All right, let's get right to it, the big news.
There was an election yesterday.
Maybe you forgot about it.
And apparently so did some Republicans.
Because Democrats got almost everything they wanted.
REPORTER: Overnight, Democrats on a winning streak,
scoring victories in Ohio, Kentucky, and Virginia.
In deep red Kentucky, Trump-backed candidate
Republican Daniel Cameron tried to take down
Democratic Governor Andy Beshear by linking him
to Biden, but it didn't work.
Thank you, Kentucky!
REPORTER 2: And in Virginia, a tidal wave for Democrats who
held on to their state Senate majority
and took control of the House of Delegates
too, a dramatic rebuke of Republican
Governor Glenn Youngkin.
And in Philadelphia, history was made.
Democrat Cherelle Parker becoming
the first female mayor in the City of Brotherly Love.
REPORTER 3: And now to the remarkable story of a man
who was imprisoned for years for a crime he did not commit.
Yusef Salaam, known as one of the Exonerated 5,
has been elected to New York City Council
after running unopposed.
The beautiful thing about my story
is that I was counted out.
I was one of those who was pushed
into the margins of life.
And now we're here right now.
[cheering]
One of the guys who was falsely accused of attacking
a Central Park jogger and who Donald
Trump said should get the death penalty
is now a City Councilman.
He went from having his life threatened by Trump to being
an elected representative.
He's like a reverse Mike Pence.
And to this man who has overcome so much
and still has the selflessness and the strength of character
to turn around and serve this city that falsely imprisoned
him, I just want to say, when are you going to do something
about the jackhammering?
My taxes pay your salary, buddy.
Fix the subways.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Democrats were the big winners last night,
which means all those human sacrifices were worth it.
Shout out to my fellow Illuminati members, guys,
we did it.
Democrats are feeling real good.
After the results rolled in, I got
an email from Nancy Pelosi that wasn't even asking for money.
It just said, Sarah, I am so wet right now.
Now, elections aren't only about changing
which butts are taking up which seats in various fancy rooms.
People also get to vote directly on issues
that are important to them.
Clearly, the biggest takeaway from last night,
abortion rights again boosting Democrats in key races
in both red and blue states.
Now abortion access is the law of the land in Ohio!
[cheering]
REPORTER 4: In one of the country's most watched swing
state races, Ohioans voting to guarantee abortion access,
enshrining that right into the state's constitution.
Ohio becoming the seventh state to vote to protect abortion
rights since the Supreme Court's ruling
last year overturning Roe v. Wade.
You put very sexy things like abortion and marijuana
on the ballot and a lot of young people
come out and vote.
Sexy issues like abortion?
What are his porn search words?
The fact is, abortion limits have become such
a losing issue that some conservatives have reportedly
decided the problem isn't pro-life policies,
but the phrase pro-life.
They're looking to rebrand it.
But personally, I think they should be forced
to carry this phrase to term.
And for more on this conundrum in the pro-life movement,
let's go live to the Ohio statehouse
with Grace Kuhlenschmidt.
Grace, hello, Grace.
The pro-life movement has a real problem here.
Even in red states, voters don't like being told
what to do with their bodies.
Mm, I don't know if it's as much of a body control thing
as it is a branding problem.
I mean, pro-life, yuck.
Have you seen life?
It's gross, so much mucus.
That's why it needs a fun new term that
doesn't have all the baggage.
Like, instead of pro-life, they could
go with pro-parents or pro-girl power or pro-Zendaya.
What else is popular?
Oh, I know, pro-choice.
People seem to love that term.
Grace, I think that one's already taken.
That would cause a lot of confusion, right?
Yeah, it would, what a goof.
That's why they're also considering slogans that
are totally unrelated to abortion,
but will naturally appeal to women.
Like how about pro-shopping?
You know how us ladies are, Sarah.
That is such a cheap appeal.
Women are not stupid.
No, they're not.
They're probably not.
That's why the pro-life movement should
consider brand sponsorships, like how
sports teams do with stadiums.
Maybe people will like the fetal heartbeat
law if it's now the Smoothie King fetal heartbeat law.
I do you love smoothies.
Still, voters don't like to be tricked.
They deserve honesty.
Yeah, great, honesty, we're spit balling now.
I love it.
What if pro-lifers were just totally honest?
Their slogans can be just straight
up "your body, our choice" or "Handmaid's Tale, let's
try it?"
Grace, none of that is going to work.
People in this country don't want to ban abortion, period.
No, it's about the branding.
They just haven't figured out the right one yet.
But I'm not worried.
Republicans are the party of middle aged white guys
who wear socks during sex.
They know how to appeal to women.
Right.
Grace Kuhlenschmidt, everybody.