ALWAYS REMEMBER TO NEVER
SAY ALWAYS OR NEVER.
OKAY.
JUST ALWAYS REMEMBER TO NEVER
DO ITS.
DR.KRISTEN IS WITH US.
GREAT TO HAVE YOU WITH US.
WHEN WE YET IN AN ARGUMENT WITH
A LOVED ONE IT FEELS SOMETIMES
WE HAVE TO PROVE THAT WE ARE
RIGHT.
WE DROP THE ALWAYS OR DROP THE
NEVER.
WE WANT TO TRY THAT.
WHAT HAPPENS IS WHEN WE ARE F
EELING WRONGED IN ANY WAY WE
THE END TEND 20 GO TOWARD --
TO GO TOWARDS THE EXTREME.
THE PROBLEM WITH THAT IS IT
SETS US UP FOR A CONFRONTATION
AND
MAKES THE OTHER PERSON SUPER
DEFENSIVE.
IF YOU ARE TOLD YOU ALWAYS
DO SOMETHING.
YOU'LL LOOK FOR AN EXAMPLE THAT
YOU HAVE NOT.
EXACTLY.
WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS ARGUING
ABOUT THE FACTS OF THE DAYS.
-- CASE INSTEAD OF WHAT IS
GOING ON IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
WHICH IS THERE A THING WE NEED
TO SORT OUT.
IT IS HARD TO AVOID DOING
IT.
FIRST OF ALL, WHEN I'M IN AN
ARGUMENT, I'M RIGHT.
SHE DOES ALWAYS DO WHATEVER I'M
CLAIMING.
IT IS HARD TO HACK.
THE TRUTH ABOUT THE NEVER IS
THAT IT IS NEVER TRUE.
WHEN THE I WAS THINKING
ABOUT THIS I PUT IN THINGS LIKE
RARELY OR OFTEN.
YOU WANT TO SCALE DOWN YOUR
ALWAYS AND NEVER.
THIS IS A LAME ARGUMENT.
THIS IS A RECURRING PROBLEM WE
FREQUENTLY SEE.
YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG!
YOU ARE ALWAYS NAGGING ME!
YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME.
DOES THAT LANGUAGE SENATOR
MATTER IF YOU SOFTEN IT?
YES.
LANGUAGE HAS SO MUCH POWER.
WE FORGET THAT.
EVEN IF YOU SOFTEN IT TO -- YOU
COULD SEE IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE
YOU NEVER REMEMBER WHEN THE YOU
SAY YOU ARE GOING TO BE HOME ON
TIME.
IT HAS A DIFFERENT EFFECT ON
THE OTHER PERSON.
EXACTLY.
DOES IT MATTER WITH YOU?
ALWAYS.
IT MAKES YOU LESS DEFENSIVE.
WHAT ARE TIPS TO REMEMBER?
PEOPLE FALL INTO THIS.
THEY ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE.
IT JUST HAPPENS.
YOU SAY TO STICK TO THE BEST.
NO MATTER HOW IRRITATED YOU
ARE, THAT'S A TRICK WITH
REMEMBERING HOW TO DO CONFLICT
WELL, YOU WANT TO STICK TO THE
FACTS.
YOU CAN SAY IT SEEMS LIKE I'M
ALWAYS DOING THE DISHES.
I KNOW SOMETIMES YOU DO THEM
BUT I FEEL LOOK I MOST OFTEN
GET STUCK WITH IT.
THAT'S A TRUE THING TO SAY.
YOU ARE SAYING THIS IS MY
PERCEPTION.
EVERYONE SEES THINGS IN A
DIFFERENT WAY.
EXACTLY.
I LIKE TO TO SAY THINGS
WHEN, MY WIFE AND I DON'T
ARGUE, BUT I WILL SAY I MIGHT
BE WRONG, BUT THIS IS HOW I
FEEL ABOUT THIS.
ABSOLUTELY.
WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS I MIGHT
BE WRONG, THAT'S HUGE.
I MIGHT BE.
PROBABLY NOT.
SOMETIMES I AM WRONG.
EXACTLY.
WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS GIVING A
CONTEXT AND SHADING THE
A RGUMENT.
YOU ARE BRINGING IN SUBTLETY
WHICH IS TRUE WITH OUR
RELATIONSHIPS.
I FOUND MYSELF, I DID THIS
THREE OR FOUR NIGHTS AGO.
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED A LONG
TIME.
MY HUSBAND PROMISED HE WOULD
HAVE DINNER READY.
I GOT HOME AND SOMETHING H
APPENED SO HE DIDN'T.
I SAID THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS.
WE STARED AT EACH OTHER.
I SAID I'M ALWAYS TELLING MY
CLIENTS NOT TO SAY ALWAYS.
YOU HAVE A COUPLE OF OF
QUESTIONS IN HERE DO.
YOU WANT TO RESOLVE THE
CONFLICT OR DO YOU WANT A WORSE
FIGHT?
SOUNDS LIKE THOSE TOWARDS LEAD
TO MORE CONFLICT.
LIGHT THE MATCH AND PUT PUT
IT ON THE FIRE.
YOU GIVE PEOPLE PERMISSION
TO CHECK OUT OF THE REAL ISSUE.
YOU GET IN A SPIRAL AND IT
DOESN'T LEAD TO RESOLUTION OR
AN EQUAL EXCHANGE OF VIEWS.
THAT'S PART OF THE PRACTICE OF
BEING IN GOOD RELATIONSHIPS AND
LEARNING HOW TO WORK WITH
CONFLICT.
ALWAYS TRY TO DO BETTER.
NEVER FORGET.
I LIKE TO THIS ONE THING YOU
SAY.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
THAT IS A GOOD USER.