[SpongeBob] Oh, Squidward!
What do you want, SpongeBob?
Time for work Squidward.
Another day, another dollar. [laughing]
More like another nickel.
[laughing]
Good one, Squidward. [laughing]
[laughing] Another day, another nickel.
[laughing]
It's not that funny.
It's funny because it's true. [laughing]
Move over.
Nickel. [laughing]
[groaning]
Here's your food.
[laughing]
It's not that funny! Please make it stop.
[laughing]
[humming] [clearing throat]
What do you want?!
Squidward, What would Mr. Krabs say?
At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Squidward,
we're always polite to our paying customers.
Welcome to the Krusty Krab. May I please take your order?
Remember, Squidward, service with a smile.
Here, try one of Mr. Krabs' vintage training devices.
May I please take your order?
Oh, uh, I'll take a Krabby Patty.
[chuckles] Hold the freaky smile.
[chuckles]
What the? Oh!
If Reflecto is cut off from sunlight,
he becomes weak.
Jump jellyfish, Mermaid Man, he's destroying the shield!
[gasping]
Quick, Barnacle Boy, back to the sea cave!
Right, Mermaid Man!
SpongeBob!
[knocking]
SpongeBob, open up!
- Hey, Squidward. - Yes?
Didn't you use to have one of those cucumber bicycles?
Oh, [chuckles]. That was a recumbent bicycle.
- And I sold it. - Why?
So I could get further away from you!
[laughing]
Okay, I'll see later then, Squidward.
Bon voyage, nincompoop.
[sirens wailing]
What the?
Can I help you, Officer?
No.
But you can help yourself to this ticket.
[gasping] Ticket?
Let's see how long you keep those customers
when you give them the cold shoulder.
[grumbling]
What's taking so long?
Quit your lollygagging and get a move on.
Order up.
Squidward, have you ever seen more lovely French tips?
French tips, huh? All right, pal,
make with a relaxing foot massage pronto.
Uh-oh. Sorry, your hour's up.
[door closing]
All right, you two, out!
Don't even think about dragging
your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day,
or tomorrow, or next week.
Squidward, does that include-
Yes, it does!
Gee, Patrick,
do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?
Yes, I was!
You call yourselves good neighbors?
You're the worst neighbors ever!
You don't deserve to wear those [unintelligible]
Squid... ward.
[creaking]
Squid... ward. [creaking]
Oh, what the?
Alright, let's get this over with.
Need some change?
- There you are. - Gee, thanks.
No, no, Mr. Squidward, thank you.
You lose.
Need some more change?
[buzzing]
[neighing]
[buzzing]
You lose.
- Need some change? - No.
Why?
Because I'm all out of MONEY!
Wow. I wish I had a bottle of that kelp grow stuff.
- Here you go, SpongeBob. - Hey.
Thank you, Patrick.
You know, my shoes feel kind of tight.
[sighing] Nice and roomy.
Do you want your grow juice back?
Oh, no. I only paid for it.
I wouldn't want to deprive you of it.
- Okay. - Give me that.
But you said you didn't want it.
Fine. Why don't you two use it for your good deeds?
That's a great idea, Squidward.
Yeah. I'll go first.
Ahh!
What did you do?
Ooh.
Quite an improvement. Don't you think?
Oh, yes, I agree completely.
Come on, Patrick. Let's do some good deeding.
Yay.
Hey, get back here... [grunting]
and fix my nose!
[scatting]
[gasping]
Hi, Squidward. Wanna play?
No and leave me alone.
Okay, Squidward, see ya later.
[sighing] The blank canvas.
Infinite possibilities. All the colors of the known
and unknown universe hiding on my palate.
The artist approaches, ready to create.
Hey, Squidward, wanna play?
Okay, Squidward, see ya later.
[sighing]
Perhaps I can find solitude in the printed word.
Hey, Squidward, wanna play?
Okay, Squidward, see ya later.
Perfection.
[dinging]
I hear you. I hear you.
Okay. Good, cause these two Krabby Patties are ready.
[growling] SpongeBob.
- Yes? - Can I ask you something?
- Yes. - What's that?
What's what?
You know.
Know what?
- This. - What?
- This thing here. - What thing where?
The spatula TIED TO YOUR NOSE!
[laughing]
This. [chuckles]
Well, you see, this got stuck up there,
so I stacked stuff and I climbed up to reach it.
I reached it and grabbed it. I got it, but then I fell
and I screamed!
I was sure I was dead but then I wasn't
but then I tripped and I got this splinter
and Squidward?
Squidward, were you listening at all?
I got this really bad splinter, you see?
And I couldn't hold the spatula with my hand
so I used my nose. Makes sense now, right?
Oh, yeah, that makes perfect sense.
You're a half-wit who injured himself at work
being a nitwit.
[laughing]
Alright, you two.
[grunting]
What is the meaning of this?
[laughing]
We're slide whistling.
Don't you mean playing the slide whistle?
Squidward, slide whistling is more
than just simply tooting on an instrument.
It's a way of life. Let's show 'em, Patrick.
[whistling]
Hey, get out of here! Huh?
[laughing]
All right, you two morons, show yourselves.
[whistling]
Ya see, Squidward,
slide whistling can add a little zest
to the humdrum of everyday life.
I don't need zest. I need you out of my lampshade.
[babbling]
[whistling]
Get outta there!
[whistling]
[groaning]
[whistling]
Just get outta there!
[whistling]
Okay, that's enough. You've had your fun.
Squidward! Oh, Squidward!
SpongeBob, do you have to knock so loudly?
Sorry, neighbor.
Oh. That overgrown clam is giving me a headache.
I can't even take my afternoon beauty nap.
[chuckles]
Today we are going to be talking about...
Why isn't the camera on me?
No, on the one talking.
[squeaking]
[groaning] I'm right here!
[clearing throat]
Today on Squidward Chat, we'll be discussing
the under appreciated arts.
Once again, down here.
As I was saying, today will be...
Today-
[growling]
Upsie-daisy. Bowsie-wowsie. Upsie-daisy. Bowsie-wowsie.
[growling]
Now, then, perhaps I could dance to some smooth jazz records.
[music playing] [snapping]
[music playing]
Or I can dabble in a little painting.
Yep, I sure am looking forward to it.
[Patrick] Ahh!
[SpongeBob, Patrick laughing]
[Patrick] Ahh!
[SpongeBob, Patrick laughing]
[Patrick] Ahh!
[SpongeBob, Patrick laughing]
No, no, no!
Ahh!
[laughing]
[growling]
[door slamming]
Something Squidward this way comes.
Alright you two, I am trying to have a relaxing evening.
What in the world are you doing out here?
Trying to have a relaxing evening.
We're playing Flashlight Tag.
You're playing Flashlight Tag with an electric eel?
We're using the advanced rules.
Advanced rules!?
That has got to be the most ridiculous thing
I have ever he-
You're it.
What are you doing?!
You have a loose thread.
Hmm? So?
I want to pull it.
[sighing] If I let you pull it,
will you please let me read MY BOOK IN PEACE?!
Mm-hmm.
Fine. Get it over with.
[giggling]
[groaning]
Ooh.
Ahh!
I've never been this happy in my life.
[laughing]
My world.
Sorry, Squidward,
but you couldn't get in even if you tried!
Well, I'll have you know that I am a member
of over 20 different exclusive clubs,
all across the sea bottom.
What did he say?
I don't know. Something about his nose?
Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in.
Oh, what do you two zeros know about fitting in?
Why, you should be begging me to join.
Squidward! No, no, no, stop, please!
- See, you can't join! - You can't join!
- Can't join! - You can't get in!
Well, this is stupid. There's no room up here!
That's what we've been trying to tell you!
We've been stuck up here for three days.
We told you you wouldn't fit in.
[groaning]
[grunting]
Huh? A brand new television?
Easy. Easy.
[grunting]
[cheering]
[giggling]
Just when I thought they couldn't get any stupider.
[giggling]
Let me get this straight. You two ordered
a giant screen television
just so you could play in the box?
Pretty smart, huh?
I thought it wouldn't work.
Yeah, that's quite a plan there. Oh, but wait,
there's something else I wanted to ask you two.
Oh, what was it?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't you two have any brains?!
[SpongeBob laughing]
[groaning]
What the... now?
♪ La la la la la la la ♪
Stop!
What could you possibly be trying to do this time?
I'm not trying to do anything.
I'm just having a decent morning.
By running around and screaming like a a banshee?
Oh, Squidward, a banshee screams like this.
[screaming]
There are two kinds of people,
there are people that are normal...
and then there's you.
- Really? - Yes, really!
Maybe you could start acting a little more NORMAL!
[groaning]
I'm not normal?
[grumbling]
There will be a wing with my name on it
in all the museums of the world.
Dude, you're teaching art at the rec center. Calm down.
Uncultured trash urchin.
9:00 a.m., time to let the class in.
Well, don't wanna keep 'em waiting any longer.
Welcome to art class.
Oh, isn't this cooking? Sorry.
Howdy, Squidward.
Are you taking this art class too?
SpongeBob, in art class? Wait! This is cooking!
Come back! You gotta be kidding.
[laughing]
This is great. You and me in school together.
So where's the teacher?
You're looking at him.
Turns out Gary has a very sophisticated sense of design.
Really? Well, maybe I'll give him
the guided tour.
Hey, wait up!
And up here, you'll find my true masterworks
hidden away from the eyes of an undeserving public.
[meowing]
Oh, the naive cephalopod style. Not very sophisticated.
Huh? [groaning]
See here.
[meowing, sighing] Tacky.
Hold on now.
Don't worry, Squidward, I'm taking notes for ya.
And twist, and kick. Higher ladies. I said, "Higher.
[grunting]
I'll show you high.
[grunting] Huh?
[screaming]
[sizzling]
[screaming]
Feel the burn.
I feel it!
[sighing]
You play?
Are you kidding?
I've been playing bassinet for years.
Give me an A, buddy.
♪ Squidward is my best friend In the world ♪
[screeching]
♪ Squidward is my best friend In the sea ♪
[screaming]
♪ Squidward- ♪
♪ Likes Patrick More than SpongeBob ♪
And Patrick is a dirty, stinky, rotten friend stealer!
Um, I can fix this.
[groaning]
So, uh, I'll see you tomorrow, Squidward! Call me!
If you want to hear what real music sounds like,
then listen to this.
[clarinet playing]
Make it stop!
[clarinet playing]
Hi. Give it back. I was just reaching my coda.
Yeah, well, you're coda is affecting me quota.
The shrill piercing racket of your fish flute
is frightening away me money.
Fish flute?
Well, I don't know. That's what they used to call it.
None of you simpletons would recognize
real musical talent
if it came up and kicked you in the face!
Hey, that happened to Patrick once, too.
None of you know
a great musician when you hear him!