Spoiler alert.
Hulk Hogan is an ****
He seems to operate under the perpetual delusion that heís not only bigger than the company
currently signing his checksócase in point, that 10-point font is the only time youíll
see TNA mentioned in this freaking thingóbut also, in fact, bigger than his entire industry.
His ego buries talent, kills promotions and is exactly the thing that holds professional
wrestling back.
But with all that said, Iím not sure the Hulkster has ever done anything more offensive
than this game.
This is Hulk Hoganís Main Event, and this game is almost as painful as watching Hulk
Hogan.
Brother.
And for a moment, letís ignore the irony of naming a game that claims to have more
than 50 wrestling moves after a guy who performed a fraction of that total in his entire career.
Iíll give you the clothesline and the leg drop, but come on.
Thatís about where Hulkís arsenal ended.
And you know, if Iím AJ Styles or Bobby Roode, this game is where my allegiance to TNA would
end, too.
Nice of Hulk to put over the young talent is his own promotion by putting them in his
new video gaóoh wait, he didnít do that at all?
Of course not.
And itís nice of the Hulkster to actually get involved with this game, too.
I mean, with such a busy schedule of sitting on his ass, itís nice to see he recorded
so many voice overóoh wait, he didnít do that either?
You mean the extent of his involvement was selling his name like some corporation buying
naming rights to a football field?
Of course, it was.
This game is essentially a wrestling-themed Punch Out!!
clone for Kinect.
A few years ago, I wouldíve **** my pants in excitement over a premise like that, but
it has become abundantly clear in this burnt out, post-Wii apocalypse of motion control
that motion is best used to complement traditional controlsónot to replace them.
If you werenít already convinced of this, the Hulkster proves it with all the ferocity
of a leg drop, brother.
Whatícha gonna do when this game wonít respond to you?
So first of all, the motion recognition is awful.
But even if it worked, that wouldnít do a whole lot for this broken mess of a game.
It says itís a wrestling game, but what it really is is a game of Simon Says...or Terry
Says.
You just watch a little icon of Hogan, which shows you what to do.
You have no options.
Obey Hogan or lose.
Ask Samoa Joe.
Heíll tell you what thatís all about.
Secondly, the matches themselves are predetermined sequences of events.
Youíre never actually in control of the match.
You just stand there, do the opening bit, which basically is the Punch Out!!
part, and then move onto the next series of moves.
The game decides what and when.
You just do itóor at least tryóand that sucks.
And most importantly, when creating a wrestler, thereís no option for long hair.
In a wrestling game.
I guess ripping off CM Punk stops at the xíd up wrist tape.
As a huge wrestling fan, I donít like to insult legends like Hogan.
But his match with Andre was a long time ago, and Kinect is **** terrible.
That doesnít bode well for Hulk Hoganís Main Event.