Hello I'm Chris
and I'm Aaron
Welcome to social disorder, the show where Chris and I set up elaborate social experiments
and compete with each other for points.
Have you ever been disposing of a dead body and wondered
well, what would it be like if I did this in the middle of the day?
Today's challenge is going to be taking a body bag
and delivering it across the city from Aaron's apartment to the river.
And just to give you perspective, distance-wise, we're at my apartment in Austin Texas and we're going to be going to the river
which is about...uh, right there
The winner is decided based on points
which are awarded for getting innocent by-standers to help you deliver the body
or for style or just for completing the task in under thirty minutes
Now, it's not as easy as you'd think to find a dead body...but, we think we've found a pretty good solution.
Yes, ourselves...whenever I'm delivering the body, Aaron is inside of the bag...
and whenever I'm delivering the body, Chris is inside of the bag
We also went to Good-Will and picked out clothing for each other to wear, even though Aaron has no idea that this was part of the challenge
So, I'm gonna wear this...he can wear whatever I picked out for him.
May the best man win!
Ass-#@!&...
Alright, [grunts] just a normal day
[grunts]
Hey! You guys think you can help me with something?
Nah, we're good.
Alright..Chris, I think I'm dressed in a manner that makes it hard for people to wanna help me
F^%#ing Hunter S. Thompson fall collection...
Excuse me, Sir? Do you think you could help me carry this down to the parking meter?
Has it got a body in it?
No! no, no...Thank you!
What you got in there?
Oh, just a bunch of antiques...
Oh, you deal in antiques?
Yea, I deal in antiques, old stuff, y'know, that has no use anymore
I think this is good...
Ok, great!
THANK YOU!
Yeah!
Chris, for being a skinny little F^%#-er you sure ar--
Hey, how's it going?
You have a body in there?
No, no, just some, uh, camping equipment...
How's it goin'?
That a body over there or what?
Oh, no, no no no no...
Do you wanna help me?
across the street?
If you wanna grab the handles...
Yeah, it's just a bunch of stuff...
There's a body in there!
No, no no no...
It's not a body...
What do you mean it's not a body?
It's just a bunch of useless JUNK...
Stop, man. Stop! Hey, hey, get the boss!
Wanna help me carry it across the street?
[panting]
Okay, I gotta go.
See ya later!
[HUFF]
So heavy...
I wonder if that guy's gonna call the cops...
[MUSIC]
Hey, hey guys, would y'all be able to help me for a second?
I work at an aquarium...and a bunch of our fish died
and...now I have to go to the lab for...determining what happened to them...
It's not a dead body, I swear.
Pull it, pull it.
[grunts]
see?
Is there a body in there?
NO!
It's fish...
Oh, and it died?
yea...
Hey! Actually, can I get a ride?
I have this...
It's uh, dead fish...
I just can't [grunts] lift it.
right here, and just...put it in the seat...there you go... yea, I'll just sit of top of it
Where are we going?
UH, so I need to get to the river.
[MUSIC]
Thanks for your help, man.
So, uh, do you have wife?
Nope.
Nah, me neither, not anymore...
You wanna let me off right here
OH! Oh, that's bumpy!
Hey, you think you can help me, uh, carry this to the, the bench over th--
Alright...
Hey, hey! Open!
Why?
I wanna see it.
See what?
This. Open.
No, no
That's my stuff!
No, it's my stuff!
Listen, what's your name?
Aaron
If you wanna help me just carry it down to those benches?
No, no no...
I wanna see inside.
No, you can't!
It can't be out in the sun too long!
Hey, don't you have work to do over there?
You have work to do over there!
Let me see
[SHUFFLING]
NO!
Now listen, I know what it feels like, but I'm telling you what it is
and it's nothing!
[GRUNTS]
What the fuck's in there?
Just trash, man...
[???]
Oh, no you don't wanna touch it, man
That's a dead body...
No, it's not a dead body
If you can just help me get it down that way...
Buy us some beer?
Buy you beer?
Buy me some weed, bro. You got some ecstasy on you?
huh?
Can we smoke a finger?
Uh, maybe if we get across the bridge...
Only if you give me your consent that you're not gonna tell anybody
Uh, I-I give you my absolute consent that I won't
Thank you, Sir!
[PANTING]
I need a rest!
Jorgé, you can't keep following me!
The police coming.
No they are not, are they?
George, where is the bus stop?
to the most...
remote location in Austin?
NO, NO, NO! YOU CAN'T! YOU CAN'T LET IT OPEN!
Are the cops really coming?
They say they called.
Well, I hope not!
Damn George!
He thinks he's so smart...
Hey, Uh...
would you be able to help me for a second?
[PANTING] Ugh, take a break...
Here, let me tie my shoe real fast
[SIRENS]
Is there people inside here?
No, no
No, actually, you probably don't wanna touch right there 'cause that's...
[SIRENS WAILING]
[phew]
I got nervous...
Mhmm?
Alright...
Ready?
[DING!]
Alright, ladies...
Thank you so much, I can drag it the rest of the way...
Have fun on your bachelorette party!
Thank you
[DING!]
Howdy?
Ei, como vai?
Good, man!
[BEEP BEEP]
There's no body in there, right?
There's no body, no no!
Promise?
PROMISE!
If there's one in there, what about it? He's got a truck you can use for a hearse if it's a body.
I know!
If it were a body, he could help out!
But it...of course, it's not!
Noooo...
Yeah...
Yeah, yeah...but if it were, that truck would help...
Yeah...
[MUSIC]
[AARON WHISTLING]
[DING!]
[MUFFLED] I'll just put this under that seat...
What you got in there, man?
Oh, just a bunch of JUNK....
The cops are gonna wonder what the hell that is.
I don't think I'm gonna have problem with the cops....
Hey, could you help me with something, for a second?
What do you need?
So, I work for this meat company...
...and our truck broke down...
It's not a human body?
NO!
[LAUGHING]
I-it's
Uh, it's a....
Cow carcass...
[IN UNISON] oooh, I don't about that....
Are you trying to frame us for a murder?
Not at all, I'd go down too...
If it was a murder...
Not that it is....
I don't eat meat, so I don't think I can carry it either...but...
OH...
Well, what if wasn't meat? what if it was like, magazines?
I'm Chris, by the way! Nice too meet you!
I'm Des, I'm Diana...
Um, can I get your number?
You sure?
Oh...
[BUZZ!]
That's Chris' real game, too...
He wasn't acting, he was just genuinely asking for their numbers.
Take care, man!
Yeah, it was nice met you, Johnny!
Wait, is this the Gelato Festival?
Uuuh, I'm getting off here!
[GRUNTING]
Can you guys help me carry this?
I gotta set up my booth over there...
Who are you with?
What tent will this be?
We sell a lot of like, unique ice creams...
Local source materials...
You should visit our tent, though!
What's it called?
Huh!?
It's uh...uh...it's a...town in Italy
F%@#ING
NAPLES ICE CREAM!
Naples Ice Cream, got it.
[DING!]
Thank you!
[GRUNTING] Ye...There we go!
Sure it's not a dead body?
Yeah, I'm sure!
I think I would know!
[SUSPICIOUS CHORTLES]
What are you doing?
Well I'm disposing of a...um
of a carcass...
Not a human...[MORE AWKWARD CHORTLES]
I work at the Austin zoo, and this is our...
Large toed sloth...
and it...it's a great specimen...
but it y'know...just...
died...
thing is just...
just a piece of S*** sloth...y'know?
Why don't y'all bury 'em?
It's a program...where they want to..give the body of the animals...back to Austin...
so, you dispose of it in the river...and then...
the fish eat it...
and it's like some hippy...y'know...
Austin thing!
They don't do it in any other city...
yeah, normally, they burn 'em
I-is it...
Trash? or material, goo, or what?
It's...it's material and goo
Okay...
And...actually I should go out of the sun...I was gonna get my ticket...
I'll go in the shade
[GRUNTING]
How you guys doing?
Pretty well.
[GRUNTING]
Uh, you got a second?
What you need?
Could you help me move something?
Sure
[DING!]
[SHUFFLING]
Here, I'm gonna take my shoes off real fast...
Is it a body?
Nooo...
Actually, could you help for a second?
If you could just grab the end there...
Wait, I thought you wanted... You were trying to pull that out.
Oh, no we're...
You think you could watch my bag while I get a ticket?
Thank you! [DING!]
Can I get you an ice cream?
Alright...
[MUSIC]
Can I get a cone...of...
What's your least conspicuous ice cream?
[BAG RUSTLING]
Would you like a receipt or...
No, that's okay...
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
Oh. Hello, officer.
You got some ID?
No, I don't have my ID, I'm naked.
Chris, did you give up?
Sorry for feeling you up like that.
That's alright. I enjoyed it.
Want an ice cream?
As long as he's not gonna get naked...
[RUSTLING]
Let me just...
[DING!]
I'm in... the water.
That was so heavy, how can it float?
I, I don't know how it's floating...
it shouldn't be floating at ALL...
that's not good...
it shouldn't be floating...
huh...
Hey, Sir?
could you do me a favor?
Would you mind holding that? And then taking it out a little bit?
Should I put it on the back of the board?
Yeah, here...
[BUBBLING]
You want me to put it out in the middle somewhere?
Yeah, you just...
You, BASTARD!
Oh, S***!
GET HIM!
HEY! GET THAT GUY IN THE RED SHIRT!
Well, I think that went very well...
I think you tried to kill me...
I think I DID try to kill you...
but I also think I completed the task.
No, no, see, I think I actually WON if you actually look at the POINTS...
So i got points for the BRIDESMAIDS...
I got GEORGE points...
I think you left me in a BODY BAG at an ice cream festival in front of COPS...
If you're trying to dispose of a body, that's like...
Number ONE on the list of things NOT to do...
It was an oversight
Please, present to me, my award.
Alright...
you win the ceremonial deer head...
Thank you so very, very much!
I would like to thank my mom...
GO CHRIS!
And all those who believed in me...I...all those people.
Next time on Social Disorder
Chris and I conduct a survey and ask people on the street questions about relationships and sexuality.
The only thing is we wrote each others surveys and won't know the questions until we ask them.
May I see your feet?
[LAUGHTER]
It's a battle to see who can get through the others survey and win the challenge.