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Transcription of interview with Diane Lang on October 15, 2012.
Douglas Goldstein, CFPÆ, Financial Planner & Investment Advisor
Diane Lang is a therapist and an educator.
She is a life coach and helps in many areas of life.
Douglas Goldstein, financial planner & investment advisor, interviewed Lang on Arutz Sheva Radio.
Douglas Goldstein: How should a mother decide if going back to work is the right thing for
her?
Diane Lang: Going back to work seems like such a simple question but it really isnít
especially for a mom because we have a lot of things to consider when making that decision,
ìShould I go back to work after raising my kids?î or even after just being home after
maternity leave.
Itís really a serious question and thereís really a few different questions moms need
to ask themselves so they can make the decision for themselves and their family, but one of
the most important things I always tell my mom who I work with is whatever is going to
make you happy is going to be the best because a happy parent or a happy mom equals happy
kids.
Douglas Goldstein: So youíre not talking about the financial question here?
Diane Lang: No, Iím not even going into the financial question and I will get to that,
but itís really important that the mom is happy because for example, when I had my daughter,
I knew I wanted to go back to work and I knew that if I didnít go back to work I wouldnít
be happy and if Iím not happy then itís going to reflect on my child.
We know that moods and emotions are contagious so itís really important for the mom to be
happy.
Really always ask yourself that question first if you have a choice, if itís added financial
necessity which is a lot of the case here in the United States.
Weíve been in a recession since 2008 so a lot of moms donít have that opportunity to
stay home but if you do have that choice then you should always ask yourself that question,
ìIs this going to make me a happier person, a happier parent, a happier mom?î and if
that is the answer then yes, you should go back to work and if the answer is no then
you should look into staying home.
There are also other options.
If you decide that you do want to go back to work, you donít have to go back to your
old position and be full time, have a large commute, there are other options.
We know here in the United States one of the biggest things that moms love is being able
to work part time because they feel that they can have the best of both worlds.
They can stay with their kids but yet still have an outside life or a professional life
and go to work.
Douglas Goldstein: Do you feel in the economy today, there are possibilities for people
to do that?
Diane Lang: Yes, actually there are.
What has happened is a lot of companies are now doing what we call a virtual office where
theyíre able to work from home.
I actually have a lot of moms who also had the opportunity from going fulltime at a corporation
in New York City where they decided to do what we call time-share.
Two moms would actually share the work week so one might work two days and one might work
three days so they can work two and a half days each.
Of course, you do split the paycheck so again it has to be what you can afford in your family
but a lot of women will do that so they can kind of have again the best of both worlds.
Iíve had other moms who had the opportunity that they can have a virtual office and they
can now take their job and work from home which is great, but the one thing moms have
to consider is if youíre working from home, it doesnít mean that youíre not going to
need help because working from home is still a struggle because you need to have a home
office where you have to consider that whatever time that you set aside for work still have
to be you working.
A lot of times you still need a nanny or a babysitter or even a motherís helper like
in a summer where you can have a college student or a high school student which would be less
expensive who would be there to help with your child, keep them occupied, help them
eat lunch, play outside and if you can get a student who is going to be an education
major then itís great for them because they get a reference, they can use it as an internship
or they can get paid to do what they love and itís kind of a win-win situation.
What Iíve noticed with moms is we get whatís called ìmommy guiltî and a lot of the moms
will feel bad and they wonít be able to give 100% of focus and concentration into their
job because they hear their kids whether theyíre crying or knocking on the door or they stay
right outside the door making noise and it makes the mom feel very guilty so thatís
why if you can have a motherís helper and I always suggested this because as you know
and Iíve mentioned before I teach college so I have a lot of college students who are
education majors and theyíre going to be teachers and some of them already have worked
in a preschool or daycare setting or as a nanny and those are perfect motherís helper
because again itís a little bit less expensive than going to a nanny or a babysitter who
is older or a preschool or daycare setting, but they also again will already be educated
in the field so itís really a win-win situation.
The other thing too is if youíre working from home and youíre company allows it or
you have your own business is you can make your hours during naps for children if theyíre
taking naps in the morning or the two-hour nap.
I have a client of mine who has a young child whose home and he takes a nap between 12 and
2 and to do majority for work then and then to do another chunk starting at about 6 at
night until about 10 when her husband is home.
You can kind of work around it.
The time share is a really great opportunity if you want to stay at the job that you were
at and your company allows it.
What we always tell moms is there are a lot of companies that are called ìfamily friendly
companies.î Thereís a magazine called Working Mother magazine and you can get it right online
so it doesnít matter where youíre located and every year in January, they put out a
list of the top hundred family friendly companies to work for and itís a great opportunity
for moms to look and say, ìThis is the kind of company I want to work forî and send their
resume to them because these are companies that have babysitting on site, they have time
share, flex time, work from home and all those types of opportunities.
So if you know youíre going to go back to work and youíre looking into that whether
itís after your maternity leave or in a year or two when they hit a specific age, really
start doing your homework and look into what companies are family friendly that would allow
you to have the lifestyle that you want where youíre family comes first.
Douglas Goldstein: Weíve been talking about mothers staying home with the kids, what about
fathers?
Diane Lang: I have to say Iím seeing a lot more of that and one of the things you brought
up before is, ìIs it financially feasible?î and thatís a really important question and
now how parents or families make that decision is whoís making the most money.
Itís not necessarily that that mom stays home anymore, it could be the dad and it could
also depend who has the benefits.
Weíre seeing a lot of people that the mom might work full time because she is a teacher
and she gets great benefits and that dad will only work part time, maybe 9 to 1 so heís
able to get the kids off the bus and either way it works fine as long as the decision
is made by the family.
You want to ask yourself a question, ìIs it financially feasible?î and this question
requires a lot of thought because you have to consider not just how much money youíre
going to make but you have to add in that most people have at least an hour commute
each way whether itís the mileage or whether itís traffic.
You have to consider the traveling.
You have to consider the commuting cost, the gas because I donít know about in Israel,
but gas here is almost up to $4 in the New York area.
If youíre taking the train or bus, is it worth it then you have to worry about wardrobe
because you now have to dress corporate whether youíre a male or female.
Daycares [need it], lunch or any other added expenses like birthdays, Christmas parties,
Christmas gifts and all those other things that happen at a work place.
So is it really financially feasible to even work outside the home and if it is, which
parent would be the one who would stay at their full time job and which one would be
there to stay at home whether itís mom or dad or working part time to bring in some
extra money.
Those are some other questions.
Weíre seeing a lot of moms starting their own businesses and working from home in majority
of the time and thatís the biggest thing here.
Moms are really finding their niches, whatís missing in society that we can add and moms
do a great job of that.
Moms have always great blogs and websites and parenting websites and theyíre making
great money off of them, but again as you know being in this business, itís something
that you have to remember if you can start your own business, it might take 3 to 5 years
before you even see any income coming back, but if youíre working from home and youíre
not laying out a lot of money and youíre using your computer and you have a home office,
it makes it easier to start and easier to try because you donít have as much to lose.
Douglas Goldstein: One of the disclaimers on this conversation that people could really
take away to someone who is considering this is before you decide to take the time off
to stay at home, just sit with a financial planner and put together an actual financial
plan to see not only with the current income and expense situation be like but not having
the income for 3 to 5 years, how will that affect you in a long term or how could you
change your portfolio so that you can be sure that when you eventually retire because presumably
people are really younger when theyíre having kids and they have a long time to go, when
you eventually retire, youíll have enough money that you wonít regret having stayed
home.
My guess is a lot of people wonít regret staying home with their kids.
Diane Lang: The honest truth is as much as financial is a huge issue for this kind of
decision, a lot of moms will make the decision even if itís a struggle after sitting with
a financial planner because thatís really what they feel they need to do and itís priceless
on raising your kids and having that special time with them and thatís one of the things
to always consider.
Being a mom is a full time job.
Youíre working 24 hours, 7 days a week, no sick days, and no vacation pay.
Itís a lot of responsibility, are you ready for more?
Because if you get another full time job, now you have full time jobs and thatís a
lot to handle, a lot of responsibility.
Really itís something you want to consider along with the financial side of it is emotional
side.
We all have to expect if youíre a mom and you do make that decision to go back to work
whether itís out of financial necessity or itís because you choose to, you have to remember
that the first few weeks to few months back is going to be harder because youíre going
to have that mommy guilt and thatís something that we see more in moms than we do with dads.
Dads donít seem to have the same daddy guilt as moms do because dads were brought up to
be the provider and they feel that theyíre following in their role of what theyíre supposed
to be doing but for the moms, we were raised to be nurturers so when we go outside, staying
home we sometimes feel the guilt.
Iím not generalizing because there are some moms who might not but the majority do, but
it does go away and if it is what you truly want to do, you will feel happy being at work
and youíll appreciate the time when you come home with your kids and youíll make sure
itís special.
Douglas Goldstein: How can people keep track of you and follow your work?
Diane Lang: They could go to my website which is www.dlcounseling.com and they also have
a book on the subject called Baby Steps: The Path from Motherhood to Career which you can
get again on my website, in Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com.
Douglas Goldstein, CFPÆ, is the director of Profile Investment Services and the host
of the Goldstein on Gelt radio show (Monday nights at 7:00 PM on www.israelnationalradio.com.
He is a licensed financial professional both in the U.S. and Israel.
Securities offered through Portfolio Resources Group, Inc., Member FINRA, SIPC, MSRB, NFA,
SIFMA.
Accounts carried by National Financial Services LLC.
Member NYSE/SIPC, a Fidelity Investments company.
His book Building Wealth in Israel is available in bookstores, on the web, or can be ordered
at: www.profile-financial.com (02) 624-2788 or (03) 524-0942.
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