Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
This week’s film has an irresistible title;
Cat Women of the Moon.
'Everyman a tiger, let's go.'
So let’s get the massive disappointment out of the way.
Sorry lads, that’s as sexy as it gets,
No Lubrication by the dell five oil company sure turns the tricks.'
but if it’s any consolation, the girls are worse off;
meet the heroes.
'What happened?'
'Some sort of thing jumped me, it jumped on my back and tried to get down my throat.'
Yes, NASA has assembled a crack team of portly middle-aged men, and one woman
whose main job is...
'Oh brother'
and if that wasn’t enough to tell you this is a 50s film.
'What could you possibly want with cigarettes?'
'I just feel more at home carrying them.'
The men are naïve idiot,
'It's air alright!'
greedy bastard,
'A whole cave filled with real gold'
by the book scientist,
'the rest of this journey we operate strictly by the book.'
'Would mind if we did things by the book for a while?'
'And guarantee it isn't in the book.'
'Anything in the book about that?'
and gun-toting alpha male
who is in love with scientist’s wife!
'Look Helen I have high regard for you, you're smart you have courage.'
'And you;re all woman and if hadn't been for Ned i would have tried on a long time ago.'
I don’t think much thought was put into assembling this team.
'Too smart for me baby, I like them stupid.'
Probably about as much as was put into building the ship...
out of plywood.
The ship looks familiar actually.
There’s also a goofy spider,
and a magic gun that is never reloaded and yet...
it also doubles as a phallic symbol.
Because that’s what the film is all about; the battle of the sexes, women using their wiles...
'May wee serve you earthman?'
and men using...
I feel like I’m supposed to be rooting for the men.
'Strange, I should care what happens to them and yet I don't'
Yeah, I’m having the same problem.
'We have no use for men.'
Still, by the end the stakes are high,
'How much of head start do you think they have?'
'Too much'
Whoever loses will be abandoned on the moon forever, building to a thrilling climax!
#offscreen# 'Doc, the Cat Women are dead, Helen is alright.'
What great use of the cinematic medium, a lesser director might have wasted time showing us what happened.
'Anything wrong with that? No not a thing.'
Other films could learn from this.
‘I’ve blown up the Death Star. Darth Vader’s escaped!’
'We destroyed the ring, Mr Frodo's alright'
'Morning 007'
'I killed Silver, M..... Moneypenny is alright.'
We have much to learn from this film.
'Comes a time when you can't find it in a book.'
I learnt never to watch it again.
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