Hola! Welcome back. So guys, there are many out there who really impress me but, out of
all of those shy people are the ones, the ones who couldn't speak in public those who
used to get very nervous amongst a group of or a bunch of people and these people when
such people actually work hard on themselves and when they come out of their comfort zones,
groom themselves properly in a way, in a way to become more confident and more strong and
such individuals are the ones who really impressed me a lot. They not only impressed me but they
teach me much more than what they do. After meeting and observing such people, so I ended
up meeting a couple of them, they told me their tips and their life lessons that the
way they had their and they commenced their journey to become the confident people that
they were. So today you have joined me Meera on Skillopedia where we are going to learn
skills to overcome shyness and social nervousness or anxiety as they call it to become strong
and confident individuals. Let's get started guys…
Today I'm going to start with a phrase ‘let your actions speak louder than your words’.
Now usually shyness is something that ends up restricting your freedom, right? So it
could be freedom of actions, it could be your body language when you're too guarded and
too close and too shut, while you shut people outside and that you don't let other people
in. You're in this method and with the help of this phrase we are going to try to do two
things, okay? First we're going to try acting. Acting to portray confidence with our body
language. Something like the way you see in this image, right? So guys now social science
and researchers has, they have proven that when you take control of your body language,
even if it means to fake it for yourself, so if I'm someone who stands like this but
I learned to stand like this, you slowly and eventually start believing in it and become
that person and become that confident just by practicing to act and I think that's great
work by researchers and indeed helpful. Now there's another thing that I spoke of confidence
comes with practice. I mean, I still get butterflies in my stomach when I have to go on stage and
perform in front of an audience. Well to think about it that's fine I do get butterflies
you could get butterflies in social confidence is the same thing interacting, interacting
with new people is the same thing. You would feel nervous in the beginning but do not avoid
these conversations, just face them guys, okay? Practice to stand and sit confidently
even if you don't want to participate in the beginning. Just by being a part of it and
not running away is going to help you a lot. Keep doing this until you overcome this particular
part where you end up avoiding new conversations, okay?
Now in this strategy, you will jump off the cliff. Oh no, no, no that's not what I would
ask you to do literally you know that. Try new things is all I am saying overcoming shyness
is all about getting out of your comfort zone, just pushing yourself right out. A friend
of mine who used to go for therapy sessions was once advised by his therapist and she
said and I will tell you that I'll tell you what happened to him so he was such a shy
person and a guy he was yes you heard me right, he was he's not anymore. He couldn't even
talk to girls and he couldn't even speak in public in front of ten people. Now during
this therapy he was told to do something that made him super uncomfortable, what was that?
That was dancing, yes! Now he was made to join a salsa dance class, right? This got
really, extremely uneasy and uncomfortable for him. Imagine a state of mind, okay? So
he can't talk to girls and he cannot dance and he's put in a couple's dance class now
that is super crazy okay so of course his teacher knew about it so that was fine he
made mistakes but finally and finally he completed two stages that's elementary and intermediate
and did pretty decent. So he had to in his final dance ask for a partner and then he
asked a girl to become his partner for their small dance show. He overcame his shyness
to talk to a girl and slowly and steadily he did that. Would you believe if I tell you
that today both of them are married? That's true. Now since that day he believed and he
started believing that stepping out of his comfort zone made him even stronger. So all
you out there just don't be afraid you will always learn new lessons from the new things
you try, okay? Even if you fail you have learned something right so join a book club, guitar
Club, take on a difficult task or project, yeah? Learn a new skill if you want to like
I said go for a piano class or guitar class or karate. Even if you fail in that task you
have won in getting out of your comfort zone it is a win-win situation you guys to move
from shyness to learn something and becoming different.
While doing these things do not forget your own voice, right? Let your voice and ideas
be heard for that you must practice talking don't be worried if people are going to like
you or not or what you say or not, so hear me out just there are 7.6 billion people in
the world today. It is impossible to make everyone happy or everyone to get to like
you. That in fact is a good news, you can stop worrying about it, right? Start practicing
speeches, jokes and stories maybe just first alone stand in front of the mirror the old
technique copying someone while, while watching their videos is a great way to do such a thing
and then grab every single opportunity that comes your way, be more expressive at work
with friends with strangers as well. Well don't be busy worrying if they're gonna like
your ideas or jokes, just worry about your thing that is overcoming shyness maybe that's
your first step. So speak your mind and engage yourself you can do this. Nervousness and
shyness should not hold you back, okay? And make you stay quiet, right? Life is too short
to keep quiet you guys so go ahead.
Think about it, only superheroes need to wear a mask. So they wear one because they don't
want people to know and to be frank I ask, why not? So that's the thing guys, show the
world who you are. Do not be afraid to showcase your own individual self, the way you are,
the way you talk, half of the time we pretend to be someone we are not. Just because you
know people should like you and you want people to like us, yourself. I mean people are going
to judge anyways, no matter what you do. So let them judge the real you and let them judge
the real me instead, right? That means make yourself more vulnerable. Practice doing this
with the people you trust that's how you can start and if you are the people you're close
to, it is possible, right? The more you act like your own self, the closer you feel to
others and the people you trust and you can really make stronger bonds and meaningful
bonds with these people and this in itself will lead you to self-confidence and a sense
of freedom, freedom from be of, of being yourself and freedom from being someone else. A small
example for you guys, I used to hide from people that I'm not that good in mathematics
you know, I always thought that was shameful and that other people will point fingers at
me and judge me for not being that good in mathematics, so I was busy hiding that I'm
bad at it the whole time and that took me a while you know a while to explore things
that I'm good at because I was busy doing the other things and then when I actually
started mentioning whenever required of course you won't believe it half of the people I
met actually had the same problem and I couldn't believe it myself that they were bad in Math
just the way I was but at least I was confident enough by then to showcase what I was good
at because I had slowly acquired that, right? Well that's what we want to do with ourselves
let others see the real you. Just be real, be you be, be genuine, it's going to be fine
and people will appreciate who you are at the end of the day.
Try to work your way with small talks, not everybody is born with social confidence,
right? So athletes too get nervous, footballers get nervous. To be frank they have the whole
stadium looking at them for a fixed minutes, for a fixed time span, right? So like 40 minutes,
50 minutes and they are supposed to play a game but who says that you are supposed to
talk for continues 10 minutes in any conversation? It's not a compulsion, right? So try and engage
people in short and small sentences like, “Hope you had a good weekend?” “Hey
what's for lunch?” “Hi, would you mind, if I join you?” “So yesterday's game was
neck-and-neck, right?” “Great performance! You’ve raised the bar for all of us.”
You're basically engaging everyone in small talks and you don't have to be conversing
with them for a long period of time. If you're standing in a line at a cash counter after
you're done, wish the person behind you just say, “Have a wonderful day ahead.” Something,
such a small sentence can actually boost your confidence, right? So if someone is sitting
alone, ask for, ask for permission probably to join them, “May I join you? Or, “Hey,
is this seat taken?” It doesn't have to be in a creepy way or a harmful way or not
always romantically, right? But it can be a nice harmless gesture. Talking to strangers
has so many benefits in itself. You can make new friends, even if you don't want to that's
fine you have already put yourself out there and you have become more confident than who
you are, right? So don't put this tag as forever shy just put yourself out there in the world
first.
All these things will slowly enhance your social skills and kill your shyness to at
a certain till a certain level making you charming and unique as a personality. Try
to use these strategies and I am so sure that you will succeed in gaining confidence and
social confidence, right? Thank you so much for watching me here on Skillopedia, I will
be back very soon with another interesting topic just for you guys, until then keep practicing,
keep smiling, this is me Meera signing off, ciao.