hey Dan here and I'm answering a question from Tim an ENFP and he sent me
I'm gonna paraphrase here but essentially he's an ENFP and he's hit a
bit of a rough patch he says his debt is out of control he's
barely paying the bills and he even just got a ticket from the police that sucks
and he's asking essentially what are some things I can do to calm myself down
this is a very good question and my answer may surprise you I'm not going to
talk about meditation or medical marijuana when it comes to calming
yourself down but rather to refocus you need a goal and direction this is really
important really for everyone but especially true of enfps we are so all
over the map with possibilities if we don't have a clear destination we are
going to go to bad places and right now it sounds like you have a lot of
overwhelm you just set grabbed your debt as being out of control which means you
don't feel that you have any control you don't feel like you have a destination
or anything you're moving towards and in that state you're going to struggle to
make any kinds of changes more than likely you're going to get in more and
more debt because it feels like you have no hope anyhow why not get more debt why
not keep spending right there's no end to this tunnel and so first thing to do
is to come to grips with where you're at I would recommend writing down your
situation look at those bank accounts those debt numbers and figure out okay
what is it I owe what is my situation what am i earning etc and then come up
with a plan you might want to work with a friend or some kind of professional on
this although when it comes to debt management I know there's a lot of
sleazy professionals so be careful on that side of things but come up with
some kind of a plan maybe it's a plan getting a second job maybe as a plan
with some kind of refinancing of debt you might be in a stage where looking at
personal bankruptcy might make sense I don't know enough about your life
circumstance but look at your situation and figure out a plan because when you
have a plan you're going to be able to apply all that intelligent
you have all that creativity you have and you're going to find solutions
you're going to get there you're going to overcome the obstacles and you're
gonna have a lot more energy I can tell you when I've been in difficult
situations before and felt this like overwhelmed this uncertainty that's not
knowing really what to do as soon as I was able to sit down
accept where I was and then create a plan to move forward as soon as I was
able to do that I was able to move forward and I also found that my energy
levels changed even though my situation still sucked there was a light at the
end of the tunnel I was like okay here's what I'm working on here's my mission
I'm someone I need a mission I need a destination to be moving towards and
when there is that it's really I wouldn't say easy but it's certainly
easier to be energized to focus to work hard because there's some where I'm
going towards so that is what I would say you really need to focus on is
having that plan and where you want to move towards
now even with a new plan you're probably not going to make as much progress
towards it if you find yourself in an angry or frustrated state all the time
so the next part of this is learning to control your state which in many cases
comes down to controlling your focus we all have things that trigger us in fact
just by making this video I'm thinking of a certain company that lets say
triggers me to be very frustrated and angry and even now in this moment
thinking about them I'm a little less happy than I would otherwise be we all
have these people now there's times in my life where I've had a lot more of
that and there's times when things are going really well like right now where
there's just certain people that I think are idiots or that maybe frustrate me
because of their morality or whatever else but we have a choice whether we
think of those people within reason right so what you want to do is reduce
the amount of those triggers now right now if you're in debt probably things
like emails from your bank saying a payment bounced or maybe you have
notifications on your banking apps or emails you're getting things like this
that might remind you of your debt what I would recommend doing and anyone can
do this whether or not your debt is think make a list of the different
things that might trigger you that come up that really pissed you off
for the parts of your life you're trying to improve but being reminded of that
negative part of your life probably isn't going to improve your state in the
moment and find a way to match those notifications right maybe once every two
weeks you check your banking email so if you use Gmail you can set up filters to
make your banking email skip your inbox you could check your post-office box
once every two weeks instead of every day perhaps these things together right
being reminded every three hours about your debt and that chaos around you is
not going to help you you want to stay focused on your goal and the positive
aspect so if part of your plan is to earn more money and then use that to
help pay off your debt then focus on the money part right keep your mentality
there keep focusing on hey I've working extra hours hey I've taken up the second
job or I started a side business doing something focus on that for the majority
of time and when you do find your mind slipping into thinking of these
situations these people whatever it is for you that gets you angry remind
yourself to say hey nope that's not where I'm gonna focus out I'm gonna
focus on what I'm moving towards and keep practicing redirecting your focus
the more you do it the easier it becomes because if you allow your focus to slip
and be on those situations that make you mad you're gonna get angry you're not
gonna be able to work and build your business or start a second job or do
whatever because you're gonna be in this really negative State so do whatever you
need to do take a whole day and go through and organize your email your
mail your app notifications whatever it is to allow you to spend ninety five
percent of your time not angry not frustrated not really worried focusing
on what you're moving towards and that's going to be really really important
you're obviously in a rough situation it's not a great place to be but when
you come up with a plan to get out of it and then you just stay focused on that
plan and taking action you'll find that even though your situation is basically
the same your overall attitude and energy is going to be drastically
different thank you for watching if you are new to the channel my name is Dan
I make a lot of videos for enfps which I am myself and if publish new videos
every week helping you become the best version of yourself and create the most
awesome life possible for you and those you love so hit the subscribe button and
I will catch you in the next video soon bye for now
you