So what happens when you go on a really great date and you think, wow,
that's the girl for me, that's the guy for me, I'm super excited to take them on a second date,
but they don't feel the same. Well, in this week session of Ask Renee, I had a male message me,
one of my followers on Instagram, and he asked me, Renee, what do I do when it comes to getting
over a date that just didn't work out? I really liked it. I thought it was going to go somewhere,
and you know what? It just didn't happen. She didn't feel the same.
How do I move past that? Let's talk about that in this week session of #AskRenee.
Hey guys, welcome back to my channel. I'm Renee Slansky. I'm a professional dating
and relationship couch, and I help women and men from around the world find and
build the relationship they desire and deserve. Alrighty. So here's my answer to this question.
If you're going on a date with someone and it just doesn't work out, either they don't feel the same
or it all started off amazing. And then it just kind of fizzled. How do you move past that? I
think a lot of the times we think that we have to have a relationship to justify why we need to get
over somebody or over the idea of somebody. When in truth, you can meet somebody for maybe a couple
of hours and still feel a connection with them and be completely devastated when it doesn't actually
work out. Time isn't necessarily a measure for how much you should be feeling for somebody.
So in this case, if you have gone on a date and in just hasn't worked out and you are really hung up
on it, that actually sends me a couple of signals. And the first signal that that tells me is that
you are too invested in the idea of someone rather than actually stepping back and allowing yourself
to just pace things out. When we get hung up on someone that we barely know, it basically
signifies that you like the idea of them, because you don't actually know that much about them.
And maybe that idea of them represents your dream girl or your dream guy, or the possibility
of happiness or the possibility of love. And so, we start to attach feelings and emotions
and expectations to that idea. And then, we get disappointed when we actually find out more
about them, either they're not the person who we think they are, or they don't feel the same way.
Now to avoid this, what we need to do is we need to learn to just stay present in
each date and not jump ahead or attach too many expectations until we get to know the person.
So if you're somebody that does get caught up doing this, what I suggest is limiting the time
that you have on the date with them. For example, don't usually go on a date for more than two hours
if it's a first date, right? Two hours is a decent amount of time to work out if A,
you have chemistry with that person. And B, you want to see them again. So you really need to
focus on the first date. How do I feel when I'm with them and do I want to see them again for a
second date, as I get to know more about them? Now, what we tend to do is when we feel super
connected to someone or super excited, we drag it out, we drag it out. Then we see them for four or
five hours, we might see them several times during the first week. And it all moves too fast too
soon. You usually get more burnout or you realize you became attached to someone that really wasn't
on the same page as you or just is completely different when you found out more about them.
Try and avoid this in the first place, obviously. We don't want to keep dating and then finding that
we get hurt and then learning our lesson. If we can actually avoid all the damage in
the first place, by A, setting the pace. B, only going on the first date for two hours.
And C, then pulling back and having time to reflect, that helps you have some perspective
on who you're dating and why you're dating them. Now, in order to be able to get over somebody that
you went on a date with, or the date didn't work out, that's just about shifting your focus. It's
about redirecting your energy and your thoughts to something constructive that you want to move
towards rather than focusing something that you cannot go back and change. And honestly,
the best way to actually try and move past someone is actually distraction and discipline.
Distraction, such as going, well, instead of just sitting here and pining over that person,
I'm going to go for a run or I'm going to go and write my goals for the next month, or
I'm going to go spend time with quality friends. Distracting your mind, distracting your hands so
you don't text them. That's a really good way to try and deal with the situation when you're in it.
And it's starting to arise and you're feeling anxious by it or sad by it.
Now, discipline is basically making sure that whenever you catch yourself
thinking about that person or wanting to text that person, you catch yourself doing it. And then you
redirect that thought. You redirect that thought with reason. Okay. And the reason being is there's
absolutely no point focusing on something that didn't work out because whatever you're saying
yes to, you're saying directly saying no to something else. So if you're saying yes to
focusing on the date that didn't work out and you're putting all your energy into it,
you're going to focus on it. You've got to magnify it. And it's basically going to make you feel
like crap. And by doing that, you're directly saying no to that is going to make you happy.
So you've got two choices there. Are you going to focus on what is making you
unhappy? Or are you going to focus on what is going to potentially make
you happy? Which is things you can control and new opportunities you can create. All right,
guys, that is my answer for this week's Ask Renee. And I just want to say this, don't beat yourself
up if you do get hung up on someone that you went on a date with, and it didn't work out.
At least you are being aware of how you feel. And it's important to acknowledge those feelings. We
just want to make sure that we're not constantly sitting in those feelings to a point where they
are no longer serving us. All right, guys, if you have a question for my Ask Renee series,
drop it down below in the comments. And if you liked this video, give it a thumbs up and
drop a thanks Renee. Don't forget to subscribe and I'll see you guys next time. Bye for now.