[Law and Order theme song]
[theme still playing] What's this show about? Oh, it's about rape. Ok!
[more theme song]
[theme still playing] Michelle Obama: Wow Ethan, great moves! Keep it up! Proud of you.
[theme song, typing on keyboard]
[end of theme song]
What's this? Created by Dick Wolf?
Well, you know a show's gonna be good when you got a guy - when the man behind the
curtain's name is Dick Wolf.
And who could forget his accomplice, Co-Producer, Speed Weed.
CAN WE GET SOME EMMYS FOR DICK WOLF AND SPEED WEED?!?
[discontented coughs]
Yeah, which episode? The one about the, uh... The ga- , uh, the rape.
That's every ep-, every show-, every episode's about rape dude.
Ok, well, whatever, they're all good, just get - look the guy's name is Speed Weed.
Ok? He needs an award. Can we get some Emmys over here?
SEAN? CAN YOU BRING THE EMMYS DUDE?
[gaming noises]
Ice T: DAMN!
Ice T: Kill 'em, damn campers!
that blonde lady: What's a camper?
Ice T: They usually creep to the side behind stuff, don't engage.
Ice T: Waiting for you to run by and then shoot you in the back.
Ice T: They're all pieces of crap!
Ethan: It's a little, f-, it's a little kid, dude!
His dad's just chillin' there, having a good time Ice T!
[imitating Ice T] Imma kill you! Imma kill you, kid!
handsome black man: Wanna give it a try?
handsome black man: [using a funny voice] Virtual reality!
that blonde lady: [condescendingly] Virtual reality?
handsome black man: It's like you're actually inside of the game.
generic male actor: [scoffs]
[more generic scoffing]
[scoffing again]
Ethan: [imitates scoffing]
I like how all these characters are just so disgusted by all gamer culture.
[imitates scoff]
[imitating handsome black man] Virtual reality! It's like you're inside the game! Isn't that cool?
[imitates scoff]
[generic male actor scoffs again]
[Ethan scoffs twice]
[imitating generic male actor] Virtual reality? [scoffs] Come on!
Meanwhile, you know this guy's got, like, one of these fffffucking crazy Japanese jerk-off... Virtual reality
fetish machines at home.
He's got, like, both of his legs suspended... He's got like a fleshlight hooked up.
Just fucking machine, he's there, fucking all these anime characters.
[imitating generic male actor] Virtual reality? [scoffs]
Meanwhile, he's thinking about at home on his, fucking, like
AAAAGGGGHH YEAAAH! FUCKIN' YEAAH [licking sounds]
You know that's what's going on here guys, let's be real.
generic male actor: [scoffs, but layered just a few times]
WHY'D YOU GO TO THIS CONVENTION?!?
[unhappy coughing]
YOU GUYS OBVIOUSLY AREN'T INTERESTED IN THESE PEOPLES' HOBBY, YOU JUST GO THERE TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE?!?
generic male actor: [scoffs]
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS, DUDE! WHO'S THE KID?
This show's twisted, man.
Fuck this guy. I hope you go balding soon.
This guy loves his fucking hair. Fuck you, I hope you lose your hair.
And then - and then when you come up to me and say "Hey, I got this new, this new-
-hair restoration oil, isn't that great?" [a really wet scoff] FUCK YOUR BALD HEAD, BITCH!
Tobuscuit: He's down to a side arm as we see quickfire is currently in the lead.
What the fuck? Is that... Is that Tobiscus?
That guy from Youtube?
Tobuscuit: Let's give him a chant! [chanting]
That guy, he does those "trapped in" videos.
I guess this is the version of him trapped in a show that berates and belittles the community that, that
uh, he was built upon.
Oh, that's a really good idea Tobuscus! Help me! I'm trapped in this show that, that subje- that makes
my own community base look like a punch of violent criminals and sex offenders!
Aaaah! Help me!
Tobuscuit: Volts are catching up pretty fast. You guy's fans of lightening volts?
[everyone cheers]
Now he loves it. Make up your fucking mind, asshole.
[chanting, girl shouting in terror, thumping sounds]
Rape her! Rape her! Rape her! Oh, I mean, I mean do it! Do it! Do it!
[silly music] [Benny Hill - Yakety Sax]
that blonde lady: What happened?
assaulted girl: These guys. They just - they just can't stand women in gaming
[dramatic music]
that blonde lady: What did they do to you?
assaulted girl: They leveled up.
[more ultra-spooky music]
Hila: What happened to you?
They leveled up.
Hila: W-what do you mean?
They leveled up.
Hila: What are you talking about?
They leveled up.
Can I get my fucking Emmy now, please? I mean, come on! Is this a beautiful shot or what?
Did we do it better? We did it better! Get leveled up, son!
[Ethan turn on the sink] Guess what? It's not even blood [smacks lips]. It's ketchup.
OOOOOOOOOOH!!! WHERE'S MY EMMYYYYYY!?!?!
[dramatic music]
I like how they pan to her face like she knows what the fuck she's talking about.
Meanwhile she's asking Ice T what everything means. She goes "they leveled up" and she's just like
[somber voice] Oh fuck, I completely understand what happened to you.
assaulted girl: They were, like, young, um... They were white, but pale. Like, kinda skinny.
Ice T: That's 80% of the crowd
Phhht! Really? Not you though, Ice T, right? You're fat and black. And old.
[imitating Ice T] That's 80% of the crowd
80% dawg? You wanna reevaluate that statistic Ice T?
Bust out your own gut. Let's go gut-to-gut and talk 80% of gamers are pasty and white and, and skinny!
Pasty white? Yeah, I fill the bill. But skinny? Please! Please! Please dude!
You know what I'm talking about Ice T
clipboard lady: You can choose how you play. You can wage peace or war. Have a patriarchy or a matriarchy
clipboard lady: Be eco-conscious or industrialized.
Ice T: I know. I read it on Kotaku that it's better than Civ 5 with the Brave New World Expansion Pack
[giggling] Why would you say that? Ice T, what happened to you dude? How did you come to this, man?
[rapping] OG, original gangster
You tell me you played Civ 5 WITH THE BRAVE NEW WORLD EXPANSION PACK?!?!?!?!?! WOOOAH DUDE!!!!!
YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!! WOW ICE T'S A GAMER!!!
[generic male actor scoffs again]
some cop: And she got doxxed an hour ago.
Ice T: That's how they knew this address.
blonde lady: And where - where was that posted?
some cop: A subthread on Redchat.
Ice T: Ok, that subthread - I'm gonna need the link.
That subthread? I'mma need the link. He's like [imitating cop] Well... it's like... It's just on the internet dude, I mean it's not, like, secret
[assertive voice] I'mma need that link, ok? 'Cuz I'm tech-savvy, I play video games, ya damn camper!!!
Ok? And I'mma need that link. To that subthread on 8chan-fortune-gag???
[imitating the cop] Yeah, I'll just, here, it's right here, dude, it's right here.
[assertive voice] I'mma need that link! I'mma need you to take a photocopy and fax that link to me! Ok?
blonde lady: Here's another one of his threads.
masked rapist: That slut Rena deserves all the pain that's coming to her.
The fuck, man? He's like, what, gamers are Isis now? They're in a basement with hoodies and a
black and white flag resembling Isis.
Ok guys, a-all jokes and goofing aside here, it's a little, maybe we went a little bit too far here.
[70s tv show voice] Here we go Fonz, I'm heading for the ramp! Are you sure you wanna do it?
You know, hey, you guys are the Emmy award winning writers, so who am I to judge Dick Wolf and Speed Weed but?
girl tied down: [crying] Please don't do this!
Check out these knockers, huh guys? [crude licking noise]
Yeeeah! WooOoOOoOoO!
I'm a terrorist! Check out these titties boi! Yeeeeah!
girl tied down: [gasping and sobbing in terror]
Ice T: Level completed. This is a game to them.
I can't - I can't do this Hila I need to... I need to take a break I can't w- I need to take a break. I can't watch this right now.
I need... Just give me ten minutes Hila.
[loud, with video game sounds] DIE FUCKING GAMER GIIIIIIRL!!!!
FUCKING CAMPER!!! I WANNA KILL PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE!!! [enraged coughing]
KILL OR BE SLAUGHTERED DUUUUUDE!!!! KILL OR BE FUCKING SLAUGHTEEEEEEERED!!!
Alright, I feel much better now. I took a little ten minute break and I just, you know,
unwound a little bit and I feel much more relaxed and able to deal with this ridiculous, ridiculous, unrealistic show.
gun guy: All for that skank Rena. Isn't being a whore a crime? You should arrest HER!!!
blonde lady: Drop your gun.
gun guy: Shut up, bitch! guy on ground: You're just like Rena.
Is it just me or do these guys have problems with females?
gun guy: She took away the one thing we had.
What the fuck, Ice T, you camping bitch! Ya fucking camper!
[lady] So 20 years of gaming or whatever you do with that controller finally paid off.
Whatever you do with that controller. Phhht! Phhht, whatever you do with that controller! [slow mo scoff]
beaten girl: Women in gaming... What did I expect?
Sssssshit. That's.... That's brutal. Women out there who think about playing video games;
Cautionary tale, ok? 'Cuz there's a good chance, I mean, I mean, not a hundred percent, but like
probably fifty-fifty. That you're gonna get r- you're probably gonna get raped, kidnapped, and maybe murdered.
Maybe a little bit murder. It's not a hundred percent, ok. We're not fear-mongers.
We're not saying it's gonna happen. But all we're saying is that YEAH IT'S PROBABLY GONNA HAPPEN.
"Women in gaming? What did I expect?"
I brought- I kinda brought this on myself.
When I went to gaming I thought you know yeah, you know what I'm probably gonna get raped, ok, so I
can't be too upset about it. But, you know, what did I expect?
[Law and Order theme song]
An unoriginal [trumpet] hehe! productiooooon