>>>
>>> WELCOME BACK EVERYONE WE ALL HAVE AN INNER CRITIC.
OF COURSE WE DO.
IT'S JUST TO KEEP OURSELVES
ACCOUNTABLE.
ACCOUNTABLE. BUT EXPERTS WARN THERE IS A BIG
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LITTLE
SELF-CRITICISM AND ACTUAL
NEGATIVE SELF-TALK.
NEGATIVE SELF-TALK. WE DECIDED WE WOULD DIVE INTO
THAT TODAY WITH OUR COMMUNITY
CORRESPONDENT MYRA SKY.
THE STRESS THERAPIST I'M NOT
SAYING SHERRY WHERE ARE YOU?
THERE'S MY FRIEND SHERRY AND OF
COURSE FROM THE HEIDI PODCAST
MISS HEIDI RUE.
HI GUYS.
HI GUYS.
HI GUYS. SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I THINK IT'S SUCH AN IMPORTANT
TOPIC.
TOPIC.
TOPIC. WE
TOPIC. WE ALL BEAT OURSELVES UP.
IT'S ONE THING WHEN WE'RE
THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE I
WISH I WOULD OF DONE THAT BUT
NEGATIVE SELF-TALK IS VERY
HARMFUL.
HARMFUL.
HARMFUL. I'M GOING TO START OFF WITH YOU
MY FAVORITE THERAPIST HOW OFTEN
DO YOU TELL PEOPLE STOP?
>> WELL THE THINK ABOUT THIS
ARTICLE THAT I DIDN'T LIKE KIND
OF WE'RE LOOKING AT IS THAT
THEY WERE KIND OF CONVINCING
YOU WHY IT WAS BAD.
WE KNOW FROM SCIENCE THAT IT
WAS BAD.
WAS BAD.
WAS BAD. THEY DIDN'T MENTION ANY OF THE
STUDY.
STUDY.
STUDY. WE
STUDY. WE KNOW THAT PEOPLE THAT USE
NEGATIVE SELF-TALK ARE LESS
SUCCESSFUL.
SUCCESSFUL. THERE WAS A COOL STUDY OUT OF
CALIFORNIA I GUESS IT WAS
STANFORD.
STANFORD.
STANFORD. THE KIDS HAVE A WEEK THERE AND
THE KIDS THEY SEPARATED INTO
TWO GROUPS AND THE FIRST GROUP
WAS LIKE YEAH I PROCRASTINATED
THAT WEEK WHATEVER I WAS KIND
OF BAD ABOUT IT.
>> BY THE WAY I KNOW.
THAT'S FOR A ANOTHER DAY.
I THINK WE ALL CAN BE OUR WORST
CRITIC BUT BOTH OF YOU ARE SUCH
POSITIVE PEOPLE AND WHAT DO YOU
THINK ABOUT HOW DO YOU STOP
YOURSELF FROM GOING DOWN THAT
PATH?
PATH?
PATH? >>
PATH? >> WELL THE THING ABOUT IT IS
THAT I CAN BE POSITIVE ON BUT
THEN NEGATIVELY TALK TO MYSELF
ON THE INSIDE BUT NOBODY ELSE
KNOWS AND I'VE TALKED ABOUT
THIS ON MY PODCAST I STRUGGLED
WITH AN EATING DISORDER FOR 20
YEARS, TWO DECADES AND I
GUARANTEE ALL OF THOSE EXCUSES
IN THE ARTICLE OF THINGS I
WOULD SAY IT'S OKAY IF I TALK
TO MYSELF LIKE THIS.
I DID ALL OF THOSE.
.
. >>
. >> I
. >> I DEFINITELY STAY WITH THE
NEGATIVE.
NEGATIVE.
NEGATIVE. ONCE YOU GET IT IN YOUR HEAD.
LIKE THAT'S IT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THESE
EXPERTS SAY ALONG YOUR POINT,
HEIDI.
HEIDI.
HEIDI. WE
HEIDI. WE KIND OF WILL JUSTIFY IT AND
THESE ARE COMMON JUSTIFICATIONS
AND WE'VE GOT TO BREAK IT.
SO NUMBER ONE IS LOOK I'M JUST
BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF.
WHY, YES, YOU SHOULD BE
ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ERRORS.
CALLING YOURSELF NAMES.
PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN.
IT'S JUST UNNECESSARY.
AND IT'S SO DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR
MENTAL HEALTH.
MENTAL HEALTH. HAVE YOU EVER SULKED OVER A
MISTAKE RATHER THAN JUST
ACCEPTING IT, RAISE YOUR HAND.
>> THERE'S ALWAYS AN EMOTIONAL
MOMENT OF ACCEPTING A MISTAKE
AND BEING LIKE I KNOW I SHOULD
NOT HAVE DONE THAT.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THERE
THAT WAY.
THAT WAY.
THAT WAY. YOU SULK OVER FOR A MOMENT BUT
GOING BACK YOU'VE GOT TO JUST
MOVE ON FROM THAT MISTAKE.
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE BEING HARD ON
YOURSELF A DOWNHILL FOR WHO
KNOWS HOW LONG.
>> THAT WAS THE OTHER THING
ABOUT THIS ARTICLE.
THEY DIDN'T GIVE ANY ADVICE ON
HOW TO STOP DOING THAT.
>> THAT'S REALLY ANNOYING TO
ME.
ME.
ME. LIKE
ME. LIKE IF WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE
SHOULD BE DOING WE CAN ASK
POPULAR QUESTIONS.
POPULAR QUESTIONS. YOU SHOULD BE DOING THIS AND
THIS.
THIS.
THIS. WALNUTS AND EATING BLUEBERRIES
AND YOU'RE LIKE HOW AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.
SO WHY AM I EATING BIRTHDAY
CAKE.
CAKE.
CAKE. I
CAKE. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO
GO OVER HOW YOU CAN STOP DOING
THAT.
THAT.
THAT. >>
THAT. >> YES, I AGREE.
>> THE PART OF YOUR BRAIN THAT
YOU'RE TALKING TO, WE KNOW
THERE'S TWO.
THERE'S TWO. I'M TALKING TO MYSELF.
SO THE PART THAT YOU'RE TALKING
TO DOES NOT KNOW THAT YOU'RE
SEPARATE FROM OTHER PEOPLE.
SO IT DOESN'T KNOW THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU SAYING
THAT TO ME OR ME SAYING THAT TO
ME.
ME.
ME. WE
ME. WE THINK THAT WE KNOW THAT BUT
WE DON'T.
WE DON'T.
WE DON'T. SO IF YOU SAY I'M GOING TO
CLEAN MY KITCHENEN AND YOU'RE
LIKE HOW'D IT GO AND I'M LIKE I
DIDN'T GET IT DOWN.
AND THEN THEY GO IT'S PROBABLY
BECAUSE YOU'RE A LOSER AND NOT
MOTIVATED.
MOTIVATED. >> IT'S THE EXACT SAME THING SO
IT'S GOING TO START SAYING
THOSE THINGS.
THOSE THINGS. >> THAT WAS ONE OF THE ONLY
THINGS I DID THAT I LIKE OUT OF
THE ARTICLE.
THE ARTICLE. IT KIND OF TRIED TO SUMMARIZE
IT YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO TALK
TO ANYONE.
TO ANYONE. SO DON'T TALK TO YOURSELF THAT
WAY.
WAY.
WAY. >>
WAY. >> IT DOESN'T MOTIVATE YOU AT
ALL.
ALL.
ALL. >>
ALL. >> OBVIOUSLY.
>> OBVIOUSLY. AND ANOTHER COMMON
JUSTIFICATION IS YOU KNOW WHAT
IT WILL PREVENT ME FROM HAVING
A BIG EGO.
I CAN HONESTLY SAY I HAVE ALL
THESE LADIES AT THE TABLE NONE
OF THEM HAVE BIG EGOS OR
INFLATED EGOS.
INFLATED EGOS. >> DOES THAT MEAN DON'T BE
CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF?
>> NO.
>> NO.
>> NO. BIG EGOS ARE ALSO NEGATIVE.
THEY DON'T NECESSARILY MEAN YOU
THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL IT'S.
>> THAT'S YOUR EGO IN CHARGE.
IT'S EITHER THE WORST THING OR
THE BEST THING.
IT'S ALL EGO.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> SO HOW DO WE TALK TO
OURSELVES THEN TO BUILD THAT
CONFIDENCE BUT, YET, IT'S NOT
LIKE I'M THE BEST.
>> ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS YOU
CAN DO IS BECOME AWARE OF IT.
>> LIKE YESTERDAY I HAD A
REALLY HARD MOM DAY AND I WAS
IN MY DAUGHTER'S ROOM AND IT
WAS A CATASTROPHE.
>> I DO.
>> I DO.
>> I DO. >> AND I HEARD MY LITTLE E GO
GO MY ROOMMATE, MY GIRLFRIEND
WHO LIVED WITH ME AND SHE SAYS
OH, THIS IS EVIDENCE THAT
YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOTHER.
I WAS LIKE WOW GIRL THAT'S
MEAN.
MEAN.
MEAN. SO
MEAN. SO I'LL TALK BACK TO HER.
>> I LOVE THAT.
>> HEY THAT WAS MEAN.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING
ABOUT MY PARENTING.
I DIDN'T MESS UP THIS ROOM SHE
DID.
DID.
DID. SO
DID. SO YOU CAN TALK BACK.
BUT ALSO IT'S HARD FOR ME TO
TELL YOU THE MEANING OF LIFE
BUT I THINK WE'RE HERE TO FEEL
GOOD.
GOOD.
GOOD. THAT'S AN INDICATOR OF HOW
YOU'RE TALKING TO YOURSELF AND
OF COURSE I'M GOING TO TELL YOU
THAT NO.
THAT NO.
THAT NO. >> BECAUSE THAT IS THE
SEPARATION THAT'S WHAT TEACHES
YOUR BRAIN THE SEPARATION
BETWEEN ME, A HOLY AND DIVINE
CREATION AND CREATOR AND MY
EGO, MY ROOMMATE.
>> SHE TAUGHT ME THAT CONCEPT
CHRISTINE THAT'S YOUR ROOMMATE
AND WE'VE GOT TO TELL THAT
ROOMMATE SHUSH: GO BACK IN
YOUR ROOM.
YOUR ROOM. >> GO IN YOUR ROOP.
ROOM.
ROOM.
ROOM. >>
ROOM. >> BUT THAT IS A GREAT
QUESTION.
QUESTION.
QUESTION. ARE WE GOING TO ALLOW IT TO SAY
OH, I WISH I COULD OF DONE THAT
BETTER.
BETTER.
BETTER. >> AND DON'T TAKE IT SO
SERIOUSLY.
SERIOUSLY. YOU MIGHT GO MAN THAT WAS MEAN
MAN.
MAN.
MAN. DO
MAN. DO YOU GOT TO BE SO MEAN.
>> WE'RE SO LIKE THAT'S PART OF
THE HARD PART.
LIKE I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT.
YOU'RE KUND OF MAKING YOURSELF
SUCK.
SUCK.
SUCK. >>
SUCK. >> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. AND I THINK THIS NEXT ONE IS
JUST SO FUNNY BECAUSE I'M SURE
AGAIN ALL OF WE DO BUT YOU
SHOULDN'T AND THAT'S SOMETHING.
>> DON'T SHOULDN'T YOURSELF.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M NOT GOING TO NEGATIVE SELF
TALK THAT SAYS I'M JUST GOING
TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR FUTURE
DISAPPOINTMENT.
DISAPPOINTMENT. >> YOU'RE CREATING FUTURE
DISAPPOINTMENT.
DISAPPOINTMENT. >> WHAT ARE YOU SPEAKING INTO
YOUR LIFE.
YOUR LIFE. THERE'S GOING TO BE FUTURE
DISAPPOINTMENT.
DISAPPOINTMENT. WHO DOES THAT.
AND WE DO.
AND PEOPLE DO SOMETIMES.
>> I'VE DONE THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH. AND I RESPECT THAT SO MUCH THAT
EVEN IN YOUR HEART YOU CAN TALK
ABOUT THE HARDSHIP YOU'VE FACED
FOR 20 YEARS AND THAT'S
SOMETHING TO BE INSPIRED BY.
BUT I THINK THAT WHEN YOU SAY
THINGS LIKE THE DISAPPOINTMENT
THAT'S GOING TO COME WHY NOT
FLIP IT AROUND AND SAY NO.
I'M GOING TO DO THE BEST OR BE
MY BEST.
MY BEST.
MY BEST. WHEN CHALLENGES COME OR FAILURE
COMES IT SUCKS FOR A MOMENT.
YOU WILL BE YOUR BEST THAT WAY.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT.
>> WE HAVE TO GET TO THE LAST
TWO QUICKLY.
TWO QUICKLY. ANOTHER ONE IS IT'S AN ACCURATE
REFLECTION OF WHO I AM AS A
PERSON.
PERSON.
PERSON. HOW SAD IS THAT.
I AGAIN, THINK WE CAN ALL
RELATE TO HAVING SO MUCH.
IT'S NOT.
IT'S NOT.
IT'S NOT. DON'T CONFUSE YOUR ACTIONS WITH
THE ESSENCE OF WHO YOU ARE.
>> WELL IT'S COUNTING THE
POSITIVES.
POSITIVES. WE'VE ALL MADE MISTAKES.
I'VE PROBABLY MADE SIX OR EIGHT
MISTAKES TODAY WITH MY KIDS
ALONE.
ALONE.
ALONE. THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
IF YOU LEAD THIS EASY LIFE NO
ONE LOOKS BACK LIKE THAT WAS SO
EASY.
EASY.
EASY. IT
EASY. IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING.
>> AND FOR TWO I JUST TALKED TO
DR. PHIL WHO'S LAUNCHING HIS
NEW SEASON OF HIS SHOW WITH
THESE TWINS WHO HAD ANOREXIA.
I CAN'T IMAGINE THE NEGATIVE
SELF-TALK FOR YOU TO BE WHERE
YOU ARE TODAY.
YOU KNOW THAT TOOK A LOT OF
STRENGTH AND COURAGE AND
POSITIVTY.
POSITIVTY. >> AND GROESDZ.
AND I WILL SAY IF ANYONE IS
LISTENING TO THIS SAYING I DO
ALL THESE THINGS HOW AM I EVER
GOING TO GET OUT BECAUSE THAT'S
WHAT I FELT FOR SO LONG LIKE IS
THIS EVER GOING TO END AND I
WILL TELL YOU THAT IT'S A LOT
OF WORK.
OF WORK.
OF WORK. IT'S A LOT OF THERAPY.
IT TOOK A LOT OF GROWTH BUT THE
POSITIVE SELF-TAUGHT IS TRULY
SOMETHING THAT CHANGED MY MIND
BECAUSE IT HAD TO START IN MY
MIND.
MIND.
MIND. >>
MIND. >> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH. THAT'S WHY IT WORKS BECAUSE
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
>> THAT'S THE TRUTH.
>> RIGHT AND WE'RE GOING TO END
ON THAT NOTE.
THE LAST ONE SAYS PEOPLE THINK
THAT THEY DESERVE IT.
YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT.
>> NOTHING BUT --
>> COME MEDITATE WITH ME.
>> YOU DESERVE THE BEST,