to basically let you know
shape up or you're getting fired, right?
And then there's goals or whatever that's baked into that system.
I just think introducing the trauma you experience at work in
your intimate relationship might not bode well in the long run,
even though in the short term they're into it, right?
>> No, of course, I mean, we're underselling it guys,
most people have the reaction that I had originally, which is, so
you need me on an improvement plan, how about your goddamn improvement plan?
Okay, how about we work on that,
including not asking your boyfriend to go on a goddamn improvement plan?
Okay, you want an improvement plan I got one for you, I'll write it out right now,
all the ways that you can improve.
So why is this conversation about me improving,
why don't you go improve your own ass?
>> Well, okay, so she says this in the video, the description of the video,
we started living together really early on in our relationship.
So we saw all of each other's living habits and lifestyles super quickly,
I had to learn to be more accepting and easy going.
>> How's that working out [LAUGH]?
Doesn't seem that one stuck.
And he had to learn to be more tidy and considerate of shared spaces.
>> No, but that's fair too, right, if she's used to being tidy and
the guy's throwing his socks on the fan, right?
That's not gonna work out.
>> Is that what you do, interesting example that you gave there [LAUGH].
>> I don't know, it's like out of a movie.
>> I love how that would literally take more effort than just throwing it in
the hamper, right?
>> Of course, but you know guys.
>> Now she did get criticized by commenters, so.
>> No, really, online it was critique.
>> So user 984700673511 says this is so condescending, okay?
>> Yeah, for sure.
>> Yep, that was the top comment.
>> I mean just not positive they have enough numbers in there.
>> Okay [LAUGH] Kate writes in says, I prefer not to be someone's manager or
assign tasks though.
>> That's such a great point by Kate because not only does you put
your boyfriend in this fairly demeaning position.
And it casts you as the boss, but it also casts you as an annoying bureaucrat,
who has to go and judges life 24/7.
If she hadn't lost me from second one [LAUGH] certainly would have lost me
when she got to the weekly retrospective.
Now let's see what you've done wrong this week, say it again,
again cuz I'm about to pack my bags, so say it one more time.
>> So, there were people who agree with her though.
So one person says, it's a very nice way of communicating instead of yelling and
screaming at each other, which sure if that's what the standard is it's either.
>> But if yeah, is that your only alternative?
>> Right, exactly.
>> Well, I was thinking of firing my boyfriend and
I put him in a bureaucratic hell instead, but I could have yelled at him.
>> But look, to be fair, I just realized something, it's something clicked,
I had an epiphany.
>> Look at this.
>> So, I react poorly to micromanaging, right?
If someone's micromanaging me, it really gets under my skin.
>> This is true.
>> And it's because I don't need the micromanaging, I work hard,
I like to get my job done, you know what I'm saying?
But there are people who need that guidance,
there are some people who not only react well to micromanaging, but they prefer it.
In fact, I've had a conversation with someone about that in this company, right?
A worker at this company and I was just, that's interesting,
it's an interesting perspective.
Anyway, I say all that because yeah, I guess even in the context of
a relationship, some people like to be micromanaged, right?
Cuz this is what that is, that's exactly what this is.
>> Yeah and look, I'm halfway kidding when I say that's his fetish, right?
It might be that he's simply.
>> You have to tell guys exactly what you want, I've learned that, I don't have my
husband on a performance improvement plan, but there's no dropping hints and
then he picks it up and he knows exactly what I want.
No, you have to be very clear, I need you to take out the trash,
I don't say it in that tone by the way.
Hey babe, can you take out the trash and he'll do it, there's no problem.
But if I do what I used to do where it's [SOUND] pressing down the trash and.
>> [LAUGH] That's way too subtle for a guy, you crazy.
>> He's not gonna get it, he's not gonna get it, you just have to be very clear,
concise, they'll get it.
>> Yeah, it's just him on the need for [LAUGH] okay.
Anyways, no seriously different guys communicate in different ways,
that's what I was getting too.
And we've talked about love languages, uncomfortable, earlier as well and
different people have different love languages.
So, she's not necessarily totally wrong that hey, maybe as an engineer
his mind is geared in a way that hey, I like task broken down clearly and
in individual pieces that I could do one at a time, that might totally be true.
And by the way, I'm only halfway kidding when I, it might be that he likes being
bossed around, right, that like he gets into that, okay, so if she throws in
a healthy dose of scolding and he might stay with her forever.
Okay, he might put a ring on.
Okay, so I don't know their thing and that's up to them and so, we're all having
fun here, don't actually get mad at them, let them live their lives.
>> No, it's their lives if this is what they want and if this is what works for
them, great, more power to them, we're just talking about our context and
whether we would like it and I know that I wouldn't, it's just not for me.
>> Yeah, especially if you're not married yet, right?
When you're married, you got kids, there's a lot of things that go along with that
tons of commitment, it's very literal, you made a commitment to one another, etc.
So that's a different standard, if I'm going out with someone and somebody says,
hey, you know what I think you're lacking.
So I'm gonna put you on a performance improvement plan and we're gonna have
weekly check ins where I analyze how you are as a human being and judge you.
No, you're not cuz this is actually the last conversation we're having [LAUGH].
>> By the way and it really has worked for them.
So, she put her boyfriend on a performance improvement plan
at the three month mark and they've now been together for three years.
>> Now look at that.
>> So he's definitely into it.
>> That's the longest anyone's ever been on a PIP.
>> [LAUGH] That's a long PIP.
>> And to be fair to her she's a fair boss because if you're doing
a performance improvement plan, right?
Your intent is not to fire people, it's to help them improve, okay?
That's true in good companies and
in 99% of other companies know that you're gonna get fired, okay [LAUGH]?
But in in her case she was a good company, she was a good boss, right?
She actually gave him a real opportunity and he's delivering for
three years and I hope he filled out his performance review,
graded himself and later we'll be going over that self assessment.
>> I don't want to manage anyone, including here, you get what I'm saying?
Managing is so hard.
>> You're telling me man [LAUGH].
>> And I don't want to lord power over people, there's that too.
>> It makes you deeply uncomfortable.
>> Yeah, it's super uncomfortable.
>> So now we're having fun inside baseball stuff.
>> No, hold on before we get to the fun, I want to do right by Kate, okay?
Kate produced this story and she went the extra mile to research what can help in
a relationship and I freaking love that she did this.
So, Northwestern medicine psychologist Sheehan Fisher or
yeah, Sheehan Fisher created a handy list of healthy relationship habits.
Listen to each other and communicate without judgment, trust and
respect each other, consistently make time for each other, that's a big one.
Remember details about each other's lives, also listen, right?
That's how you learn about each other's lives,
engage in healthy activities together,
work collaboratively as a team rather than as two self-serving individuals.
>> Or two competing individuals which happens sometimes in relationships.
So, nice job Kate, those are helpful hints, totally true, okay?
So, wonderful.
Now, when we were in the early years of TYT, Jill Pike used to be here,
she was one of the first original co-host me, Ben Mankiewicz and
Jill Pike, love Jill, she's a great person.
And she was critical in the beginning of TYT and
after each show we would do a meeting.
Ben would leave immediately I'm not going to explain, of course,
okay, but the rest of us would get together and I would say, all right,
Jesus, what do you think we should do to spread the videos?
Or whatever JR, what do you think?
Jill, Dave, etc, so all those guys
are still here except Joe, right?
But I hated being the boss and managing and saying,
hey, did you do that, right?
I hate that, checking in on someone, did they do their work,
did they not do their work?
Holding them accountable.
>> You really do hate that.
Yeah, and one day Jill pulls me aside and says,
hey listen, you're the fucking boss, act like it.
I was what, she's just get over it already.
Okay, we can all see the thing you're struggling with and
you don't want to give orders and etc, but we gotta get shit done and
somebody has to lead that, so step up and do it, own it, right?
And it was one of the best piece of advice I've ever gotten, so thank you Jill Pike.
And from then on I boss people around and
I put them on PIPs [LAUGH] you got to be kidding.
>> You're still struggling with it, but you're getting better I think.
>> No, no.
>> It's hard, it's hard, lemme just say, look, management is a skill,
it really is and
we have negative reactions to management because of obvious reasons, right?
But when you really take yourself and your bias out of it and
just take that role for what it is, a good manager is very skilled.
That is a skill that because a good manager doesn't just go around
bossing people around, right, a good manager builds mutual respect.
>> Yeah.
>> Look, I think Jude is an excellent manager, I'm just gonna say it.
>> She said it.
>> She's very good.
>> So Jude is our head of programming and she is, she's excellent.
So, look guys, two giant problems at work and
in your personal life too, one that is shared by both is
miscommunication leads to tons and tons of problems.
But that list of the second one that our viewer wrote in about in a completely
different story, which is assuming bad intent.
Okay, don't do that because when you combine miscommunication
with assuming bad intent, it creates a volatile situation.
Where people are constantly blaming each other, take a minute, talk it through,
figure out what each person's intent was.
And you'll invariably go, I see and somebody got it a little wrong.
That's the whole point of miscommunication maybe both parties got it wrong, but
they didn't necessarily do it with bad intent.
So these are among the 8000 lessons I learned
in becoming a manager over the last 21 years of running this place,
I've become a lot more comfortable with it.
I think I'm better at it and no it isn't about yelling at people or
being militaristic or dominating people, it's about getting the best out
of people by believing in them and setting the right structure for it.
>> Absolutely, so I wanted to just make sure that I corrected something.
So Kate is the one who pitched the last story that we did, but
our intern Sabrina produced it, you went the extra mile, God,
love the main show team.
>> All right, nice job, Sabrina, good work.