🎵 You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck 🎵
So we're gonna take some bread.
I'm using some kind of crusty, artisanal white loaf,
but you can use whatever kind of loaf or bun or whatever you like,
probably something with not a ton of flavour.
We'll spread on some non-salted butter,
sprinkle on some garlic salt,
throw it on an old dirty pan,
undo's on 420 fundo,
bake that for around ten minutes and you're done.
Garlic bread.
🎵 Garlic bread tastes really great 🎵
🎵 Eat it from a bowl or off of your plate 🎵
You can also take some minced garlic from a jar, AKA jarlic,
combine a teaspoon of this with a tablespoon of salted butter
to infuse the butter with garlicness,
and also to protect the garlic from burning.
Spread that on your bread,
undo's on 420-fundo
body slam those on to an old crusty pan,
bake for up to ten minutes.
And you know when it's done?
Either when it starts to brown
or when you scrape your fork and feel that crispy crusty roughly bumpy sound.
(whispers)
Hey!
Boom. Garlic bread.
🎵 Garlic bread is not a bad thing 🎵
🎵 If you think so you're a bad person 🎵
Nothing better than fresh garlic bulbs, am I right?
We'll press each one of these into a tablespoon of salted butter.
If you don't have a garlic press, you can mince it
by chopping finely then smearing the garlic on your cutting board.
We'll throw that in too because I came here to make garlic bread,
not bread with a faint whiff of garlic, you know?
Wangjangle that together for infusional and protectional purposes,
spread that on the bread,
suplex those onto your filthiest pan,
and this time we'll get the undo to 420 fundo,
and bake it for up to ten minutes.
Spoiler alert:
Garlic bread.
(Calm tune)🎵 Garlic bread you're my friend 🎵
🎵 I'll miss you when I'm dead 🎵
Oh, you don't have an undo? No problundo.
Take that same garlic butter mixture and spread it on the bread
like you're gonna make a grilled cheese,
and then instead of a grilled cheese, make grilled garlic bread.
Except this is pan-fried not grilled.
Flip it over to toast the other side a bit.
Don't flip it too many times
or the garlic pieces will fall off.
And you know what they say about garlic falling off the bread.
They say:
"I wish that didn't happen."
Boom. Garlic bread.
🎵 Remember the time you made garlic bread 🎵
🎵 and the piece was so big it wouldn't fit in your head 🎵
Alright, let's get serious.
Garlic. Salted butter. Chopped basil.
You can use parsley if you prefer things that don't taste as good as basil.
Grated Parmesan.
Now we're really getting somewhere.
Where are we getting?
(chorus) Flavour town!
How are we getting there?
(chorus) With the ondo on 420 fundo!
Bake for up to 10 minutes.
Boom. Really really good garlic bread,
(Rock ver.) 🎵 How many ways can we make garlic bread today 🎵
Speaking of cheese, you can take any of these garlic breads
and once they're done, cover them with shredded mozzarella,
then throw on the old broiler for a minute.
And boom! Garlic cheese bread.
(Trap remix/Rap ver.)🎵 Put your knife in the butter and the garlic on out 🎵
🎵 And spread it on the bread until it's covered no doubt 🎵
🎵 Undo's on 4 hundo 🎵
🎵 Gonna shove it in until it's golden lightly roasted 🎵
🎵 Make the most of the flex of the toast and busted with the bread that you cook 🎵
🎵 So well as they took two steps picked up the loaf 🎵
🎵 Wound up and kicked it 59 yards right through the goalposts 🎵
But can you make garlic bread with a blowtorch?
No.
Well, yes, but it's a big waste of time,
a big waste of butane,
and a big waste of garlic bread.
Thank you for coming to my bread talk.
🎵 I like garlic bread 🎵
🎵 So I think I'll make some 🎵
🎵 Eating it in my bed 🎵
🎵 There's crumbs everywhere 🎵
🎵 Now I'm gonna have bad dreams tonight 🎵
🎵 Because I wasn't careful when I took a bite oh-ho 🎵
🎵 I like garlic bread 🎵
🎵 I'm so tired today 🎵
🎵 It was totally worth it 🎵
🎵 Because garlic bread 🎵
The reviews are in.
SickAssBeets said: "9000/10 would recommend."
Wild Rice said: "Revolutionary."
Anthony said:
"One of the best cookbooks I've ever pre-ordered then totally forgot about for months."
You Suck at Cooking.
Totally available now.
(get it k bye)