(weird noises)
D: Hi guys!
P: That's not how we start Phil Is Not On Fire. D: Hello internet.
D: Start it...
P: EAT IT!
(possessed cat noises)
P: It's Phil Is Not On Fire 10! How are you going to make it special?
D: (laughs) Well that's simple! We'll make it special WITH GIGANTIC SHARPIES!
P: Oh my god D: Give me your face, Phil!
P: I'm scared. D: Here it comes! P: No!
P: Nose me up, bosun.
(Mario sound effect)
P: We could do it at the same time.
D: We could! P: Ooh!
P: Oh my god D: This is why it's special
P: Here we go
D: Do we need to like- P: Interlock!
D: Why are you right-handed?!
D: I'm committing. P: Oh... god D: I've
D: touched base. P: I've touched the nos!
P: Neil Armstrong has landed on the nose planet.
D: This is -- Both: (laugh)
P: Oh my god! I messed it up! (laughs)
D: Emergency surgery! A&E? More like A and Yee!
D: What am I doing? P: Okay. D: I am 27.
P: Whiskered up!
D: Right! That's it! Here we go! P: Aahh!
D: Oi, Dan and Phil! Answer some questions! P: Alright! D: Do a funny... talk around and... stuff
D: (singing) Decade of whispers... P: Whispers? D: (singing) ...so ma-
P: Whiskers! Whiskers!
D: What is this video?
P: (whispering) Whispers. It's an ASMR video.
D: (whispering) Hello, welcome to Phil's [unintelligible]. P: (whispering) Hello, welcome to my [unintelligible].
D: If the cat impressions don't get more realistic, then where's the growth?
Both: (making cat noises)
D: Um, hello, police? Where did Phil's fringe go? P: Uh, it went to... emo heaven.
D: The police would not talk to you like that. P: They would!
P: They'd be like, "I'm sorry, sir, it's gone to emo heaven."
D: What kind of rude policeman are you? P: Why are you speaking to your hand?
D: What I-- P: (laughs) Oh my god!
D: Meow!
D: Pen war! P: Take it! No! D: Take! My! Giant! Pen!
D: If you dab in this video, I will unsubscribe. P: I'm so tempted! D: (yells)
P: Hey lads, do the Pikachu meme. Mouth open a bit more. There.
D: This is the moment you've been training for, Phil!
D: Demonstrate your boxing skills and knock Dan the f*ck out! P: My god!
D: Right now! Do it! Do it! P: Is this a new... YouTuber boxing?
D: Dan vs Phil. This was always where it was heading. Don't lie to me. P: (singing the Rocky theme)
P: (laughs) D: Ow! P: (laughing) I didn't mean to do it that hard.
D: Hey Phil, punch Dan. Dan gets punched. (Pikachu face)
P: (hums)
D- Nuh! No-- nnnnn P- What about a leg dab? (airhorn)
D: No more. P: Lab.
P: What does God sound like?
D: Ello!
P: Describe the inside of your brain with hand gestures. D: (sad music) P: (jazzy music)
D: The closest green item to you is your fetish. P: The bedsheet?
D: Wow, relatable, Phil. "Ooh, my fetish is sleep." Gosh, you're trying so hard. P: What about you?
P: Oh, no. No, stop it. Oh my god. That could be poisonous.
D: What is this plant? P: I don't know.
D: I don't care what plant it is. I love you! Run away with me!
D: How are babies NOT made? P: By... strapping forks to your... genitals. (laughs) I don't know.
D: I mean... I don't... P: I mean, it's not. It's true. D: Don't try that!
D: DELETE THIS.
D: "Uhh yeah, I've got a question. What's your credit card number and the 3 ones on the back?"
P: Beware of scammers. You would not download a car.
D: I would. P: Let's do it now. Vroom vroom. D: BREEP!
D: What is the worst thing to find under your pillow? P: Probably this.
(pickle yodeling) D: Oh for god's sake, not that. Okay, no, sorry, why are you saying-- (screeches)
(pickle still yodeling) D: Oh my god, I have a cold pickle on my nips! Get a-- P: (laughing)
D: When was the last time you washed these bedsheets? I don't wanna know.
P: Dan, it's your turn.
D: No, no, I don't have to do this! P: Twerk it like a Polaroid picture.
D: "Peer Pressure is not on fire 10"
D: I am so sorry, Granddad. YAH!
P: Can we do a side-by-side comparison?
P: Uh... D: Phil, you've got a stray hair. Oh don't mind me I'll just-- I'm not gonna I'm just-- P: No, don't pull it out, don't pull it out.
D: Yank! P: Oww! D: Didn't need this little tyke, did ya? P- I'm gonna need him back!
P: Glue it back in! D: (sniffs) ...eBay.
P: Describe a penis without getting demonetized.
D: It's a magical sex stick. P: That-- that's-- that's not good!
D: That is exa-- P: They may be innocent!
P: But what would Satan think of this video?
D: He would be so proud. We've come so far. P: You're welcome, Daddy.
P: Dan, you could fix The Sofa Crease by just moving a cushion.
D: No, look, that has bent to the shape of my spine. P: I mean, It's not that hard. Look. D: There is no way that we could... fix it... Oh my god. Oh my god, that's it.
D: Roast each other's Instagram photos! P: (whoomph) D: Well, it looks like Phil IS about to be on fire.
P: Ohhhh!
D: Wow, nice pout there, Phil. What are you looking at? P: That's my natural face!
D: Oh, you just caught me going-- (weird noise)
P: Alright, gimme those! D: No! No, I'm not done yet!
D: I feel like we're having a full-circle moment here. You literally look like Voldemort in that photo. P: I don't--
P: I don't know what it-- it looks good! D: If you were any paler, you literally wouldn't have any facial features.
D- Overall, this is one Voldemort that I would not bang. OOH, A REFERENCE!
D: (screaming)
D: Chin Update 2018!
(weird noises)
P: (beatboxes) Get ready to get... roasted! (laughs)
P: Alright! Wanna stand next to more circles? (laughing) I can't do roasting.
P: Oh Dan, what did you drop on the floor, your cringe card?
(airhorns) Both: (laughing)
P: (laughing) That's gotta win! (boo!)
D: I have to retire immediately.
P: You're gonna break your neck. D: I must go deeper! P: Oh my god.
D: CHINFINITY.
P: no!
D: Yeet the nearest thing to you across the room. P: YEET!
P: What-- Did you throw my phone? D: It was the nearest thing! P: Where's it gone?
D: House Plant Health Update!
D: One healthy red boi. P: Healthy cac-lads.
D: Couple crispy bits, but going on strong. D: That is more extinct than the dinosaurs that are in it.
P: That is so dead! Dan, why do you keep it there? D: Look, it's a metaphor, okay? That is... the most appropriate thing I could have behind me.
D: Thriving terrariums.
D: Yes, lad.
D: Look at 'em go. And... oh. Okay, he dead.
D: How do you pronounce-- (UWU)?
P: oowoo!
P: Describe puberty in a sound!
D: (weird groaning with voice cracks) P: (groaning with voice cracks)
D: We got up to very different things.
D: Hey Phil. P: What?
D: How big is your DUCK? P: (laughing) Excuse me?
D: (quacks) P: Ohh, duck! I mean, the only one I've got is a small rubber one in the bathroom.
P: (small quack)
P: What about you, Dan? D: Oh, I'll show you my duck. Remember that.
P: Yanny or Laurel?
D: Look, the answer's both. You can hear both. If you can onl-- ...Oh my god, it's a daddy longlegs.
D: Phil, no, put down the thing. P: Wha-- Oh, oh!
P: That's not a daddy longlegs! D: I freaked! I just saw limbs and wings. P: It's frickin' bright green!
D: It's a big, long bug. It's a long boy. It's a boy bug. It's a-- a byug. P: What are you? Why are you here?
P: Anything's a pet if you try hard enough.
D: Wow, David Attenborough is quaking in his grave. P: What are you?
D: Yes. This was so bad, Phil killed him. P: Where did you come from?
Both: Laurel! D: It was both. P: It was not both.
D: It was, it was. You can hear both. P: I can't hear both.
D: If you can't hear both... P: You're a freak!
D: Why not both?
D: Get in the bath together.
Both: Now what?
D: See, I told you I had a big duck! Look at 'im! Oh, the things he's seen. (quacks)
D: An intriguing investigation now. P: Ooooohhh... (laughs) That was weird, sorry.
D: Are you two Illuminati agents sent to recruit us all? P: No! Just stare into the triangle and forget everything we just said.
D: (hums) BOOM BOOM BOOM! Wait a minute! Triangle analysis! Triangle...
D: (hums)
P: (beatboxes)
P: Go undercover as a stan account. D: Ha! Joke's on you! I've been a Phil stan account for the last ten years!
D: Going to get my skinning tools. Come back, Phillip! (slurping noises) P: No!
P: I'll deal with you!
D: Yeeeeee
P: Revert to your old hairstyles for the next question.
D: (laughs) Oh god. P: Here we go!
D: It's literally been like... a year and a half. P: What's gonna happen?
D: I will instantly die. P: Ohhhhh. Both: (giggle)
D: Okay, this is gonna take a while now.
D: Are elbows knees for your arms?
P: Oh my god. D: WHOOOOAA!
P: This is crazy! It's like you're going back in time!
P: Dan, how do you feel about Nick Jonas being married now? D: Dick is over.
P: danisnotonfire is back! And look who's joined in! D: Oh y-- shut your-- It doesn't count. You just have to flatten your quiff. Straight hair privilege.
P: Recreate your first-ever selfie.
D: (snorts) P: (laughs)
P: I don't know. I'm looking off to the side. D: Nice casual pose. P: My hair is so long.
D: I'm like, "Hey, you just caught me in the Apple Store..." P: Yeah. (laughs) Just casually.
(shutter noises)
P: Wait, I need the quiff back. I need the quiff back! D: How do I?! Oh my god! Put me in the sink, RIGHT NOW. I NEED A BATH.
P: Scroll through the PINOF 10 hashtag. Whatever you land on, you have to do. No cheating.
P: Ooh, 60,000 tweets to choose from. D: Y'all need to calm down.
P: Say stop!
D: Stop...?
P: Kill each other! (laughs) That was from Sof.
D: HERE WE GO! SORRY! So-- Wait... I am sorry guys. It's AmazingDan now. P: Noooo!
P- "Recreate Infinity War." That was quite a long movie. I don't know how we'd recreate it.
D: Wha-? Phil! (gasping) I don't feel so good!
P: Noooooo! D: (pfffhhhhh)
P: I guess in this universe this video is now just "Phil."
D: Sorry. No, no I can fix this. I can fix this. (snaps) P: (yells)
P: No!
D: (laughing) What?
P: "Dan, play piano while Phil accompanies him with his ass."
D: (laughing) P: What does that mean?!
D: (laughing) Wha-- What do you mean, "accompanies him with his ass"? What is wrong with you?
D: (playing the song from Interactive Introverts) P: (piano key smashing with his bum)
P: (laughing) Why are we doing this? D: I'm sorry.
P: PINOF 10 is complete.
D: Com-- P: YEET!
D: You'll be burnt into my soul forever.
P: I guess now we're done, it's time for you. D: Here we go, Deborah.
D: (squeaking)
P: I think you could say, "This is the most fun I've ever had!"
P: (laughs) D- Ohhh, look what you did! You-- [unintelligible] P- Ayyyyy!
P: Bye!