IS EVERYONE READY FOR
THANKSGIVING?
(CROWD REACTS)
>> James: YOU LIARS.
YOU AIN'T READY.
WELL IF YOU'RE TRAVELING, BRACE
YOURSELVES.
BECAUSE EXPERTS PREDICT THAT
THIS WILL BE THE BUSIEST TRAVEL
WEEK IN A DECADE.
ACCORDING TO A GOOGLE ANALYSIS
OF HISTORICAL TRAFFIC DATA THE
BEST TIME TO LEAVE FOR
THANKSGIVING WAS 6 A.M. LAST
SUNDAY.
(LAUGHTER)
>> James: WHILE THE BEST TIME
TO LEAVE
FROM THANKSGIVING IS RIGHT AFTER
SOMEONE MENTIONS THE ELECTION.
HOLIDAY TRAVEL'S NEVER FUN.
THERE'S ALL THE RUSHING AND
RUNNING AND DELAYS AND
HEADACHES.
BUT LOOK: IT WILL ALL BE WORTH
IT, ONCE
YOU REACH THE END OF YOUR
JOURNEY BECAUSE YOU GET TO HANG
OUT WITH YOUR PARENTS!
BUT YOU SEE SO MANY INTERESTING
PEOPLE IN THE LINE AT THE
AIRPORT.
LIKE THE GUY WHO DOESN'T KNOW
THAT YOU CAN'T BRING A BOTTLE OF
WATER THROUGH THE SECURITY.
AND THE OTHER GUY WHO DOESN'T
KNOW YOU CAN'T BRING A BOTTLE
THROUGH SECURITY.
AND THEN THERE'S THAT WOMAN WHO
DOESN'T KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T
BRING A BOTTLE OF WATER THROUGH
SECURITY.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
FEST
BUT WE HAVE TO REMEMBER WHY WE
DO THIS.
BECAUSE IN THE END, IT'S ALWAYS
NICE TO GO HOME AND SEE ALL THE
PEOPLE YOU'VE BLOCKED ON SOCIAL
MEDIA.
NOW THERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS ON
THE ECONOMIC FRONT.
ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE AN
INVESTOR.
BECAUSE TODAY THE STOCK MARKET
HIT AN ALL-TIME HIGH.
WHICH IS GREAT NEWS.
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING
WE'VE LEARNED OVER THE PAST
DECADE IS THAT IF WALL STREET
EXECUTIVES ARE DOING WELL,
REGULAR AMERICANS ARE DOING
WELL.
THAT'S RIGHT!
(LAUGHTER)
>> James: THE BE DOW JONES
INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE
TOPPED 19,000 TODAY FOR THE
FIRST TIME.
WHEN THEY HEARD THAT, AMERICANS
EVERYWHERE NODDED IN APPROVAL AS
IF THEY ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THE
DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE IS.
OH, 19,000?
GOOD?
UNLESS THAT'S BAD, THEN OOOF."
SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS
UPTURN IS DUE TO SPECULATION
THAT DONALD TRUMP WILL
DEREGULATE INDUSTRY.
SO IF YOU INVEST NOW, YOU'LL
DEFINITELY BE ABLE TO BUY THAT
BOAT YOU'LL BE LIVING ON ONCE
THE POLAR ICE CAPS MELT.
TRUMP IS ALREADY RECEIVING
CRITICISM FROM HIS SUPPORTERS
AFTER TELLING THE NEW YORK TIMES
TODAY THAT HE HAS NO INTEREST IN
PURSUING CRIMINAL CHARGES
AGAINST HILLARY CLINTON.
TRUMP DOESN'T WANT TO PURSUE THE
CHARGES BECAUSE HE SAID QUOTE "I
THINK IT WOULD BE VERY VERY
DIVISIVE FOR THE COUNTRY."
IS
(LAUGHTER)
>> James: WE WOULDN'T WANT TO
DIVIDE THE COUNTRY NOW WOULD WE?
PHEW, I'M GLAD WE DODGED THAT
BULLET.
EVEN THOUGH THE ELECTION HAS
BEEN OVER FOR ALMOST THREE
WEEKS, ARGUMENTS ABOUT IT KEEP
POPPING UP IN THE STRANGEST
PLACES.
BECAUSE THIS WEEK A SHOPPING
MALL SANTA WAS REMOVED FROM HIS
JOB IN FLORIDA AFTER TELLING A
CHILD THAT HILLARY CLINTON IS
THE ONLY PERSON ON THE "NAUGHTY
LIST."
(LAUGHTER)
>> James: THE SANTA WAS FIRED
BECAUSE THE CHILD'S MOTHER
COMPLAINED.
SHE WAS LIKE, "LISTEN I'M FINE
TAKING MY TEN-YEAR-OLD TO THE
MALL AND SITTING HER ON THE LAP
OF A DISGUISED STRANGER.
BUT I WILL NOT STAND FOR
PARTISAN POLITICS!"
(LAUGHTER)
>> James: AND FINALLY, I WANT
TO SHOW YOU THIS.
A MAN IN ENGLAND HAS BROKEN A
GUINNESS WORLD RECORD BY BUNGEE
JUMPING 240 FEET TO DUNK A
COOKIE INTO A CUP OF TEA.
THAT HAS TO BE THE MOST BRITISH
THING EVER.
IT'S PRETTY COOL, BUT WHAT MADE
HIM EVEN WANT TO DO THIS?
OF ALL THE THINGS TO DO WITH
YOUR LIFE, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY
NO REASON TO MAKE TEA TIME
"TOTALLY X-TREME"
ANYWAY TAKE A LOOK.
NO!