When the hustle and bustle of modern life creeps up on us,
the frozen food aisle can be a blessing … or a curse. From sodium-saturated snacks to
the soggiest poultry this side of a chicken coop flood, these frozen offerings aren't worth eating.
"Totino's Pizza Rolls, the only game time snack that satisfies my hungry guys."
Totino's Pizza Rolls are one of those frozen snacks your parents would buy you right before
a big sleepover with all your friends. You'd stay up late, watch a scary movie, and absolutely crush
handfuls of pizza rolls. Snackable bite-sized pockets of pizza toppings are a fantastic idea,
since you don't always want to deal with an entire pie but sometimes you do want that
pizza flavor in a fun size. While this product has "childhood nostalgia" written all over it,
it's best to put that nostalgia high on a shelf and forget about these completely.
"OK, ha ha…
Very funny, Stephen."
Before we even get into the nutritional content, let's start with the biggest flaw they have:
the molten hot innards when they emerged from the microwave. The pizza filling was smoldering hot,
and the skin on the inside of your mouth would turn to ribbons if you ate them too quickly. Now,
moving on to the nutritional value, there isn't much. Seeing as each pizza roll was tiny,
you could toss back a lot of them in one sitting,
and that spells trouble since only six of them contain 210 calories and 350 milligrams of sodium.
"What's… HAPPENING… to my HUNGRY GUYS?!?!?!"
Not everyone loves tearing meat off of a chicken wing. Whether it's a concern for
the damage it could do to their teeth enamel, or it simply makes them feel too caveman-like,
they just prefer a boneless cut. Luckily for all those bone-avoiders, there are plenty of boneless
wing options out there so they can still enjoy bite-sized chunks of chicken without worrying
about their teeth. Tyson offers consumers its Any'tizers Buffalo Style Boneless Chicken Bites,
but one look at the nutritional facts tells you not to add these to the grocery cart.
The Any-tizers bag comes with about eight servings of boneless chicken bites, which
is a small handful of them for one serving. You can easily crush two or three servings depending
on how hungry you are. Well, just know that one single serving throws 700 milligrams of salt your
way, as well as 190 calories. If that isn't enough of a reason to opt for something else,
the quality here is really lacking. The meat has a rubbery texture to it,
and the Buffalo flavor never hits your palate the way Buffalo flavors usually
do. These bites are subpar additions to your freezer, so look the other way.
When your appetite starts screaming at you from deep inside your gut,
the word "hungry" prances around the forefront of your mind until you satiate it with something.
And what better way to calm it down than with a product that literally has the word "hungry" in
its name? Hungry-Man frozen dinners line the frozen food aisles of so many grocery stores,
and the photos on the boxes make them look so darn appealing. However,
a tray of this food is just plain terrible for you. Especially if you're thinking
about trying the Classic Fried Chicken dinner. It'll surely have you asking:
"Why are you doing this?!"
"To honor Chirax, the Chicken God of Death!"
Just about every aspect of this dinner is regrettable. The entire Hungry-Man
meal — which consists of fried chicken, two small sides, and a dessert — clocks in at a
whopping 950 calories. Not only are you loading up on calories, but you're also taking in almost
2000 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of fat — which is 88% of your daily value — 140
milligrams of cholesterol, and 12 grams of saturated fat, or 60% of your daily
value. Your body will not be pleased with you after making your way to the end of this race.
If you ever find yourself eating a platter of pancakes and sausage and thinking to yourself,
"I wish there was a way to eat all this without needing utensils," Jimmy Dean has the answer. The
company sells pancakes and sausage on a stick, and they're exactly what they sound like. You
get a wooden popsicle stick that impales a sausage, and the whole thing is wrapped in a
fluffy pancake. It's a quick and convenient way to munch down on a flapjack breakfast while on
the go. Just because a fun little product like this exists doesn't mean it's worth purchasing.
The disappointing texture is the very first strike against these. The pancake casing doesn't have any
fluffiness to it. Instead, the cooked batter has a tough texture you really need to gnaw at. Then,
once you break through the pancake's epidermis, the sausage underneath is super rubbery and
extremely salty. In fact, just one of these sticks carries with it 410 milligrams of sodium,
which is no good. The whole thing also packs 250 calories into your eating schedule,
as well as 9 grams of sugar and 15 grams of fat. Foods that are propped onto sticks
are fun. Consuming all the unhealthy stuff that comes with them is not.
"Looking for a convenient and delicious full entrée in a single package?" asks the El Monterey
website. When you don't feel like cooking up a whole dinner, the answer is always a resounding,
"Yes!" The company offers a chicken enchiladas meal as an answer to all those hungry appetites
asking too many questions. The meal comes with two chicken enchiladas covered in Suiza sauce,
Monterey Jack cheese, and cheddar cheese, and they're served alongside Spanish-style
rice. Are these tasty? Yes. Are they the kind of food your doctor would suggest? No way.
Watching a caloric intake is important for many people, and if you fall into that category,
you'll be alarmed to know this dinner packs 530 calories. Yes, that number could be worse,
but it's still far from ideal. The meal also hits you with 890 milligrams of
sodium. You're also ingesting 27 grams of fat and 12 grams of saturated fat. Make the
health-conscious decision and leave this off your future shopping lists.
Whoever Marie Callender is, she sure knows her way around a frozen meal. The company
cranks out a ton of frozen goodies, from savory dinners to sugary pies.
One of the options available to customers is the Spaghetti with Meat Sauce frozen dinner.
You get a tray of spaghetti with seasoned beef and pork. Nothing too fancy happening
here. Unfortunately, there are several reasons this meal is far from perfect.
It's the sodium content here that's really worrisome, especially if you
have elevated blood pressure. The tray of pasta slams you with 920 milligrams of the
stuff. You also get 350 calories, which ain't great. But, the flavor and texture
are also reasons to avoid this product, with one unsatisfied customer writing:
"There is not enough sauce for the amount of spaghetti they give you. Plus,
the sauce had a weird aftertaste. And the bread is soggy and [tastes] God awful. This brand has
many other options that taste really good. I would choose a different one over this one."
"You broke into a bank for a Hot Pocket?"
"Hot Pocket. …Hot Pocket!"
Stuffing a bunch of tasty ingredients into a handheld pocket of flaky dough is always
a convenient way to enjoy a meal, and that's what makes Hot Pockets such a popular item.
"Hooot Pockeeeets."
Simply place the frozen tubes of goodies in their respective cardboard sleeves and
toss those bad boys in the microwave for a couple of minutes. Now you have lunch,
dinner, or a mid-meal on-the-go snack. One Hot Pockets option that might appeal to those who
don't have time to make breakfast in the mornings is the Applewood Bacon,
Egg, & Cheese variety. Just know this is not a product you should start your day with.
"Hey, I've got an idea! How about we fill a Pop-Tart with nasty meat!"
One of the biggest issues with Hot Pockets is they tend to heat up unevenly,
which is the case with these. It seems like no matter how long you leave them cooking,
there are always room-temperature spots that make for really unappetizing bites. The parts that do
heat up can take on a magma-like quality and burn the heck outta your mouth. No first-degree burn
is worth the nutrition — or lack thereof — that you get with these as well. Each
sandwich has 290 calories, 600 milligrams of sodium, and 5 grams of saturated fat.
"It looks like pizza!"
"It's meant to!"
When you have to feed a few hungry mouths in the quickest and most convenient way possible,
turning to pizza is usually a fantastic idea. Everyone gets to munch down a couple
of slices while enjoying an array of tasty ingredients nestled on a warm,
crispy disc of melted cheese. The company Banquet makes several frozen pizza options
for customers who want to stock their freezers with some 'za, one of them being the Mega Double
Stuffed Four Meat Frozen Pizza Slices. These slices are just as unhealthy as they sound.
"Look, I'll eat some! Mm."
Right off the bat, the product's box lets you know just how rough this pizza is for your
body. One slice contains 430 calories and wallops you with over a thousand
milligrams of sodium. That's half your daily allotment of salt in one slice. Yowza. But,
if that's not enough to sway you, the flavor of this isn't exactly worth writing home about,
according to online reviews from numerous unsatisfied users.
"I'll eat it!"
"No!"
"What the f—!?"
Breakfast, as some like to tell you, is the most important meal of the day. Whether or not that's
actually true is up for debate, but starting your day out with a tasty, substantial meal is
definitely better than kicking off the morning with something that totally lets you down in
the flavor and health department. There are a ton of frozen breakfast options available,
like the Bob Evans Farm Sausage & Potatoes breakfast bowl. You get a helping of scrambled
eggs with melted cheese, chunks of sausage, and diced potatoes in one hot bowl. However,
this is the kind of morning starter that your routine wants no part of at all.
The nutritional facts here are abysmal. One of these breakfast bowls slams you with 440 calories,
and your body also suffers through 235 milligrams of cholesterol — 78% of your daily value,
mind you — 25 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, and just under 1,500
milligrams of sodium. Every corner you turn down is straight-up bad news. Plus,
the cherry on top of this disaster pie is the simple fact that the flavor is awful.
It's so overly salty that it's inedible. The texture of everything is rubbery,
and all you're left wishing is that you ventured down a different avenue for breakfast.
You can't let yourself fall for the delicious photos on the front of food
boxes. The pictures slapped on the cardboard are taken by professional food photographers,
and they're meticulously arranged so the meal looks as appealing as possible. Then
you open it up and pull out a tray of mystery substances smashed together in plastic wrap.
This is exactly what happens when you purchase the Banquet Mega Meats Sweet & Spicy Asian
Style Boneless Strips. Not only is the actual product so much less enticing than the visual
on the packaging, but the nutritional facts are out-of-this-world horrendous.
In the words of one customer:
"This was a major let down. No sauce, just a little flavoring on one side of the chicken."
Another buyer called this meal, quote, "just soggy hot chicken." Now,
onto the nutritional facts. This one meal has you packing away 2,650 milligrams of sodium.
That's over your entire day's worth of salt in one unsatisfying sitting.
Attach 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 27 grams of fat, and 610 calories and you have yourself
a frozen meal that should never, ever enter your mouth. "Dig in if you dare" is right!
Let's get one thing straight: When it's time to toss back a burger or two, health isn't
exactly at the forefront of your mind. We all know burgers aren't what the doctor ordered,
but they're just so good that from time to time we need to treat our appetites
to something special. The Johnsonville Grillers Steakhouse Onion Seasoned Patties might leap off
the frozen food shelf at you as a viable burger option when the urge hits. They'll certainly
scratch that burger itch, but they'll flood you with some pretty awful stuff at the same time.
Each patty carries with it 350 calories. Assuming you'll be adding fixings onto your patty,
these things can rack up the caloric numbers really quickly. Even if you just have a burger,
that's still pretty steep. Worse yet, there are 860 milligrams of sodium and 10 grams of
saturated fat. Yup, that's half your daily value. Don't let the fact that you also get
17 grams of protein fool you into thinking you need these in your freezer. You don't.