- Tonight.
- D-Day has finally arrived.
- The ladies of Dallas are rearing to go.
And this definitely ain't there first rodeo.
- Let's do this.
- Thank you! It just flows out.
- How do you pronounce "bull"?
- Bull.
- Now, pronounce "bowl"
- Bowl.
- I feel like you just say how you feel.
- Do you still struggle with depression?
- There have been times where I can barely get out of bed.
It can be like therapy if you let it.
- I do see two therapists.
- You never told me you were going to two therapists,
this is the first time I've heard of it.
- Bitch we on fire today!
- For two years, I have held a secret about you, LeeAnne.
So I'm gonna reveal it right now.
- Why don't you jump in a ----ing lake and drown?
- I feel like there's a lot of lies.
If I stole your phone, I would've ----ing taken it back
to America and got into it, okay bitch?
- D'Andra has some explaining to do.
Admit it! It is true!
- It is not true! I don't know what you're talking about!
- Call AT&T right now.
- No, we're not calling AT&T right now.
- I haven't talked to mom yet this morning.
She says, you know, what comes to her mind immediately.
- Let's bring out Mama Dee Simmons.
Hey Mama Dee, you brought your purse!
- I brought my purse 'cause I had
to give my daughter her allowance.
- I'm speaking my truth, have my voice.
And I would never fat shame anybody.
- I'm just saying, that's what she told me.
- Well you know what? [bleep] you.
[bleep] you for thinking that.
So, I hope everybody's ready.
[ding]
- This sh-- ain't gonna work today.
- Hello, ladies. - Here we go.
Start the show.
- The reunion starts now.
Hey everybody, I'm Andy Cohen and welcome
to the "Real Housewives of Dallas Season Three Reunion"
Joining me as always are the delightful divas of Dallas.
Hey Brandi!
- Hi.
- Love your high pony. - Thank you!
- So, is the adoption final? - The adoption is final.
- Congratulations. - Hercules!
So happy.
- Hey, D'Andra. - Hi, Andy.
- Has Mama Dee taken back those keys to the company yet?
- No, I have the paperwork to prove it.
- Wow.
She's been checking in a lot?
- I changed the locks. - You did.
Hey, Stephanie.
- Hi, Andy.
- How does it feel being a Harvard wife?
- Um, amazing. - Yeah?
- He's that much smarter than me.
- Hey, Cary. - Hey, Andy.
- I got to tell you, you spilled a little tea
in Denmark that I can't get over.
- What's that?
- About dating Lance Armstrong.
- Oh yeah.
- How long did you two date?
- Oh you know, six months, a year, nothing that serious.
Six months, you know, yeah.
- That's pretty substantial.
- I had a been of an athlete problem for several years.
- Okay.
- Oh, that's right you did.
- It was like, baseball, football and cycling.
- Wow, that sounds like a solution to me.
- Well, it was.
I got to say, my twenties and early thirties were amazing.
- Hey girl!
- Hey! What's up, Andy?
- What's going on Nicole Kidman doppelganger?
- Oh God, you just made my day.
My day is like perfect now that you said that.
- Oh, good. - Yeah.
- Well, you look great. Is that Tom Ford?
- Yes, it's Tom Ford, you're so good!
- A good eye.
Namaste, LeeAnne.
- Namaste, Andy.
- Can you give us a little guided meditation
prayer to get us into the reunion.
- It's just really focused on the sound.
- Okay.
- And just focus on until you think
you can't hear the sound anymore.
Bong.
♪♪♪♪♪
- Thank you, LeeAnne. - Thank you.
- All right, ladies.
Well, despite a season loaded with
allegations of alcoholism, infidelity,
and a K-Cup controversy.
These southern gals still found time to have some fun.
From mechanical bulls to beer bongs.
Did I say that right, Kameron?
- Oh, Kameron. - Bulls?
- It's a bull.
- We were just discussing how to pronounce it.
- It's a bull.
- To beer bongs, to Beaver Liquors,
our Lone Star Ladies kept the LOL's flowing.
Watch this.
- I'm gonna lay right like a lady.
- Oh sh--!
I feel like I'm playing with myself.
Yeehaw!
- Oh my God, this is so scary!
I am so afraid right now.
- The way to a man's heart is what?
What's it through?
- His stomach. - You know what mine is?
- One. Two. Three.
- Stephanie's vagina's gonna be so tight
that Travis is gonna think he's in the wrong hole.
♪♪♪♪♪
- There it is. - Oh my God!
- Oh my God.
- Too much, y'all are too much.
- Like this. - Oh my gosh!
- It was a rodeo. - Oh my god!
- Oh my god, yes, yes!
He has a diaper on! He's a baby!
He's a baby! He's a baby!
- I am 100% sure that this ain't legal.
- Was that kangaroo legal?
- I do not know.
I mean, probably not.
- In the state of Texas, you have to have a permit.
And he was like, "Yeah, you don't have to have permit."
I'm like, "I live with a po-po I should know this stuff."
- Right.
Kameron, you mechanical bull riding skills.
Wow.
- Hey, in my eyes that bull was going fast.
- Right. - Okay?
I don't usually ride bulls.
- How do you pronounce "bull"?
- Bull.
- Now, pronounce "bowl"
- Bowl.
Okay, it's my Southern Valley accent!
- I understand what it is.
- See, growing up on the West Coast
and then the Southern, you know, it's just--
- Montecito and Dallas. - Montecito and Dallas.
- Just want to take Southern words but never say them.
- Stephanie, Brooklyn from Louisville, Kentucky
wants to know how Travis reacted the first time
you had sex after your vaginal rejuvenation.
Did it work?
- I mean, yeah.
I mean, he's just so happy to have sex.
- I have people actually texting me like,
"Will you ask Stephanie if that really works?"
- Oh my gosh, it does.
I love it.
- And, yeah.
- LeeAnne, Wendy from San Diego,
California said "I worked at a strip club
for five years and the lap dance you gave
D'Andra looked pretty professional."
- Didn't it?
- Were you ever a stripper?
- No, but that would've been a great job.
- You think?
- Well I mean I talk sh-- for a living for you.
So being a stripper is not that,
I just dance sh-- for a living.
- By the way, I have to say you're an excellent sh-- talker.
- Thank you! - You really are.
- Thank you! It just flows out.
- Well, whether you're a Simmons or a Westcott,