Destination Software. Yeah, you know them. They're the reason Chicken Shoot exists. Yeah,
you know Destination Software. And before they were ruining your Wii, they were ruining
your memories. They released a whole bunch of arcade compilations on the Game Boy Advance.
And I've had the good fortune of reviewing a number of them.
By that, I mean the lousy f*cking fortune.
But I will say this. Out of all their terrible GBA compilations—Marble Madness and Klax,
Paperboy and Rampage, the list goes on—this one is probably the best of the bunch.
This one's only mostly terrible.
It's Gauntlet and Rampart, for the Game Boy Advance.
So it's been the same story with every one of these games I've played. They take classic
games, and they ruin them. I mean, some of the ports are just decisively broken, like
Marble Madness. But a lot of them seem to get everything right...except for something.
Usually, it's something vital to the game. That's the case with this version of Gauntlet.
I mean, this is a solid port of a multiplayer classic.
That...doesn't have multiplayer. How does it not have multiplayer?
That's right. This is single-player, Gauntlet. If you can imagine anything more boring, you're
a very sick person. I mean, Gauntlet was a great arcade game. And a groundbreaking game,
too. It kind of set the blueprint for all the multiplayer dungeon-crawling games to
come. So it's, like, this game's entire claim to fame...was its multiplayer. It's four-player
multiplayer, with four different characters, with four different abilities.
This is Gauntlet without the multiplayer.
It's Gauntlet without the entire freaking point of Gauntlet.
And I mean, to be fair, it's an otherwise decent port. It looks great, it sounds great,
it plays great...it even runs great, which is kind of impressive. It has those entire
screens filled with enemies...and it handles 'em no problem. Oh, but then, you get to Rampart...and
it's the complete opposite. Like, literally, the opposite.
This game runs like sh*t. And it's crazy. I mean, how you can you Gauntlet, and it runs
fine. Then you do Rampart, a game with a fraction of the stuff going on...and it has lag? Are
you kidding me? How is that even possible?
And to be honest, that's what pisses me off the most about this entire ordeal. Like, I'm
not the world's biggest Gauntlet fan, but I freaking love Rampart. It's one of my favorite
arcade games, so to see it like this...it's just limping around, all pathetic. This is
so pathetic. And I just want to put it down, put it out of its misery. But like, I also
don't have the heart, 'cause it's Rampart.
Look at me. This cartridge, is...eating me up inside.
So as you're placing walls around your fortresses...it lags. The game f*cking lags, and at the least
desirable time for lag in the history of time for lag. 'Cause you're on a timer, and when
the game decides to lock up during that process...it just throws off your whole mojo. And mojo
is, just...so important, in Rampart. And not only that...it doesn't even follow the rules.
What game does that? You know, we're living in a society.
You're supposed to get additional cannons when you close in your fortresses, but in
this version...you get two after each round. Like, what? That's, that's not how you Rampart.
Of course, this isn't how you Gauntlet, either. This compilation doesn't seem to care. So
why should I, you know? Gauntlet, by yourself...is one of the most repetitive and boring games
you could possibly imagine. And Rampart with lag—and without multiplayer, as well—isn't
much better. And it sucks, because having games like this on the go would be too good.
Turns out it's too good to be true.
Destination. It's Gauntlet and Rampart, for the Game Boy Advance.
I have never been more pissed off.